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#2778663 02/14/18 01:45 AM
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Previous Thread:

....and ever and ever and ever

Thanks for the thread name, Job! I really have begun spring cleaning. Physically anyways, now time to do so emotionally.

Here is the last of my posts from my last thread.
Wow! I've Been taking in all your feedback while drowning in my work. I decided to take a break, have a bite to eat, and reply.

First, I gotta say. No wonder I am single. I am all over the place! I want to date someone, then when I get a chance, I analyze everything.... Seems by all the feedback, some see major red flags, or it's me who is reading too deep. I am either not giving enough of a chance, or too much of a chance. It would be nice to just to meet the one I don't have to question. Ha. See, me being so particular again. But yes, the abandonment has really really gotten to me, finally.

I have made an executive decision. I am going to go to go with the flow. When I really know it's not going to work, I will end it. For now, like UR said, I am going to live in the moment. It's just a second date. I also know my gut has NEVER been wrong. It's always simply been a matter of whether or not I listen to it. I will listen to it, when it is sure.

He's been really super sweet. He is a sweet guy. Maybe trying a bit hard, but I think a little more than just drinks will tell me a lot. He is also very respectful. Especially in regards to my daughter.

C-nut, I am rarely ever late except under extenuating circumstances. Never because I am taking too long to get ready, or something petty. I arrived 3 minutes late on purpose because I did not want to sit alone at the bar of a local pub waiting. I wanted to ensure he was there first.

Sotto, you nailed it. I can see if a guy is a racist, disrespectful overall, simply funny or downright offensive via FB. I don't look for any other reason.

I realize my guard is up more than it has ever ever been. I am in protection mode.

OH. I forgot to tell you. A guy finally went to ask me out kind of like how I would like it to happen. IN the bookstore! Sunday, I decided to stop in the bookstore and I felt this guy following me. He started talking to me. He was going to ask me out when I lied and said something about having a boyfriend. I give him much credit for trying. He was just not my type at all. I guess I got what I asked for, though, lol.

UR, I feel like I am doing the best job at life right now as I can do. I am, I am surviving, but I am oh so tired. I realize D10 does not rely on her dad for anything. I never have, but she is scared to ask him for any of her needs. It's always me. "mom, we gotta go get this, and go do that, and you need to email my teacher, get me more school supplies, new sneakers, new phone case, we need to study for this, and that....." She knows I am the only one who does this stuff. Sure, ex is good for taking her away to his friends house for the weekend. But doesn't handle any of the needs or day to day stuff. D10 AGAIN asked me to please talk to her dad about how mean he talks to D and OWW! I am trying to think of how to approach this (of course, OWW is on her own here) but the examples she gives shows me what an mean, angry, impatient man he still is. Of course I am happy I can be the parent who my daughter knows she can always rely on. But man, I feel like I just can't keep up.

I feel like I have never gotten my man-picker right ONCE. Now my daughter has to suffer for that.

I just wish I was a little bit more settled with a little but more security in my life. It's not the case, so I am just going to take it day by day, moment by moment.


D10 wanted decorations for Valentines day. SO I decorated the house for when she woke up and got her some small gifts and a card. She was really really happy. Then we wen tot our favorite bagel place because I knew they had heart shaped pink bagels, so it was another surprise. Tonight we have PT, but before then, she wants Chinese takeout. So that's our V day meal.

I became a little nostalgic over last V-day. It was really kind of awesome.

But maybe there is a new kind of awesome in store for me. Not a big fan of the holiday anyways.

Last edited by job; 02/14/18 02:21 AM.
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Pink bagels and chinese food with your daughter sounds like the best valentines day!!!!

I went through a slump these past few years during the divorce where i could barely function and it feels great being enthusiastic over a holiday with my son.
Last year i forgot to give him valentines for his classmates and just didnt even think it was important. This year little cards and rulers and chocolates for all the teachers and his specialists!

It felt good to care about the little things again.

Hapoy valentines day!


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
JujuB #2778706 02/14/18 08:44 AM
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Juju, I think that's great you can find the joy in the holidays again especially with your son. They really bring out the innocence and joy in the holidays. My daughter just lit up with the hearts all over the house where I wrote little messages on them. I am personally happy she is now in middle school and we don't have to do the valentines for the whole class though. But the club she is in in after care is throwing a valentines party today and she asked me to pick up conversation hearts, so I did. Happy valentines day to you too!

Well, it is nearing 4pm and this guy hasn't even texted. Quite frankly, I don't appreciate that. Some days I initiate the first text if I didn't reply because I fell asleep the night before, but I left it in his hands today, and nothing. He's losing points with me!

Work has absolutely been H@ LL!! With this new system everything has gone wrong and we are finding all the mistakes, working late, weekends, ect. I have to hear that woman at work that I cannot stand way too much now. I have never wanted to tell someone to "STFU!" so much as I do her. I would rather spend a day with OWW, than this one. That says a lot. Her friend is a manager of another department and I heard her saying to her " I can't believe your team left on time today, I told my team "if you are salaried, you aren't leaving on time" She did not realize I was still hear and I overheard her. Biotch has no clue what we have been doing. I have her a nasty look.

Anyways. I am a little testy today if you can't tell. A little sad, and very hormonal. All this is not a good combo. I can't wait to go get D10 an give her a great big hug.

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It's probably not my best idea to poke anyone feeling a little sad and very hormonal, but I'm going to comment anyhow. smile

I do this mostly from a guys point of view with pretty much any woman - not at all just you. I have the inside scoop from what you've posted here - which could help or could actually make it worse. But from just a guys point of view... We guys sometimes can't win! We are never sure because our actions might be taken the wrong way. It's Valentine's Day with someone we hardly know and have only had drinks with. So what do we do? I've heard you say/write multiple times now, that this latest guy (need a name for him) is trying a bit too hard. He's sweet but trying too hard - right? So now he backs off, is not trying as hard, to which now you don't appreciate that and he's losing points with you. He/we just can't win. If he would have had flowers delivered or something "big" (big for where you're at) he would be trying too hard and you'd have been turned off. So he's done nothing -.yet, the day is not over - and you're turned off while he loses points. We guys can't win. Can't be to much nor too little - it has to be j u s t R I g h t ! ! ! Lol

Keeping score? It's his turn to initiate the first text volley. Does he know this?

Can he win? Or is everything going to either be too much or not enough? So much for living in the moment and just letting whatever happens happen.

Now, I get it, I really do. It's much easier to say we are going to do something that is not in our nature to do - like living in the moment and not over-thinking - and much harder to actually do it, especially when we've done it most of our lives.

Sometimes it just seems like us guys can never get it just right. smile

I do still luv ya though G. Hope the daughter hug helps!


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
DonH #2778719 02/14/18 01:34 PM
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I agree with Don. A guy you just had drinks with once is on very thin ice when it comes to Valentine's Day. I don't think there is an appropriate message that wouldn't seem presumptuous or needy in certain lights; frankly if a guy I met once came on strong with the Valentine's day stuff I'd run the other way, so I'd give him a pass on this.

Cute stuff you did with your daughter, I'm sorry she's so affected by your angry ex. Do you think it's more useful to speak to him, or to OWW (gag)?

kml #2778737 02/15/18 02:08 AM
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It was just interesting how chatty he was the day before and how he chooses V-day to back off and send nothing until 6pm? (yes, he texted at 6pm). I didn't want anything from him at all Valentines day wise. He doesn't even know where I live or work.

Can he win? it really isn't a matter of winning or losing. I do think the choice he made was poor, but I don't really care. Maybe I really am a difficult person to date. Maybe it really is me. Could very well be.

Like I said, yesterday wasn't a good day for me, today isn't either. I am losing my patience at work and I am STILL very hormonal. And after all I did for my D10 last night in front of everyone at PT she took an nasty attitude because I wouldn't stop at CVS and get her chocolate which she was "craving". She did eventually apologize, but it did hurt.

Talk to OWW? I have thought about it. But there are a few risks I take with this. Her being scared to go behind his back. Her getting defensive because she will realize I also know what she is putting up with too. I honestly don't mind sitting down with her if I knew she would be receptive, but there are too many risks. I have to calculate this carefully.

Last night I got a group text initiated by FF's sister. To us girls from the gym. SHe sent a pic of the wine glass we got her. told her I was wearing my "wine is my valentine" t shirt. She said she was wearing her grandma robe and said "I don't understand how we are still single!" how does she know I am single? She told us how her aunt and uncle died. Very sad. We are all planning to get together again. Should be interesting.

Anyways, going to the movies with my friend tonight. Dinner with my dad and stepmom on sunday, date still stands for sunday.

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Ginger,

Interesting thread, thought id share my last week as its somewhat related. My attitude to dating has changed lately, not sure if its right or wrong but it is what it is for now. Hell who knows, maybe I'm just too comfortable with being single at this point.

So I've been out on two first dates in the last week. I got back on the online apps, more so just looking for some conversation from boredom but open to dates if someone caught my eye. Plus the aspect of the app giving instant gratification by seeing who would match, which ends up being what the apps are used more for anyway. (which reminds me that video you posted about relationships, I related a ton to it)

Two women I was chatting with for a bit ended up asking me on the same day if I wanted to get together. The first was younger (25) and while the conversation at dinner was decent, I didn't see it going anywhere and we haven't talked since the date. I'm sure she would have went out again if I asked, but she just wasn't for me.

Dinner with the second woman went much better. We have quite a few things in common (except having kids, I keep attracting women without kids for some reason). Anyway, I know she had a good time and I did also, I mentioned as I walked her to her car we should do this again sometime but didn't make definite plans and I gave her a hug but didn't attempt a kiss, didn't feel like the right time but I considered it. I actually thought about your story with the guy rushing the kiss before we walked to her car, haha. Anyway, she texted me to see if I got home ok and we both said we had a good time and said good night.

I haven't texted her back since then and that was Monday night. I considered texting her on valentines day but at the same time it didn't feel right and more so I didn't feel the strong urge to. I'm very busy right now so I don't want to start a precedent where I start to look at every interaction of whos texting first and if its my turn to go first, so I stay away from texting as much as I can. I also feel like its more important to get to know someone in person so we actually have stuff to talk about on dates.

I work full time, go to school two nights a week, have a men's group another night and have my kids 4 nights a week. More than ever I am beginning to love freedom on being single and the idea of a relationship seems so foreign. My time is limited and anyone I'm seeing has to be patient with that and me. It might bite me in the ass and end up taking a very long time for me to start a relationship that goes more than a few dates but taking things slow is something very important to me. I rushed into a R with the ex and I wont do it again, so that drives some of my actions.

So, not sure this helps at all but thought I would share my perspective


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Fogg #2778768 02/15/18 06:39 AM
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One of the things that I absolutely love about these boards and the people here is that I always get to see someone else's perspective. And, sometimes it is so super helpful. Today, in reading the responses that all of you have given to G, I think, wow....these are some smart folks. I agree, by the way, with what everyone before me said, G. I really can't add anything, because they have so eloquently put it out there.

Sorry for the hormonal part. Hopefully that passes soon. Sounds like you have good weekend stuff planned, though, so good for you. It is right around the corner! smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Dawn70 #2779073 02/19/18 02:35 AM
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I am glad I decided to go on a second date. I went very well. And in a direction I guess I didn't expect.

He picked me up at my house. He had flowers, Hershey's cookies (because I told him I love chocolate and cookies) and even something for D10. He opened the car door for me too. I was impressed. We went bowling and we had a wager on it and I actually beat him. I got to pick where we had dinner and I chose a nearby new resturaunt that had just opened. it was a 40 min wait for a table, so we had a drink at the bar and talked.

He told me I looked beautiful, but his favorite quality of mine is my personality. He appreciates my sarcasm and I can take what I dish. I appreciate the same in him.

I realize his LL is physical touch. Which is also one of my top, but not until I get comfortable. As we spent more time together and the day went on, I came to enjoy it. Actually, I became quite attracted to him. And when we got back to my place, he came in for a little and there was definitely some physical touch going on and it was very nice.

We have a date coming up Friday night and Sunday night. Friday I am going to go to his neck of the woods and we are going out to dinner, and Sunday, he is coming over and I am making dinner and we are going to watch a movie.

So far, so good, and I am looking forward to it.

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Ginger,

You are a beautiful young woman who has so much to offer people. Don't ever put yourself down. Hold your head up and your mantra should be "I'm a good person and I deserve the best that life has to offer and I will not be a second prize to anyone".

I am so tickled to read your posting and that your second date went very well. He did all the right things that a gentleman should do for his lady. I think that the more you interact w/him, the more you'll enjoy his company and he will feel the same way. You already know this...take things slowly and just enjoy the time you spend together. Don't rush the process!

I am looking forward to reading about your next few dates. Just enjoy the time you spend w/him.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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