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A Message from Michele
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Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: PeterV2] #2618400
10/22/15 10:59 PM
10/22/15 10:59 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
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u-turn Offline
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u-turn  Offline
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U
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
I sure hope for the best for you. I have to think that it is a good sign that she went.

Has there been any change in the dynamics at home?

Wishing you peace.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: u-turn] #2623707
11/14/15 01:32 AM
11/14/15 01:32 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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P
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
I've really detached, to the point where I don't really even care which way things go. I still do have a preference to save the marriage, but there's so much going on in both our lives with our businesses that I don't have a lot of time to agonize over the sitch.
She continues to talk about our future and planning our home and business lives. She still is trying to manage her depression and going regularly to the doctor to tweak the meds. I'm not putting any pressure on her or bringing up any R talk. I'm just working and being civil.
She has been way nicer to me over the past couple of weeks. But that could change on a dime. There's a history of that behaviour.
Anyway, continuing limbo. The potential buyer of the RH is touring it again next week. Still if we can't fill the rooms I sent word to our new government that we'll take in a dozen Syrian refugees. Waiting to hear back on that.
One day soon I'll ask if she'd be interested in a join MC session. But when the time is right.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: PeterV2] #2629774
12/09/15 04:17 AM
12/09/15 04:17 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
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u-turn Offline
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
Peter-I was just thinking of you. Hope everything is alright. I know it's tough to post when there is little movement, but would like to hear about how things are going.

Wishing you peace.
u-turn


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: u-turn] #2700057
08/27/16 05:11 AM
08/27/16 05:11 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
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P
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
Just checking in. Piecing things back together slowly. Still trying to sell the retirement home (RH). She started kissing me on the lips on our anniversary in July. Now she says ILY. But still sleeping in separate beds and the only intimacy is hugs. I'm in the guest room. She comes in at night to kiss me good night.

We really need to offload that RH. Have a plan and consultants working on getting that done in the next 4 months. Then a huge weight will be lifted off of us.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: PeterV2] #2700320
08/28/16 05:17 PM
08/28/16 05:17 PM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 27
East Coast
M
MMM1919 Offline
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MMM1919  Offline
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M
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 27
East Coast
Thanks for sharing Peter! Glad to hear there are movements in a positive direction for some of us.

Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: MMM1919] #2771088
12/11/17 03:08 PM
12/11/17 03:08 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
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PeterV2  Offline OP
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
Well it's been a hard 15 months since my last post.
In Sept 16 the night staff quit at the RH so I moved in because we had no money to pay anyone. The place was bleeding red ink. I took over the management from my wife who basically stopped working there. I called in a consultant and formulated a plan and built it from 2 residents in Oct 16 to 10 resident in Jun 17. Then We got and offer and finally sold the place end of Sept 17. Then wife & I took a 5 week tour around the world. It was fun and we're good company, but after 5 years with no sex from my wife - and I kept asking. I had it and a couple of weeks ago I was out of town on business and hired a couple of escorts to my hotel room to feel the closeness of a woman. It was totally unsatisfying. But worse, my wife somehow seems to monitor my ipad and iphone and saw all the messages. She confronted me on Saturday and after trying to deny it, I admitted to doing it. S**t hit the fan. She attacked me and when I tried to defend myself she called the police. They believed that I was just trying to defend myself, so after they left I left town to stay at my kids' place. Now it's Monday and she came home late and said we need to talk. I told her I think it best that we divorce.
She said she loves me but is furious about my infidelity. She hugged me and kissed me but then moments later threated me if I ever lie to her again.
I don't know what to do. We're about to leave on another 6 week vacation but is she just a gold digger or is she really wanting to work it out? I can't tell. She seems to be all over the place. I fear that if I stay, she'll never let me forget it. She always brings up things from 10 years ago that I did wrong. I fear I'll never live this one down. I was thinking to change the trip itinerary so that we go our separate ways, but she likes my company and wants to go together. But it could be a trip from hell for me, having to jump through hoops for scraps of love. Haven't had sex with her for almost 5 years. Driving me crazy. (If you go back in my posts you'll see had an affair 4 years ago)
Don't know what to do.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: PeterV2] #2772108
12/20/17 08:03 AM
12/20/17 08:03 AM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,896
Florida
K
karen43 Offline
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karen43  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,896
Florida
Hi. I haven't been on the site for a while but I see you've been getting great advice here. I caught up on your thread and you say you don't want to live in a sexless lifeless marriage. Your wife seems just fine with that though. Totally fine.

I would give her an ultimatum of doing marriage counseling and see a therapist specializing in sex therapy. If she won't do it and I mean immediately no delay for reason a, b, or c, I would look into filing for divorce. That is unless you decide you want the sexless lifeless marriage. Sorry for the harshness.


Me 53
D18, S24
Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: karen43] #2777596
02/02/18 01:42 PM
02/02/18 01:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
P
PeterV2 Offline OP
Member
PeterV2  Offline OP
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 485
Ontario, Canada
I agree.


M: 59 W: 53
M: 9 yrs
T: 14 yrs
No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine)
W moved out 11/18/2013
D-Day 12/14/2013
W moved back home 12/1/2014
Re: Continuing Limbo [Re: PeterV2] #2778651
02/13/18 03:25 PM
02/13/18 03:25 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 786
T
twinmom Offline
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twinmom  Offline
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T
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 786
Peter, you put too much weight on getting rid of the retirement home and too much hope that your marriage would dramatically improve just because of that. Your wife hasn't done ANY work to 'clean up her side of the street'. No, you shouldn't have hired an escort. You should have filed for divorce a long time ago.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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