We had a face to face R talk. W is getting her needs filled with OM. So there is no need to think MR as an option. She told me that she has acted most of our M. And I believe that. I've seen glimpses of the "real" her. She told me that maybe things would be different if she stopped acting. But she's in total denial. She has done everything right, I'm the bad guy. When we talked about if we are willing to commit to our MR she said I don't know. She is afraid that everything will be the same for her. That I haven't changed and thus can't fullfill her needs. How in earth can I show her if she isn't willing to see?
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Is it ok that I signed off the living arrangements? I wont be going to Ws apartment anymore. And we will live under the same roof every other week. And she's out of the MBR.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
All I can do is laugh at the spew I'm getting again. I told W that my part of the renovation debt will be paid when I buy the apartment. She went nuts! The f-word was there about 30 times. Wow. I should have told her about my plans and ask her if it would be ok for me to pay my part of the debt. And then staryed the you're such a f-ing saint, we were never good for each other etc...
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Is it common for WW to seek IC? W told me that she has thought about it. Butbhasn't had the time or money for it. Seems weird since she told me that she is not the type of person to get pro help.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Today was another bad day. I talked with my dad and he asked if I would go with him to my brothers grave. I just collapsed. I just fell on the floor crying. I'm so f-ing broken right now. I'm so hurt. I just want to crawl in to a pit and stay there. When will this pain go away? When can I start processing my brothers death? When can I mourn that?
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Hi Petri, I don't know the story about your brother's passing but I'm so deeply sorry to read that you're dealing with that on top of your wife leaving. That's too much for anyone to handle. You poor guy. You need someone who loves you just to take care of you for a while! Sometimes we just can't make it alone. Someone else has to take the pain away at least temporarily and do things for us. Can your dad do that?
Are you Finnish? I've been to Finland and know the culture. It's very hard there to be open and meet people without alcohol. It's not like the US where you can join any support group and have a ton of new friends or walk into a room and everyone's smiling and shaking your hand and friendly. Maybe you need a vacation friend. Maybe you need to fly for a week to any Latin American country, the US, Italy, Egypt, any sub-Saharan African country....just to be in a warm and friendly place. I'm sure your environment doesn't help matters.
It hurts me that she has had this A for months. You all told me but I was in denial. Deep inside I knew it. What to do now? I still want her back. I'll post what she has said about the A and our MR a little later.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
So here's what I've heard since hearing about OM. It's not serious but has been going on for 3-4 months. She said that the OM is the reason why she doesn't want to think about trying on M. And the MR has been off from the start. There was never real passion, real chemistry, that deep feeling. And that she believes that she will never get what she needs and wants from me but the OM gives her all that. And that she hasn't been the real her in our R/MR.
And then there are the accusations that the visit to the child welfare officer and selling the house are only my agendas to get her scared and come back.
Am I right if I assume that this is all going according the "WW script"? Because she is WW isn't she.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Yes she is WW she just admitted it to you. I also agree with her as I also got the feeling the selling the house was a ploy on your part to get her back. IMO after everything she just told you , you need to go in the opposite direction. Accept that tour marriage is over for now and build an awesome life for you and your kids. If you pursue in anyway this will make you look weak and pathetic.
This isn’t over you are still early in the process. No more talks and definitely no pursuit.
This $hit ain’t easy but you will survive and thrive if you choose to.
