Picking up Her MESS #2

[marina7]

Journaling,
I honestly thought that my feelings for my W went away lately is a heavy pain in my heart again missing her especially waking up. I always thought I was going die old holding my W hands taking my last breath with her. Again I been a fixer always fix the problems we had or anyone this is the first time in my life I can't fix this what ever this is. I question and even look through old text W was so happy and smiling and even told me how much W loved our family and Loved me. And like a light switch the light went out in her eyes and heart. It's been almost 10 months since I lost W and walk away from kids. Till this day I wish I knew what happen, I thought W was a strong Women to be able to fight any demons within herself.

W was loved so much by kids and me and W knew I always made sure she knew I LOVE her and appreciated everything she did for us. Now I just sit here replaying What happen to Us.

I thought with time my heart will get stronger, but I was wrong. I'll just keep praying W deserves to be happy I pray that God will lead her back to his kingdom and W would realize that everything in this world can be fix.

W37,Me39
S9,D9 and S8 
BD April 2017
Ow May2017
W moved out May2017 I think OW and W live together not confirm

[marina7]

Just venting,
So W declines Guardian litem for kids that my lawyer has line up accused of my lawyer being friends and W feels she would be setup... OMG I thought I heard it all now I am paying kids counselor to say negative things. I am not sure who W is any more she now claiming I am paying everyone off. Wow just wow. All we can keep doing is praying for her and for my S9 to come home safe where he belongs. Am lost to even know if W going through a midlife crisis or waw or just mentally gone.

[Surv1ve]

Hi Marina,

I don't have a lot to add, but I just wanted to say hello and say how incredibly painful this sounds to me. I can't even imagine splitting my two children up. They deserve to have at least that much stability. It sounds all so painful.

As to your kids, research shows that if kids have ONE adult in their lives who has their back no matter what, they are quite likely to be resilient. You don't need your W to be that ONE if you are going to be it. I mean, more is better and no doubt that this is painful, but we move through trauma when we know we are loved. So much pain for all of them trying to sort out why one kid and not the other, ouch.

I wish I had more to offer, other than wow and ouch and your W sounds like she's lost her marbles. I hope, for your sake and the young ones, you can keep your marbles together as you sort this out. Come and vent and journal and we will read and support where we can.

[Joe2017]

Marina, I'd take you out for a beer if I could. You are a strong man! Show your kids strength, compassion, and grace. You are doing great. Keep it up!

[marina7]

Surv1ve,
Thank you for your kind words, I say the same thing on top of this painful time she separated sibilings it's been hard I mean really hard on my kids my d9 is doing things that am worry. I have them in counseling they go every week. And myself I go twice. My W don't seen to care the damage she has done on top of losing there mom they lost there brother, s9 says I miss my twin mom. God knows I tried to have this conversation with W but she is to far gone to have a conversation with her. W says kids adjust. Wtf.... but as there other mom (me) all am going keep doing is being there for them day and night. And letting them know am forever here and will always be here am never leaving them.

W37,Me39
S9,D9 and S8 all three adopted
BD April 2017
Ow May2017
W moved out May2017 I think OW and W live together not confirm

[marina7]

Joe,
Thanks buddy if you ever in Illinois let me knqow. God knows I haven't told many people of sitch. The only people that know arethe important onces that been there for me and kids.

[Surv1ve]

I am so sorry, and I hope this is not hurtful to either you or Joe, Marina, but I thought that you were a woman? And, your W has run off with another woman, right? As queer woman on the board, I just want to make make sure I understood correctly.

I am hungry for more stories of MLC or other major overnight shifts in queer/LGBT relationships.

[Surv1ve]

Oh, yup, it's confirmed in there.

I think the extra issue that queerspawn have to deal with is that sometimes they feel this need to be "perfect" to prove that our families are just as okay, too. I remmeber I was at a conference on LGBT health and the keynote speaker joked that her daughter was off delivering her own presentation later that day and "OF COURSE SHE IS" talking about the drive to perfection that some of our kids face to "prove" our families are just as okay. I know that one of the reasons I haven't talked broadly about what's happening at home is because I am "known" locally as the "poly triad raising kids" and people say, "Well, must be okay as they've all been together for 10 years." So, if I say that this nonsense is going on, then they will say, "Oh, it's because that family has been wrong from the get go." Just adds another layer, you know? Personal shame and community shame... and, I wonder about the kids in term of the desire to prove our families are okay by being overachievers... what kind of pressure?

Anyway, all that to say, it's nice to see another story on the board from a non-hetero family and you sound like you're an incredible mom and will be able to give those kids the unending love they deserve. Did you adopt them later? Were there pre-existent attachment issues? All that to say that they might need extra love and stability right now and wondering if you can do anything to buffer up their support network? And, with that in mind, I am cheering you on in trying to keep them together and I'm so sorry that has already prove so challenging.

[marina7]

Surv1ve,
Yes, I am a very proud lesbian and was,with W 10yrs and W ran out with another woman that is a coworker.

Thank you again.

[marina7]

Surv1ve,

Yes is hard on us already fighting off the ones that don't believe in the LGBTQ or against us. So to answer your question. W and I adopted together we met in 2007 it was not legal in Illinois yet so we got a domestic partnership we did small ceremony. Our S9 was unexpected as we where only dating 10 months he was taken from W cousin CPS got involved for child abuse S9 was 3 months and we where also his God mother's after years in court we legally adopted S9 we both adopted him as our son. Almost 4yrs later I recieve another call from cps for my sister kids s8 and d9 at the time s9 my first son and d9 was my niece where 3 1/2 they where literally 2 weeks apart this is why we call them the twins they been inseparable since then. In process W and I adopted s8 and d9 legally. So by law my kids are ours they all adopted. My W thought because it was her cousin son it was her blood. Btw this is what W has told everyone even her lawyer he is my blood.. SMH W has also stated if S9 was not my blood I wouldn't give a f*** either. I have never looked at my kids as adopted I always tell them God brought them to us. W has made it clear that it wasn't true she never wanted them. W is pretty cruel. I feel the system for child Care has fail kids out here. I am being my kids voice. I simply am fighting now why force kids to go with W when w hasmade it clear she doesn't want them. I know is already hard enough for us LGBTQ this is another part of life that we don't live that life many straight couple do we have the same struggle even a little harder. My case is a first for the judge they didn't know how to petition it so my lawyer has done paper work like a husband and wife would for kids.

Thank you so much feels good to see someone also in our LGBTQ community, wish we didn't met this way but everything happens for a reason.