Oh - realized I never updated the fact that his girlfriend broke up with him via text message on his second day on buprenorphine. I'm secretly relieved because their relationship was very volatile, she's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder,. He was quite upset initially but after a couple of days and extensive reading online about relationships with borderlines he's starting to get some perspective on the experience. And he didn't relapse, so that's good.
You are an amazing mom. Not all moms could accept this or handle this. My ex MIL is an enabler and denied despite tons of proof. Denial is an easy and tempting way out. Your son is truly blessed to have a mother with your back ground, strength and grit.
I think there are many on here whose ex spouses have problems with addiction. And i kind of felt like its just taken for granted on these boards. Like par for the course. But these addictions, especially the opiates have destroyed so many lives. Im glad its finally getting recognized as an epidemic by society.
Your son is so young. I am glad he has you for an advocate. And I wish for you the greatest success in beating this.
Good to hear that he's doing well - and considering he's less than one week into starting this latest treatment attempt, he really is doing pretty well. Not sure if the GF used as well, I think that was the case and if so, it's best if she is out of the picture.
If bup were going to help his depression, it likely would be showing some signs. That said, perhaps it is? He's not gong to have a full lift and be anwxungky happy. Rather the floor should raise and the deep depressive feelings should lift. If he's out hiking and doing other things, that may be happening.
Perhaps best of all, as long as he is taking the medication, overdose is nearly impossible. That's a win no matter what else happens.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Yes, the girlfriend was using, she went through detox a couple of weeks before him, but is not on maintenance therapy. I hope they stay apart, he seems to be realizing that dealing with someone with a personality disorder like hers is way beyond what he expected. Plus her risk of relapse is high and I wouldn't want him to go down with her. (Or vice versa.)
I took him out hiking, but he was willing to go, he does love being out in nature. (Unfortunately cut short by me slipping on some rocks crossing a stream and whacking my knee - just seems to be bruised, luckily). My challenge is to get him doing more things out of the house. He wouldn't get up early enough to come out to breakfast with the rest of the household yesterday but he did make himself a good omelet while we were gone, so that's a good sign. Getting him to eat is always a challenge.
Son is doing ok. Ex BF, not so much. He was living in a nice sober house and had just started a good new construction job when he fell off the wagon again. This was in the middle of when I was dealing with my son. After a brief stint in detox he seemed to be doing ok but went off the deep end again. Was in a nice detox facility that also got him to a psychiatrist who finally prescribed lithium for his dysphoric mania (which seems to be the trigger for his relapses). Unfortunately after only two days on lithium he spun out again.
I was going to spend the day yesterday with an old friend-with-benefits, looking forward to a brief relaxing escape from my troubles. But my 1 1/2 hour drive there was marked by repeated phone calls from ex BF, who had left the detox facility in the middle of the night, returned there, was taken to the hospital, left again. High as a kite . I finally had to turn my phone off. Enjoyed my date but was woken at one a.m. by exBF pounding on my door and demanding I turn over his credit cards (which he gave to me for safe-keeping so he wouldn't spend).
I had to give them to him (big scary manic dude high on meth). I'm done trying to help him. I was managing his finances for him, but it's just too stressful for me to see him make some progress then dig himself into a hole on a bender. Plus I can't have him bringing his crazy to my doorstep.
I had hoped he would be able to get well, and was willing to try to help him with that. But I can't deal with his mania and drug use anymore; I've got too many other problems closer to home to tend to.
(The date was good despite the interruptions. I'm reading a book about the Spanish Flu pandemic, so I read some out loud to him while he cooked a delicious steak dinner. Later in the evening he told me how sexy that was. Gotta love a guy who finds your nerdy side sexy! Too bad this is the Love Avoidant guy who "doesn't do relationships " as he told me soon after we met. Still, right now a once a month date with no strings attached is about all I can handle anyway. And if he's smart, sexy, and a great cook, who am I to complain?)
For my birthday went to see I Feel Pretty, the new Amy Schumer movie. (Plot line - Amy hits here head and wakes up believing she's beautiful. Self confidence brings about great changes)
It's a great movie for anyone who is dating after divorce. And I realize, to a certain extent, that after my divorce I became a more confident dater than I was in my 20's. Even though objectively I was thinner and prettier then, I had much more confidence in myself once I started dating after divorce. I know who I am, I know I'm a badass (how many women learn to play the drums in a punk band in their 50's?), I know I'm smart and interesting, and I know I'm kind and sexy. And when you own who you are, and are comfortable in your own skin, it's true - men are drawn to you.
Hi Ellie, I have no idea where I've been the past five months, but I just caught up on your thread ... wow. You're dealing with a lot! How are you? How is your son?
xoxoxo {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thanks butterfly. Guess I haven't posted in a while. Son is stable on Suboxone but still suffering from bad depression. It's a constant worry.
Manic ex-boyfriend snapped out of his manic episode end of January. He was stable and doing well on lithium until about a month ago when he slipped into another month long manic episode. He's finally stabilized inpatient right now (they've added a new med, fingers crossed). I don't feel anything romantic towards him anymore but I do feel sorry for the havoc his bipolar disorder is bringing into his life and try to be a friend.
I've been seeing the friend with benefits about once a month and it's been a nice escape from my troubles but I can see I'm going to have to start dating other people sooner rather than later. I just find myself wanting more attention than he has to give (because he's the only one I'm seeing while he has other long term fwb's that he also sees so he doesn't need as much from me).
And yet, I know that in my current situation, I don't really have the time and energy for a new relationship (much less the work it takes to find someone new.) I reactivated my online dating profile for a minute last night, took one look around and decided I definitely don't have the energy for that right now so I deactivated it again. Maybe in a few months things will calm down enough for that. Right now I'll just practice flirting in line at Starbucks.
Meanwhile I've also been busy with professional stuff (taught at a conference in April, attending a conference in FL at the end of this month) and musically (big gigs coming up in May and July playing vibraphone for my friend and a short East Coast tour in August. ) So really, I guess I should just be thankful for the fwb that I have and realize I haven't got room for more right now.
