Ok, so this came up on my FB feed and I decided it was just what I needed to get back in shape and lose some of these worry pounds I've gained in the last 3 years. It's called the 1,000 Mile Challenge and the goal is very simple - to walk or run 1,000 miles in 2018. (Kind of like a Nanowrimo for exercise).
I'm no runner but I can walk. It works out to about 20 miles a week. My work is pretty sedentary so the need to crank out 3 miles a day to stay on course with the challenge should be just the movement I need to make up for sitting so much.
If you want to check it out, look for the 1,000 Mile Challenge page on FB.
I know this time of year is rough for many of us. Holidays that now have to be split, and for many of us, memories of BD. (Why do so many of them BD right before the holidays?).
I've been luckier than most, I suppose. My ex lives in the same city and we alternate - one gets the kids Xmas eve, one Xmas day. My mom lives with me so I have her company when the kids are gone. Wrapping presents does always bring back bad memories of how ex would go to sleep Xmas eve and leave me to wrap presents by myself until one in the morning. But otherwise I've found ways to adjust.
One year, early on, I was going to be alone on Xmas day (mom had gone to visit my sister in another state, and it was my year to do Xmas eve with the kids). But even that year worked out, if unconventionally. I had a second date with a Love Avoidant guy on Xmas day ( he's a bit of a loner and has no kids of his own). It was actually a lovely day and although we didn't date long, we're still friends.
I guess my point is - don't get stuck in your ideas of how the holidays have to be. They change eventually when your kids grow up anyway. So come up with new ways to fill the gaps. Make plans with single friends, or invite yourself to family friends, or take a bubble bath and watch a Hallmark Xmas movie.
I guess my point is - don't get stuck in your ideas of how the holidays have to be.
I spent the 23rd and 24th building a garden bench out of rough cut cedar. On Christmas day, my sons were with me, but they went to be with mommy for lunch.
While my sons were gone, I noticed that I had a huge splinter in one of my fingers; I didn't even know it was there. I had to cut through some of the skin to get to the thorn so I could pull it out. And that's the cool thing about Christmas this year; I had to play doctor with myself. It was a Christmas miracle!
Now I only have to perform six more miracles. Since my standard for miracles is relatively low, I think the other six miracles will happen before the end of the year.
As many of you know, after my divorce I dated a string of Love Avoidant men. Then I started dating a guy who seemed relationship oriented, who turned out, after four years together, to have a whole secret life on the side.
The last year that relationship blew up and multiple issues with my kids and mom have left me feeling too drained to have the energy to date. But yesterday I spent the day with one of those Love Avoidant guys I used to date - and it was lovely. We went to the movies (saw The Darkest Hour, the movie about Churchill, which was great. This guy is knowledgeable about film and fun to talk with about books and movies). He cooked me dinner (incredible lobster and salmon with asparagus and mushrooms- delish! ) We talked and laughed and had wonderful sex (what's better than sex with someone who is equally attracted to your body and mind, and tells you so? And who embraces you with all your imperfections?)
And now I'm back in my life and don't have to worry about how to squeeze a new man into my life. I know he'll be perfectly happy not to see me for a month. And that works for me too right now.
Note that this guy is not Love Avoidant because he doesn't care. He's a guy with a soft squishy heart who has had a lot of trauma in the past. I have no doubt that his affection for me is sincere, as is mine for him. But he's a wounded bird who can only offer me this occasional warmth, and having known that from the beginning makes it easy to have no expectations.
I know - not much of a headline for Miss Pollyanna Optimist here. But I've just learned something that means 2018 is going to be a terrible struggle with stress beyond imagining.
I've just learned my youngest son - the 26 year old who struggles with depression and anxiety - is smoking heroin.
He doesn't know that I know. I'm trying to figure out my options for treatment before staging an intervention. I know that it's a terrible detox and that relapses in drug addiction are the norm. My heart is broken and I know that it's all on me (as my ex wouldn't even help pay for insurance and I think it would be counterproductive to have him at the intervention).
I know from past experience that Love Avoidant guy is no good in a crisis. And exBF who is in rehab could be helpful but he's going through another mental health crisis himself this weekend. Yes I have good friends and family to help but it's not the same as having a partner to lean on, or even an ex-spouse who's not a narcissist to plan with.
So what was supposed to be a few relaxing days off has turned into a scramble, trying to get information, straighten out his COBRA on his insurance, find out my options for treatment, figure out how to keep this from financially ruining me, and keep a poker face (as I don't want to let him know that I know until I have things in place for an intervention).
And here I was looking forward to a better 2018 after all the shitty events of 2017. No such luck . Send prayers.
. Send prayers.