Picking up Her MESS #2

[Vanilla]

Great to hear from you Marina.

Your W is clearly disrespecting her children. It must hurt to hear it, such lovely children and they are hurting.

So are you, loss of a spouse and loss of your dreams of a family life with W. That W is WW. Why does she lie about OW to the Children?

Makes no sense to me or you. But it has some crazy logic to WW. It's going to be ok Marina, you are a great mum and have a fabulous family. You are the heart and soul of your family, that's obvious.

I am sending you peace today. Resist the urge to send WW any apology letter. If it helps to write down your thoughts do so but don't send it. Sit on it for a long while, in due course lovely lady you will smile to yourself at it. Please stay safe and hold on to your loving thoughts of your children.

You have the most precious gift of all, a parent's love which your WW envieS greatly.

V

[marina7]

Journaling,
I pick up S9 today, I hate this I ask myself what is this or I ask myself over and over how did I get here what happen to what we once had. Over night literally gone W just gone. I see FB last year post memories and this day W and I went on a date, and there's video of W and kids dancing and laughing. What happen to her.

Today for the first time I paused and look at W I honestly haven't been able to look at her it hurts to much, but today I seen a person that I know is drinking heavy and dark around her eyes which means she is not sleeping well. I know am not 10yrs with my W we never slept apart we always needed each other to sleep. God I miss her so much, people say with time you heal am going on 10months and pain feels worse. I again know there's to much damage for us to even fix to much hurt to much pain. But God knows I want W to find her PEACE. There's this song that I dedicated to W "Praying" by kesha when I need a good cry I just listen to it. Only she knows how much I will always LOVE her but like they say when you LOVE something so much you have to let it go if they want to go. I let her go because W told me if you LOVE me you will let me go and if meant to be I'll come back. But through all this to much damage done.

Taking it a day at a time

[marina7]

Journaling,
This weekend had a great weekend with my Trio's btw I have always called them this since adopting all three, D9 seem like herself with S9 as they call themselves the twins, they where unseparable in d9 room catching up laughing and also crying I try my best to not get them involved on what's going on with me and W and court things. D9 tells s9 I miss you so much I miss my other half s9 says me too d9 crying uncontrollably I hate this why did W break us up s9 says let mom's handle this,s9 says am coming home soon d9 just crying I pretend I wasn't listening I said what's going on munchkins they said nothing I said you sure s9 says yeah mom we just talking we got this you worry to much about us are you ok mom as tears running down my eyes I said of course buddy just love seeing us together. S8 is in lala land he all about cartoons sometimes he has his moments. Had my friend over she is amazing to kids through all this and been there with my breakdowns when I can't get myself out of bed she pulls through and takes me out my funk I call it. We played games we laughed and cried and cook together on Sunday big Superbowl day, am from North Philly so cheering for Eagles S9 Eagles fan and d9 and s8 and friend Patriots fan we where making bets and joking and cooking great food for Superbowl, and music blasting and dancing, of course time flies to take s9 back, I say hey buddy gotta get ready s9 says do I really gotta go, d9 jumps in wagon why does he gotta go Why and storms off. S9 saying let me call mom, I had a breakdown my friends all said all this is almost over you must be strong. I wanted to call W so bad to say can s9 stay till game is over but I know there is no negotiation with W, W is in a place where she thinks she is the law and somewhere in her mind seperating sibilings was the best thing for her. Smdh... I explained to s9 buddy I wish you can but let's just get going, I promise to record it and not watch till next weekend when you here. S9 hugs me and says ok mom, I love you thanks for being the best mom we can ask for. So we drop s9, d9 and s8 in car, I get out with s9 and W of course can't even stare at me head down. Only waives to d9 and s8 I of course ask W would you like to say Hi to them W respond was if you let me or allow me to. I was blown from her response like really I never kept kids away I open door thinking W will go and say hi W stood there in cold snowing weather, I had to tell kids come out and say hi to your mom, W didn't even hug them a real hug it was more like a pat in the back. I tell myself WOW why do I even try. As soon we pull off to go home d9 is yelling and crying Why do you force her on us. I said I don't, my friend who was driving said is not my but your mom here is trying but I understand your frustration, d9 goes into why do you, she should open door and hug us and give us a kiss, she didn't even hug us it was a fake hug. I of course tried to console d9 saying I understand your frustration but one of us have to be the better person and lead by example for you three, s8 says you are the best mom we know you trying mom but W doesn't want us. D9 says exactly she hate us. I said hate is a big word I think W loves you three W is just having a hard time. D9 says never mind you always defending her. So we talk more I explained my best to them if I acted like W as a child and mean how would they feel, I explained again that am trying to lead by example and I hope when they one day get married that they won't go through this but if they do, they will know how to be the better person and parent always.

I know many will say I can't force W to do anything and I know that but I pray I at least could guide her to see again and that's her kids in front of her.
My friend stood with us and we talk she sees both sides of me being trying to do my best and d9 side friend recommended that I should back off with pushing kids on W, she says W is the adult here if those where my kids first thing I would have not abandon my family 2nd I would be the parent making sure they are ok with everything 3rd I will be making sure I call everyday and hug them every chance I get, the list goes on I see her point. I guess is hard for me to believe how can a parent just hate there kids so much especially at there age. Personally I don't get it I wish W will see this. And as I said W thinks she is the law in less than 2 weeks we start trial, my lawyer honestly thought we wouldn't go to trial but W thinks the judge is going to agree with her and say you did the right thing tearing sibilings apart or literally W says I took s9 because he is my blood from my FAMILY btw this is what W has told everyone s9 is her blood the only reason W,took him WOW.. I ask myself what does blood have to do with he our son who we adopted all together. Well let's see what happens.

I guess I'll keep fighting my way out this tunnel.

A day at a time

[Vanilla]

Marina

Could I ask a favour of you, just for poor old V and her eyesight?

A few paragraph breaks will help me read your journal.

I love reading about your family and your wonderful parenting.

Marina let the children have their view on WW and no promises she loves them. By all means you can say you think she does. Please let your kids tell you how they feel, by all means say you still think their mom loves them and finds it hard to show it. Or whatever seems right to you.

You can go on to say you love them more than the stars or deeper than the ocean and there are plenty of loving hugs to go round, extra rations. This is something that is natural to you, and the kids will truly believe you and feel that love.

My thoughts Marina

You are awesome

V

[marina7]

Vanilla,
So glad you came through I always look forward to your insight. Yes I will break paragraph more no problem any for V.

Yes I have assure the trio's that this mommy loves her munchkins to the moon and back. I also have stated to them I can't say or feel what there other mom thoughts are but it has nothing to do with them. They are amazing kids.

Since d9 went to W house after not seeing her for 3 months d9 seems confused she stated she doesn't know what to believe I of course told d9 there's nothing to be confused her job is to get good grades and be an amazing daugther I think W telling her she no longer with OW and s9 confirm W was lying she is with OW has my d9 not sure what's happening but as my mom said you don't say nothing keep being an amazing mom, W will dig her own grave.

Sometimes I wish our W or H can see that in this process finding themselves all they doing is hurting there kids and family and everyone who loves them.

[marina7]

Journaling
The last couple of days been rough, emotinally hurting I honestly don't know how I got here, I look through old text and messages and no sign of W wanting to leave lately I been wanting to call her and say can we talk it's been 4 months since we even said anything we do exchange without even one word I honestly don't even know even what to say or start I would have thought we would by now come to a agreement for kids sake but as I said W is very stubborn and thinks because she was in the military that the law is always in her side. I am exhausted through all this I just wanna crawl in a cave and stay there. Life just doesn't seem fair, I'll ve 40 in less than 2weeks I thought I would have my wife and kids with me on this big milestone. I keep reminding myself God is GOOD something GOOD will come out of this.

W37,Me39
S9,D9 and S8 
BD April 2017
Ow May2017
W moved out May2017 I think OW and W live together not confirm.

[Vanilla]

Yes there are days like this. Awful days when it appears life is pain.

They will get less as long as your tread the path you are on. The trouble with apologies and pleading is that they make things worse. Often much much worse and lengthen the process. Can also backfire on you too, be used as tools.

I think you know this.

Most hurtful is loss of dreams that will never be, they will be replaced by new dreams.

I read on another thread about a momentary EA lapse that could haunt you. Don't let it. Your thoughts about finding someone attractive and then pulling back are just that thoughts, it's not an EA. It's just thinking about it the dismissing.

No one is thought police, you will find others attractive in due course. Then you can move beyond thought, a long long way off I know.

You are a mom above all, a loving mom.

V

[marina7]

Advice needed,
Today W has to pick up s8 and d9 it's her weekend but we are getting snowed in literally but I have a truck that could drive through snow. Should I send W a text saying
Good morning, I know is snowing bad and you have a very small car would you like me to take d and s to your place.

I ask friend they said no because if it was me on the other hand your W would've even cared, but my thing is yes W would have not cared. But am not W I am not vicious or cold hearted no matter what is for my kids safety and my son who she has and just safe for everyone in general.

Please help how would any of you do.

[Maika]

I would do what's in the best interest of the kids, and put my feelings aside about her and what she would do in the same situation. Remember, you are the stable parent here right now.

Others might disagree and say that it's her business to figure this out.

[marina7]

Maika,
Exactly is not about W is about 3 kids safety, I would honestly give her the truck while she has kids,W has a small very small car that if she gets in a accident it will be totalled and even my kids hurt badly. I just wanted to see some opinions.

How would I text her without W assuming anything.

Text to W
Good morning, as we both know weather is bad for anyone to drive I know you have a small car I have the truck if it's ok with you I can drop kids off to your house.