Where do I even begin with this nightmare my kids and I been living.
Here we go and if I miss anything I will keep posting. May 2017 W literally walk away she just said those magic words ILYBNILWY, I lost myself the last ten years I need to find myself again. And as hard it hurted to hear W say those words I let her go. W leaving me with S9,D9 and S8 which we adopted together. I Knew I had to be strong for them W left and didn't hear from her only through text or when I seen her W was such a angry person. I started reading and understanding it was her fight not mines.
Around August W came by my new home where kids and I lived where we were adjusting to life without W there mommy, W took S9 saying you have 2 and I have him because I never wanted the last two again we adopted all three nobody force her but in W head she never wanted this life, I guess being a wife and mother.I live in Illinois where child custody is 50/50 W made a choice to take only 1 because in W head she makes her own rules.
I just had surgery through spine no money coming in but have amazing family and friend I finally hired a lawyer to get S9 back home living with us, his subilings and me his other mom. W didn't show up to court but lawyer did after 3 months not seeing son I'll be seeing him again until we go to trial. Throughout this process W concern was her lawyer to ask me can she claim kids in taxes because I haven't work. My lawyer was shock but I wasn't because that's all my W cares $$$ is sick how money is all she cares. Now wait for trail date to get s9 back home with his 2 sibilings and where son belongs home with us.
My question is how do I help my s9 besides therapy which I have d9 and s8 in and myself how can I help him. W has had him alone for 3 months which I wont be shock she has brainwash him. I have faith in God that we all had to go through this for a reason.
W37,M39 Together 10yrs S9,D9,S8 adopted BD April 2017 W movedout May 2017 OW May 2017 maybe longer
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
I'm no accountant, but I think even if you have no income there are tax benefits to having a dependent for earned income tax credits or whatever those things are. If you can't afford an accountant, dig around online and see what you can find. Nevertheless, being a parent is not about tax write-offs and your W's thinking is troubling.
Your situation makes me think a bit of King Solomon picking the true mother from two who claimed the child.
1 Kings 3:16–28 recounts that two mothers living in the same house, each the mother of an infant son, came to Solomon. One of the babies had died, and each claimed the remaining boy as her own. Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, "Give the baby to her, just don't kill him!"
The king declared the second woman the true mother, as a mother would even give up her baby if that was necessary to save its life.
It is absolute insanity to take 1 child out of 3 raised together as siblings. How do any of the children process that. I hope you are successful in your efforts.
Why in the world did you let her take S9?? She sounds unhinged as it is, the kids were all living with you, she had no right to just show up and take one. If she tries anything like that then tell her you are calling the police. Now that she has S9 it is unlikely you can get full custody back because the court will interpret that action as having taken place with your expressed consent, but hopefully you'll get partial custody. Good luck and hang in there! Do NOT let her railroad you!
Aotherstander, I literally had back surgery when she came kids open door thinking she was just stopping by I then told her you must bring him back, she of course didn't I tried getting help but all I got was free council., I didn't have 2,500 to hire lawyer. But s9 was already registered in school with his subilings and his belongings are with me the only thing I didn't have funds for lawyer I did report but I was told this is court family matter because we didn't have anything prior in writing. So I know I have done everything to get him back I honestly didn't have the funds I am not sure what judge will agree s9 stays with her, in petition she says she never wanted last 2 kids. All I ever done is protect them three from W. The system has failed me and my kids I even tried to file protective order but they said no due to no physical abuse, even when W was being verbally abusive. I will keep fighting for my son to come back home I only want our kids to be safe and not separated.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Ownit, Thank you, yes I remember telling W please don't seperate them take all three I'll live with friends and pay for childcare all I ask her in tears was don't seperate them I was going to sacrifice myself for them to be together, W just doesn't care all she cares for is $$$. Throughout this all she could ask her lawyer was she going be able to claim them on 2017 taxes mind you we went to court for s9 be return and all W cared was taxes. Smh
Through this horrible process all I can say the state system has failed childrens there's day I feel like am drowning and I only keep swimming because I know my three beautiful kids need me more than ever. I just don't know how a W/H could just destroy children's lives my kids had a great home and future now everyday is a struggle. All we can do is take it a day at a time. How can we the LBS heal when our children's need us more than ever.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Been feeling so hurt and emotional. W has been going social media crazy telling the world how broken she is how I cause her all this turmoil her exact words that she finally realizing and waking up from all the lies and turmoil I cause,I just wonder how can she picture me like a monster. Like every relationship we had our ups and down but I never raised my hand or call her name but if you read W post you will think she was in abusive relationship. Smh I am angry and hurt because through this process I haven't said anything or spoken to anyone about this. I habe been quiet and just taking care of my kid's while W is just living life finding herself. I been having trouble sleeping all I do is wonder what happen.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
There use to a man here by the name of Jim. He and his W had adopted five little boys. Then she left him and decided she just wanted the youngest two children. Here's the link, if you'd like to read his story:
Sandi2 Omg I been reading his stitch I feel like I am reading my life story before my eyes the way his W is with him, literally W is the same way as long I agreed with everything W was happy if I didn't hell will break. I can relate to Jim story same story we adopted our last 2 over a year ago but had S8 and D8 for 6yrs W says she been unhappy for over 3yrs I ask the same question why adopt other two I could have adopted on my own why see the kids hurt. Smh I wish I knew Jim I would drive to Michigan I am in Illinois I admire his strength. I been ask from friends where do I get my strength and the only way I can truly could answer is God has never failed me and I know he ain't going to fail me now when I need him more than ever.
Journaling, My emotions are back since court first is how am I going act seeing S9 and seeing W after almost 2months. S9 and d8 are up to date as much they need to know in there age they know this is my battle not there's there job is to just be kids but they know S9 will come next weekend they where upset that he will not be living with us for good I explain as much they should know that our lawyers are making sure he will come home permanently, but I had to also explain the following week they go with W, D9 storm off crying saying Please No and S8 cried to I had to be strong and explain that they do get to call me in the morning and before bed. They voiced why W doesn't want them she yells it to them. I explained that lawyers know this and they are trying to make sure everyone is happy. I told them lets give W one more try. Let her proof to you that mommy loves you. D9 says she doesn't she told you she told us and only yells at us. I explained we need to trust God and held them. My bf seen me holding my tears back. My bf signal to go to bathroom. I did and cried for over 30min just screaming in a towel. I feel like am failing my last two kids they do have a point she made it clear she doesn't want them. But we all know until we do a Litem for children only the court could rule in future if kids are better off without W. For now I keep taking them to therapy every week, I go twice a week and keep showing them I LOVE them so much they are literally my strength and my air. My 3 kids have made me a better person, I have never thought once life without them. I am realizing alot of things lately and one of them is I force W to be a mom, W only wanted to party,drink and travel which is not surprising W loved the military life. I regret pushing to have kids because I knew I always wanted to be a mom and still want to adopt more once everything settles with my stitch. I know I could have a full house of kids and it doesn't bother me. I remember the same thing Jim wrote everything in my home had to be quiet my kids where not allowed to be kids or get dirty where I always say let them be kids who cares if they get mud all over. I still remember W stare of death and W always saying am worse then them. Lol now I laugh. I wish W could see that these kids are a blessing from God. We will keep praying for W, one day God will lead her back to the kids.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
She may not love them, and telling the other two children that Mommy loves them.....could cause even more physiological problems about what love looks like. Maybe you should just stress how much you love them, but don't try to convince them that she does. Abuse is not love, and it sounds as if she's making them miserable when they are with her.
You are in a terrible situation, and it is outrageous for an adult to adopt children and then want to abandon them or send them back. Yes, Jim developed before our very eyes. Many of us were emotionally invested in his sitch. It took him a while to accept how cruel and selfish his W had become, but his strength came from God and his love for his five boys. He has his hands full, but the last we heard, he is happy and devoted to giving his best to his children.
If she doesn't want the other two children, and if they don't want to see her.....does the law enforce the visitation anyway?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi2, Thank you, your absolutely right I guess somewhere in my heart I don't get how you can't love kids. Like my therapist said you may never get the answer and she is right. Somewhere in my head I always been a fixer just like Jim I wanted and wish I could fix W. I tell my therapist is like a light switch went off W was once a good mom she had her moments now I can see she was fighting with herself she wanted to be a mom but also the enforcer. I guess I'll keep holding on to those good moment's I remember her as.
Yeah now am realizing I push for kids and if I ever speak to her I'll make sure she knows am sorry I push so hard. Only W knows if she loves them but like my therapist said how can she love them if she doesn't love herself which therapist is correct. And W did say she didn't LOVE herself. Only W knows the answer to all the questions I have. But I may never get the answer so am learning that.
Sandi2, Illinois law is 50/50 when parents seperate now she is not going tell her lawyer she doesn't want them because then she will have to pay child support and as of now W is about $$$ that's all I hear. Now we going to court my lawyer wants to get kids a litem which is a lawyer for them W said No mu lawyer said yes and it was pro bono my lawyer was confuse why refuse I know why she knows is going look bad when kids all three start speaking and she might lose all kids due to her mental state. So for now kids must go with her and if she mistreat them or anything I call L right away. Illinois law recording is not allowed unless she knows. Again my hands are tied at the moment until Judge decides. I have to say this is the hardest battle I had to deal with and God knows life has been hard for me growing up.
Just like Jim I am not close to my family nothing but drama with them. I have always been more of the outsider in my family. I have a spiritual soul my thoughts are everything in this world can be fix, life is to short to be angry. Am very forgiving hate holding grudges. I am just a very lay back person. Even through everything W put me through I know she is Human we all do mistakes and am not God to judge her so for now all I can do for W the mother of my kids is pray for her and hoping she'll find herself back to God first then her way back to our kids life.
Am not sure if W and I could ever get back there's to much hurt and pain. But I have forgiving her and I will forever hold LOVE for her W was my LOVE of my LIFE my soulmate. Only God knows my LOVE for her.
W37,Me39 S9,D9 and S8 BD April 2017 Ow May2017 W moved out May2017 I think OW and W live together not confirm.
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
