And still struggling

[Jim1234]

the few that I know seem to think their lives are better.

Nicole, given a little time, you'll feel like this as well, I bet.

[Jim1234]

I think this demonstrates, helps us believe, that we weren't the problem, at least not the only one. I imagine that it would be really difficult if they left and then lived a fabulous life. So yeah, maybe it's petty, but it does feel good.

I am a firm believer that when they have true remorse, and want to try and make it work, there will be no question. You will know.

Before then, you may just be seeing their reaction to a little sadness, or regret, but not enough that they are committed. We all have good and bad days, even the WAS or WS, you don't want to allow their daily emotions have an impact on you.

She has mentioned a few times that she is "struggling" or "having a hard time" financially, and I admit, it doesn't upset me in the least!

I try to keep in mind that these "daily emotions" don't mean much, absent major admissions, and actions.

[Jim1234]

To put it simply, it's making the most of a cr@ppy situation.

Exactly what I'm trying to do. When life hands me lemons, I'm not going to waste it on lemonade. I'm going to get some tequila and invite some friends for a party!

[Jim1234]

I told her that I had really put some thought into it, and there was no way I could pay my portion of college AND continue to pay S17s portion of child support.

Of course, she exploded. I don't need to get into the details, but she said things like, "You should work more," and "Well, how am I supposed to pay for my share of college if your child support ends?"

insanity... i guess i am just far too logical to think this way... i as a former WW, i never expected more than what was fair from H... in fact, i didn't even take all that he offered because i felt so guilty about blowing up our marriage...

she thinks you should work more--even though she is the one having trouble coming up with the college money... she should work more if she needs more money... she may as well ask you to foot the entire college bill... i don't get it... i don't get how she thinks you should give her money so she could more easily pay her part of the tuition, but put yourself in a bind where you can't more easily pay for your part of the tuition... and you didn't ask for this!!! she did!

aye, aye, aye... mis dos centavos...

--artista

LOL she's asked me to pay the entire college bill!

But I know what you mean. It's incomprehensible.

[Jim1234]

I'm curious what other people are doing about an issue that's come up....

W wants some of the money we have in mutual funds prior to equitable distribution settlement. My lawyer is recommending we don't settle piecemeal, but settle the whole issue at once. I would prefer not to push her forward in the divorce, but at the same time, I'm not sure it matters.

Specifically, she wants the equity out of the marital house. I refinanced for the amount of the loan, telling her there was other money we could use to compensate her for her half of the equity. This is the money in mutual funds.

I'm sure some of you have had to divide some assets before finalizing. How did you do it?

I'm thinking since I suggested this in lieu of refinancing for the balance plus half the equity, I should do the right thing, and get her the money from our mutual funds. What are your thoughts?

[joejoe1]

I would wait until its distributed thru mediation or from the courts. Whats stopping her from saying you didnt give her nothing after you give her this. Or she say, you were just helping her out. I think you could create a situation that can become a huge headache. Just be patient and wait for the process to work out this situation for you.

[NicoleR]

Jim, I'm sorry I don't know what's best. I'll probably get into these issues in the near future but I'm not there yet. I know there are 'temporary support orders' and other ways of one spouse trying to get money from the other before the divorce is settled but I'm not sure how giving your wife money from a mutual fund now would affect the rest of the divorce. Does she have an urgent need for the money to pay her bills? Can you agree on, document, and sign something that says you gave her this money early so the settlement will be adjusted accordingly? It sounds like it depends on why she needs the money before the divorce is final, and whether she can convince you.

[Verum]

I'm sure some of you have had to divide some assets before finalizing. How did you

I'm thinking since I suggested this in lieu of refinancing for the balance plus half the equity, I should do the right thing, and get her the money from our mutual funds. What are your thoughts?

In my state the important date is separation, which we both agree on. Since then we have divided the checking account. I’m reluctant to divide anything else because there’s a lot of trade offs. I think every situation is different and you probably can’t provide enough details to get advice here.

One thing is there’s a record of what you do so the risk may be small.

[Jim1234]

It would be very well documented as an early distribution of our marital assets. She has already effectively allowed me to take ALL the equity, including her half, out of the house.

I guess I just feel like since I asked her to not take any equity out of the house, in exchange for cash, I feel... dishonorable.... if I back out.

[Jim1234]

Emancipation in my state, like I suspect most, is upon both turning 18 AND graduation from high school.

S17 turns 18 in two weeks, and graduates this June. As part of their procedures, family court sent a questionaire a few months ago to both of us, noting that he was about to turn 18, and asking if he had graduated. W sent it back, erroneously reporting that he graduated in Jun '17. Family court sent me a notification that child support for S17 would therefore stop this month.

I'm in a bit of an ethical dilemma. I know she made an error, and it's not my responsibility to fix that error. But should I tell her of her error anyway? I don't know how big a deal it will be to have her fix it before the court order changes, versus after the change has taken effect. I mean, "how big a deal it will be, for me". For her, I don't care. That's her problem, she should have been more careful when she filled out the paperwork....

Thoughts?