Living in the Present, only Looking Forward

[Holding]

C'Nut, that's some great insight there from TL2. Thanks for sharing.

With Witty, it's not your job to let her down easy without any bruises. I'm not saying be a jerk. Just tell her it's best to not continue. Trust your gut. This was a one-time meet up; you're not breaking her heart. If you want a buddy in town, try to make a new guy friend.

[Coconut]

Ok, I've decided to cut it off with witty. Primarily because I want to "fix" her issues, and I need to focus on my own..

Holding, I know you say that I won't break her heart, but I know that I did, it's brought me to tears knowing that, but I need to shelter down and regroup. I get that it's takes practice to get things right, but I need to figure out how to practice without leaving a trail of destruction in my wake.

Ginger, I agree that meeting people naturally, through socializing is more my style. So for now, for awhile, I'm going to focus on GAL social activities.

[DonH]

Not sure that I know who TL2 is or have read his threads here but I very much agree with what he wrote. Problem is the majority of women I meet either don't or more likely, can't bring themselves to follow those rules. So many want the fairytale or won't date anyone who is not looking for LT calling them serial daters. On the other hand those who may follow these rules have gone overboard and won't date AT ALL. I can think of 4 women in the past several years that politely declined to go out with me but have not dated anyone else either. I'd love to find someone like TL2 has! I'd like to see a unicorn too. .

I'll add your second OLD closure to my list. I finally posted on my thread today. Unfortunately it's still not my thoughts on OLD that I've been promising.

[Holding]

Holding, I know you say that I won't break her heart, but I know that I did, it's brought me to tears knowing that, but I need to shelter down and regroup. I get that it's takes practice to get things right, but I need to figure out how to practice without leaving a trail of destruction in my wake.

How could you have broken her heart? Maybe you let her down, but this was your first meeting. She's a ball of trouble if she really did get so wrapped up in you before actually meeting, and after y'all both agreed - on the surface - to just be friends.

Don't take that the wrong way. I'm not saying you're not awesome, or worthy of deep feelings from someone.

Was this R with Witty more developed that you let on? I'm just struggling to see how meeting her once and not feeling it can lead to a "trail of destruction".

[Coconut]

[quote=Holding]How could you have broken her heart? Maybe you let her down, but this was your first meeting. She's a ball of trouble if she really did get so wrapped up in you before actually meeting, and after y'all both agreed - on the surface - to just be friends.

Was this R with Witty more developed that you let on? /quote]

Ok, broke her heart may have been an exageration, the relationship wasn't more developed than I let on (but we did text/talk a lot) and she is a ball of trouble.

I think she saw me as her knight in shining armor, she saw an opportunity to get her and her kids involved with fishing, camping and hiking with my help, she was very attracted to me, and she is very lonely.

I'm not comfortable with doing something that I know is going to hurt someone else, so I overreacted in my post. But I agree that talking with someone for two weeks shouldn't be cause for much pain if they exit your life, so I can't take responsibility if it did.

Anyway, moving on.. The game group is getting together again Saturday night at the other house they play at, apparently this get together usually draws about twice as many people so should be a good time.

I also found a singles group on meetup that is getting together at a restaurant/bar Saturday afternoon, they are meeting to plan outings for the next few months, so I signed up to go to that. I'm hoping to get a few activities in the itinerary, like escape rooms, zip-lining, etc, so every meet isn't at a restaurant or bar.

[Coconut]

So about a month ago I applied for a job in east TN, it will bring me back to the salary I was making when I transferred to NC, I had to take a pay cut (only a couple of thousand) to transfer here, but I'm maxed out in pay for my current position, which will effect future earnings. the position I applied for is at the base of the smokies, very close to the NC border.

At the same time I've been struggling with what to do when my lease expires at the end of April, and while I'm in the part of the country I've wanted to be in for the last 20 years, I'm not in the city I want to be in. My goal is to get closer to the mountains, I'm currently about 3 hrs away, and I want to be in the mountains or at least the foothills.

So today I decided that I was going to buy a house, home ownership is incredibly cheap here in NC, and my total cost of owning a 3bd 2 bath, 10yr old house would be $300 less than I'm currently renting my 2bd, 2 1/2 bath townhouse for. So I contacted some mortgage brokers today to get some quotes.

I got the quotes back, set up an apt. so I could get prequalified, and set up apts to see a few houses I'm interested in this weekend. The rental market is very strong here, so I plan on living in the house until I find work elsewhere and then I'll rent out the house. I'm happy with my decision, will have a nice house and can afford to carry the mortgage even if it's not rented when I move, life is good.

Then right before I leave work get an email letting me know that my application for the position I applied for has been forwarded for consideration, and I'll be getting contacted for an interview.

Based on usual timelines in my field, the interview and selection process takes about 2 months, which means that I could essentially be closing on a house about the same time I'm moving out of state. Grrr, when it rains it pours. All good stuff, but if I know I'm moving right away, I'd rather buy property in my new location, but I don't have the luxury of waiting to find out about the position because of the lease ending.

Life is fun

[Georgiabelle]

Coconut,

I’m so late to your thread but coconut is my fave! It’s my favorite scent and favorite yogurt so I just had to read your thread. I don’t have much to offer in regards to OLD (only did it for a few weeks and I had a strategy at that time) but do think dating is challenging at this juncture of life. Yeah, I’m sure it’s difficult for 22 year olds but realistically, we all have baggage(emotional, mental and or physical) at this point. I suppose it’s all in how we handle it. My humor is very self deprecating so I refer to myself as a declining commodity with a full set of luggage :-) It sounds like you have lots of interests which will help you meet people IRL and dogs are conversation started. Not sure what kind you have, but it’s always a nice way to meet peeps.

Congratulations on seeking out a new position and deciding where you want to live. Yes, it may be chaotic for a bit, however I think change propels us in the right direction, whether we realize it or not.

[Coconut]

Coconut,

I’m so late to your thread but coconut is my fave!

You lost me at fave, lol...

Ps- coconut ice cream or yogurt is the best.. I used to have coconut trees in my back yard, when we would have parties, I used to go collect them all, chop the top with my hatchet, poor some rum in and throw them in the freezer.. Good times, but a past life.

DonH, I read your post, and I got to admit that I was discouraged about you giving up on finding love, but then you bust out with FWB.. Now I'm just jealous, that would be a perfect scenario for me for the right now..

[Coconut]

Had a great weekend, went out Friday to look at a couple of houses, unfortunately didn't see anything that I really liked, but was good to get an idea of different types of houses available within 50k of the amount I want to spend. T

Then Saturday I had signed up for two meet ups, the first was a 2pm meet up for a singles group in my area, we met up at a local sports bar with the intention of getting to know each other and planning some future outings. There were about 15 of us, only 3 males and I definitely got the most attention. I didn't go into this with any expectation of meeting someone, I went with the intention of meeting people that could socialize with, but of course it didn't bother me getting so much attention, especially two ladies that I was very attracted to. We came up with some great outings were going to do (planning on one ge together a week) like visit a vineyard, comedy club, open mic night, local hockey game, fun stuff. We are also going to go to a valentine social that they were advertising at the sports bar.

Left that meet up around 4:30, ran home to take my dog on a short hike (I always feel guilty leaving her home alone) and then went to another game night meetup at 6.

Had a good time at the game night, this was a much bigger get together than last week and even though groups kinda switched around after each game I never ended up in a game with the people I had met last week (including one Lady that I enjoyed talking to last week and was hoping to interact with again)..

I definitely enjoyed playing with the same people all night last week because it felt more sociable to me, but I did have fun playing the games with everyone. I've never been a gamer, at least the kinds of games we play at these nights, so I'm not used to what appears to be the normal social interaction that most of these "gamers" seem to have in common. In otherwords conversations were almost superficial, revolving primarily around the game or gameplay. The conversations the previous week were not as superficial, and I guess it's just a by-product of being around "gamers" that are used to just picking up games with random people all night. Don't get me wrong, I really had a lot of fun, I'm just used to getting to know people im hanging out with a little more than they are, but I do enjoy it for what it is. I ended up not leaving game night until about 1:30am, it was a long day of socializing..

Then today I expanded my search area for houses a little and saw a house that looked good, my realtor told me she wouldn't be available today, so I went over to the house just to check out the outside of the house and see what the neighborhood was like. I was amazed at what I saw, the house is in a neighborhood with absolutely beautiful country homes, wrap around porches, every house on large lots, well manicured homes, the place was beautiful.

The house I went to look at was definitely one of the smallest houses in the neighborhood (I don't want a large house since I may have to rent it if I move), but it was very well maintained, and I took two trips around the house and didn't find a single issue. I am experienced with construction and home maintenance, and I couldn't find anything that looked like an issue. When I got home, looked up the neighborhood in Zillow, turns out it is the cheapest house in the best neighborhood, which I always consider to be a good investment. So going to look at it tomorrow with my realtor and will be putting in an offer unless there are any glaring issues in the interior.

Sorry this turned so long, I just feel happy and wanted to share.

[Coconut]

Oh, one more thing. On Friday I decided to see if I could find people who live local to go kayaking, fishing, camping and off-roading with (everyone I currently go with live 1 or 2 hrs away), so I created a meetup group and set the first outing to go kayaking next weekend.

So far 15 people have joined the group, 12 are female which really surprised me, but no one has signed up for kayaking next week, so we will see how that goes.