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Subitai Offline OP
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Okay, this is weird. I miss her more at the house with the kids than I did at the apartment. I guess her being 'gone' hits harder here at the marital home. Right in the gut. frown


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 75
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Ugh I feel for you. The loneliness and the quiet is very difficult to navigate. What are you doing to keep yourself busy?

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Subitai Offline OP
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At the marital home? Kids, and house maintenance.

At the apartment? The gym. A lot. I went 6 times in 1 week. And bicycling.

Currently I'm at my desk crying a little as we just got an email from my son's 1st grade teacher. He has been angry all week and today made a little girl cry by calling her names, then lied to the teacher about it. The teacher is aware of the D, so she seems to think being angry isn't unusual, but now I get to try and talk to him about this. He wasn't like this last week when he was home with his mom.


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 937
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Subitai, that's so sad to hear your son has been affected. It makes me so angry at our spouses for doing this to us and our kids. I believe your son misses his mom and is probably also so confused. I hope you can spend quality time with him tonight and help him to feel more secure.

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I think tonight will have to be game night.


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 191
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Subitai Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: NicoleR
Subitai, that's so sad to hear your son has been affected. It makes me so angry at our spouses for doing this to us and our kids. I believe your son misses his mom and is probably also so confused. I hope you can spend quality time with him tonight and help him to feel more secure.


And to be fair, I'm not sure this is her fault. My single parenting needs a fair amount of work, as well. This was is first go when it wasn't a business trip related thing, and the difference for me is staggering.


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 191
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Subitai Offline OP
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Hey guys, just checking in. Things are not progressing. No move to file, still separated. Wife still seems unhappy and gets angry at me easily if I don't answer questions directly. (I have a tendency to try and read meaning behind questions and give qualified answers). Kids still sad. I'm still in love with my wife. She hasn't told me ILY in weeks now, (Since the "I don't feel that way about you anymore" M conversation at the MC 2.5 weeks ago) and she used to say it every couple of days.

It feels like the foundations are crumbling.

However, we've got a new communication tool we're using to document kid related stuff. I took care of the S when he was sick one day for her, and she's been thanking me for all the things that I have done to make things easier. I feel like I should be paying attention to anything she does for me and thank her for them, and I have been.

She doesn't like to look at me, or talk to me when we're face to face right now. All playful flirtiness I discussed previously has dried up for now. More anger and sadness instead.

I am focusing on my IC, which is still going well, even if it's in baby-step beginning stuff. Kid stuff is better, but not perfect.

Valentine's day is on my week, thinking about asking her if she wants to do anything with the kids. She has invited me to several things with the kids, but has turned down reciprocal invitations last week.

I do not have anything for her for V-Day. Thinking of getting a card and only giving it to her if she gives me one.

Things are rough for her right now outside of our R, which may be impacting her and why she has been colder and more standoffish.

I'm still hitting the gym, hanging out with friends, reading more, etc. I'm actually pretty comfy in the studio we found. W hates it, though. She actually crashed at a friend's house (married couple) for several days on her week there.

I've noticed I'm having a hard time staying asleep. I go to sleep, and 3-4 hours later, I wake up with the M on my mind. I then tend to wake up every hour for the rest of the night, with vivid dreams that veer back into the M.

Anyway, that's my update.


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 191
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Subitai Offline OP
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We had a really good weekend. Civil, W very appreciative of me taking the kids on Sat when she was supposed to have them because she had a work event. She made me laugh so hard I accidentally said "ILY" to her because all this stuff between us kinda fell away in my head, and she said "ILY, even though you're a dork. Or maybe because of it." to me. She has expressed interest on coming over for dinner with the kids on Wednesday, but hasn't confirmed yet.

Sorry I haven't been more chatty on here. I'm burying myself in work as it is busy, and I needed a break from living the horrors of everyone's divorces as well as my own so I can focus on some of the stuff my IC has me working on. Reading the D stories and reading back through mine works me up and unbalances me right now, for sure. I will be back and commenting more when I have head space to spare.


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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So you are doing great.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Subitai, I'm so happy to hear your latest update! Maybe, slowly, this can happen more.

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