We had dinner at her parents' place, and the ride up was nice. The kids were being horrible, but I feel like I did an okay job of keeping things even keeled. Thank god for IC, amiright? I used calming techniques, etc.
W's dad asked a lot of questions after dinner, and I explained a lot of the situation to him, in general terms, nothing specific, and offered support to my W's position for him. He's been very unsupportive of W right now, and I urged him to listen to her, and not talk about his opinions/etc, but just to listen. I don't think he got it since he said that's all he would ever do. I told them I was in IC about things, told them that they don't know what W has had to go through, and said they should offer better support to her. I absolutely tried to make sure he wasn't 'on my side' in this. But I don't know how well that went.
W didn't say anything about the discussion on the way home. Instead we talked about a show she had seen recently, and at one point, she said rather vehemently that she wishes I had seen it, too.
Had an incident where I got defensive, apologized about it today, explained why I was feeling defensive, but then apologized again.
This is hard. Fighting is gone. We still talk. We still laugh. I miss her. We start separation in less than a week, and it's going to gut me, and the kids are going to need a lot of attention, and I won't be there for them, which is going to suck so hard.
Our R is better than it's been in years, except that W has no interest in it.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
Subitai, if your relationship is better than it's been in years I think that means something. I'd view that as a sign that there's still a strong connection between you and your wife. She could still change her mind at any time if the two of you are getting along. Have you heard of the Mort Fertel Marriage Fitness program? Maybe you can try that to see if it helps.
Subitai, if your relationship is better than it's been in years I think that means something. I'd view that as a sign that there's still a strong connection between you and your wife. She could still change her mind at any time if the two of you are getting along. Have you heard of the Mort Fertel Marriage Fitness program? Maybe you can try that to see if it helps.
Well, while we are getting along better, and communicating better, W is still showing no interest in making M work. So R is better, but M is still off the table, so trying a program right now seems counter productive. We'll begin official separation this weekend, starting Sunday.
Last night I had an incredibly vivid dream of my wife scooting over and cuddling with me, and then tenderly kissing me and saying "Let's make this work." It shocked me awake, it felt so real. I couldn't get back to sleep for awhile after that. It made this morning sadder.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
W came home and asked me how my day was, thanked me for making dinner, and worked with the kids, who were being awful. She was wondering if we should tell the kids and wait a week longer to start the separation instead of starting it this weekend. She phrased it by saying she couldn’t remember if the MC said we shiuld give then a week to adjust. I said MC said to give them a day or two, not a whole week.
She is in the bedroom doing worrk.
So not looking forward to the talk on Saturday. But it needs to be done.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
A little bit of talking tonight. W finally said we need to be careful with kids as kids of divorce have a harder time, which is a wild change from her ‘kids are resiliant and adaptable’ stance. I did too much talking, though. Needed to listen more, but ine of my 180s is being more open with her when she is willing to listen. So, mixed bag.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
So not looking forward to the talk on Saturday. But it needs to be done.
Telling the kids is tough. This is a moment where you need to be the strong head of the household and do the talking. Remember its not the end yet, and you have time.
Today, kids were being rough in the morning, wife was trying to jolly them along as much as possible, got behind schedule, and headed out without saying goodbye.
She texted me asking me to call her after I dropped the kids off at school.
We talked about what to do for dinner/etc, about our elderly ailing dog, and about practicing our 'speech' for the kids tonight. But... it was the first time she's asked me to call in awhile. Admittedly, it is all business, but that was nice.
She also talked about having a once a week 'break' instead of going a full week between seeing the kids.
Just a status. Nothing significant about any of this, really. The grind continues to grind.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
I told them I was in IC about things, told them that they don't know what W has had to go through, and said they should offer better support to her. I absolutely tried to make sure he wasn't 'on my side' in this. But I don't know how well that went. 
Well, the lighthouse that is GALing and detaching. 