Thanks Vanilla. It's just... it's not something I need to deal with just yet. I have so much more on my plate right now, and digging into it would just add to the pile of junk I have to eat my way through. I'm trying to process it so it doesn't come up with the WaW, but not really worry about it long term. And it's not something she doesn't know about, but it's something I don't want in the conversation right now. It would not be productive.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
Spent the day moving some stuff into the apartment. W comes back tonight, IC later today, and MC and the BD to our kids are all this week. My last week in a ‘whole’ family. I feel weird about it.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
S: I remember our last evening as a whole family. I was going for a work related trip for three days before she moved out. I made food and thought we would eat as a family, W thought differently. We talked about the move. I asked if she would move on the exact day or the next day when I had returned home. "I want to get the BEEB out of this BEEBING house as soon as possible. So yes on the exact day." When we went to bed(I hadn't kicked her out from MBR b/c I didn't know better) I touched her back and tried to say something to her. "Don't you BEEBING touch me!" That was the last thing she said to me before moving out.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
I feel for you, our initial split as a family was initiated suddenly in the form of a TRO, however once that got thrown out a few days later the W moved into an apartment, I watched as she left the family home with the kids for the first time... watching her tail lights fade drove away was one of the hardest moments I've endured in life.
Little did I know in that moment that the following months would be the most formative in my adult life (to date). From the time of BD to reconcile, the separation was the best option given the state of our R. Like Cadet says at the end of his welcoming post, "Your W is giving you a GIFT. The gift of time. Use it wisely."
Hang in there
The sun still rises, even though the pain.
Married: 10 Together: 17 M:40 W:37 D:13, S 7, S:5 1st Bomb dropped: 4/20/17 2nd Bomb dropped: 6/6/17 Separated: 7/26/17 W moved back home: 12/1/17
Thanks Clyde. Hopefully the S helps us like it helped you guys. How did your kids do theough it all? I am most worried about the impact on my little ones.
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
My S7 & S5 did okay, they expressed their discontent with the sitch and asked often when Mom was going to come home... with time they adjusted as best they could given the sitch.
My D13 took it hard but a lot of that had to do with her knowing of things no child should have to try to comprehend. D13 had been secretly reading her moms text and emails prior to and after BD, she also got her hands on her moms copies of the court docs... D13 got very defensive of me and started to despise her mom. This made it very difficult to shield my D13 from the dynamics of the sitch. That is key though, to shield them from the madness, do whatever you can to reassure them that both Mom and Dad love them.
Prior to what I feel was my W's MLC and BD, my W was a true June Cleaver... our kids had hot breakfast most mornings, notes in their lunch boxes, story time every night, and so forth. While I could not fill the physical void of their Mom not being there, I was determined for the rest of their home life to stay the same. Yeah there was the nights were I did simple chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese, but the majority of the time I cooked meals like my W did... I did all the little (and big) things she did, I told myself that I could not skip a beat when it came to the kids home life. I really think all this helped the kids and for me it was a form of GAL.
The sun still rises, even though the pain.
Married: 10 Together: 17 M:40 W:37 D:13, S 7, S:5 1st Bomb dropped: 4/20/17 2nd Bomb dropped: 6/6/17 Separated: 7/26/17 W moved back home: 12/1/17
While I could not fill the physical void of their Mom not being there, I was determined for the rest of their home life to stay the same. Yeah there was the nights were I did simple chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese, but the majority of the time I cooked meals like my W did... I did all the little (and big) things she did, I told myself that I could not skip a beat when it came to the kids home life. I really think all this helped the kids and for me it was a form of GAL.
I admire you so much for this Clyde. You sound like an awesome Dad!
I'm trying to process it so it doesn't come up with the WaW, but not really worry about it long term. And it's not something she doesn't know about, but it's something I don't want in the conversation right now. It would not be productive.
Hopefully the S helps us like it helped you guys. How did your kids do theough it all? I am most worried about the impact on my little ones.