New Year, new thinking..

[job]

Coly,

Whatever you decide to do over the weekend, I know you will handle it with grace and dignity. You've got this! You are stronger than you think.

I do understand how his being nice grates on your nerves and patience. I use to think that my xh being nice was his way of getting me to open up about what I am doing and w/whom. I also think that deep down, they think that if they are nice to us, we'll continue to do things for them. Keep in mind, being friends w/a MLCer is a whole different type of friendship. True friends don't treat their friends the way that the MLC friendship is carried out. Their empathy chips are broken and they don't realize how we actually feel about what they've done.

I am sorry that your daughter's father didn't share the news of being remarried w/his daughter, but I do hope that they can mend the fences and stay in contact w/each other.

Coly, you are a beautiful person who is kind, compassionate and caring. Please do not allow your h to create doubt in your mind whereby you second guess yourself. He's a broken man and you didn't break him.

[DnJ]

Coly,

Congratulations on the redecorating. 48 shades to go - good one

I understand your feelings towards this weekend. Decide what is best for you. You’ll do great. And I agree with job (always a good choice) - You got this!

[AndrewP]

Hi Coly - I just thought that I would pop around and see how you are doing and how the sorting out of the loft went. I hope you were able to get through it without too much pain but I do know from personal experience how tough that would have been.

I hope you and your D had a good Valentines together like my son and I did. I don't know about your part of the world, but I can almost smell spring coming around the corner.

[Coly23]

Hey AP, thanks for stopping by.

The sorting out of the loft went okay. It was a bit awkward at first when he arrived but we both started to relax a bit as the day went on. We went through a lot of stuff, both reminiscing about purchases that we made together and we had a few laughs especially when we found a bag of wool and knitting needles which was a reminder of my disastrous attempt at knitting!

When H was leaving I think he might have momentarily forgot about the sitch as he gave me a kiss on the lips and a hug! Although it was still a little awkward!

He said he would come back to take some rubbish down to the recycling centre but after a week of not hearing anything from him, D and I decided to take it down ourselves. So far not another peep from him. Back in the tunnel he goes!!

For Valentnes, D bought me a lovely card and I bought her some heart shaped chocolate lollipops. I am doing dry February so no alcohol for me and I have given up chocolate, cake, sweets and puddings for Lent! I'm a real sucker for punishment!!

Hope all is well with you and my other fellow DBers! Happy Monday all!!

[AndrewP]

Hi Stranger! I hope you and your D are doing well. Are you getting the garden ready yet? I have my seeds starting on a warm window-sill. Still below freezing here.

[Coly23]

Hey AP, thanks for checking in on me. We are doing okay thanks. We've had a bit of snow down here which is unusual for my part of the world so everything comes to a standstill!

Journaling: so lately I feel I have gone backwards in my journey and I'm feeling a bit disappointed in myself. I don't know what has triggered this whether it's because I am tired of this sitch as its coming up to the two year mark and it's making me feel emotional. I just feel so sad all the time and I am fed up of feeling sad. When I am out with friends or at work I manage to fake it bit inside I just feel sad.

I've had very little interaction with H. He has texted D a few times and she has managed to ignore every text he has sent her for the past couple of months. I'm not going to interfere although it worries me if she is bordering on being rude. He texted her yesterday and asked if she was around to do something over Easter and she eventually went back to him to say she was busy. She really isn't interested in seeing him.

I seem to be living on my nerves at the moment as well. D sent me a text the other day to say a large envelope had arrived for me at home and as I wasn't expecting anything my mind went straight to divorce papers! I was so sick to my stomach going home but when I got there it turned out to be a magazine from a charity I am raising money for! I hope he would have the decency to let me know if that was coming in the post, but I don't know him anymore.

I've been training for a 10k race which I am running for a mental health charity and I am really surprised at how much I am enjoying it! I'm up to 8k now so getting there and thats an achievement consuderng my little legs!!

D is doing well. We are going to start looking at universities next week because she will have to start applying for Autumn 2019. Very exciting! It's a shame that H is missing out on all if this. I think about this all the time how we should be doing these things together. I understand from his friends that he is spending a lot of time with the young guys from the team he coaches, going out drinking with them. Apparently he took a week off work recently and spent it sitting in his flat building his model millennium falcon! I know this is his choice and obviously what makes him happy so I shouldn't really criticise. Also his friends say they have not seen his flat either so I don't feel so bad after all!!

I mentioned on AP's thread that maybe meeting someone else will help me get over H a bit quicker? I don't know if that is the right thing to do and to be honest I don't think I am ready anyway. I guess I'm just fed up of feeling this way.

Thanks for reading if you have got this far!

[Westo]

Hi Coly,

I hope you’re feeling a little better now. It’s also 2 years for me, it goes by real quick, doesn’t it.

10k run, hey get you......it may just start you off on an addiction to do more!

Hang on in there Coly, you are doing so well GAL.

(((cwtch)))

[AndrewP]

Thanks for the update Coly. Good luck with the run. It sounds like a fun day for a good cause.

I mentioned on AP's thread that maybe meeting someone else will help me get over H a bit quicker? I don't know if that is the right thing to do and to be honest I don't think I am ready anyway. I guess I'm just fed up of feeling this way.

I certainly understand being fed up. But also agree that if you don't feel ready then you're not ready. Finding someone to help you get over your H is just a band-aid over a wound that hasn't healed yet and isn't fair to the other person IMO.

I also haven't read anything to indicate that you've completely let go of your H. Quite the contrary.

For me I have the handy excuse that I haven't received the final D paperwork yet. And yes - I still have complex feelings about my ex. A mix of sadness and a wish to rescue mostly I think.

Anyway - it's early afternoon there right now - I hope you and your family have a Blessed Easter filled with love and chocolate.
(((Coly23)))

[skm0619]

Coly.......sorry you are having days where you feel set back. I know how you feel. We feel like we have made it so far and have done pretty well with GAL and "faking it till you make it"....... then something happens and we back slide. The smallest thing would set me back so easily.

I would get frustrated because I just knew that H was out there living this great life, not having a care in the world and doing whatever the heck he wanted to do. Not thinking about me at all. But, the reality was, he was living a pretty dismal life.

I know it is hard not having any interaction with H.......two years is a long time to have to go through what you are going through......I'm sorry Coly

You have managed to hold it together all this time, not only for you, but for your D ...... that is not something that many people can say. You should be so proud of yourself!!!

And training for a 10K....I cant even imagine doing that. I get tired just running up the stairs !!!!

Keep doing you.....cause you are awesome!!!!

And for what it is worth.....I don't think you are ready to start seeing anyone yet. But, that doesn't mean you cant find someone to go and have fun with.

[AndrewP]

Hey Coly. Thank you so much for stopping by. I still think about you from time to time and your kindness to me on my journey.

I hope all is doing well with you and your D. I expect you are getting your garden in shape like I am. If I recall correctly you are a fan of a nice garden even if not the hard work that it takes to have one

This will be my third season of managing the gardens here on my own and I'm looking forward to the last of the frost so that I can get the vegetables that I've started inside out and get the annuals into their beds.

One of my favourite perennials are my bleeding hearts - ironic I suppose. Their flowers are just starting to bud out.

Be kind to yourself. You are a wonderful woman and mother and many people care deeply for you.