Stormy weather and dangerous roads. My BIL' s funeral was last Wedn.
Tuesday night, after work, i drove to Timmins to pick up my son and his gf. Wedn. morning, i get everybody up. My son was very anxious and quiet. His gf did not know what was going on with him. There was heavy snow and lot of it. The roads were invisible and dangerous. As we drove to Matheson, son' s mood got worst. Very restless and agressive. I stoped at a gas station where he went to the bathroom as i gased up. Once in the car, he comes in and SLAMS the door. I gave him a look of " come down". I sat there, waiting.. looked at him and said calmly: put on your seatbelt. He yanks it lock.. yank, yank, yank.. I yelled: don' t break the car. He storms out. His gf cried: No, please stop him, don' t let him go.. I run out to stop him. He yells: don' t touch me, let me go. I insist.. ince again, he sais: don' t touch me ( as he pulls away )
I say calmly: what is wrong? What is going on Isaiah?
He sais: EVERYTHING!! I' m fed up. My life [censored].. i want to go to Quebec and i don' t want to, feeling like this. I don' t want you to not go because of me. I' ve been feeling like this for awhile now. ( he was crying hard ). I stood and listened. Once he calmed down, i said: we are going home. The road are crappy and will be even worst tonight. I am not risking it.
We get back in the car and i make the announcement to the others.: trip is cancelled. I don' t trust the roads.
As we are driving back,D17 starts crying. All we hear in the car is sniffles and cries all the way home.
We finally get back.. I called my Sister' s cell and left a message to apologize and sending all our love.( They did not receive it.)
I go upstairs to Isaiah' s room and chat with him and his gf. They ate Timmins, their appart., he' s having a hard time un one of his class, he has no friends nor is he interested if having any from the peolle he has met, he is tired of being alone, not been able to go anywhere since he has lost his car, they feel trapped. Unable to move forward. I told them: it is only temperary. You guys are doing this to have a better quality of life. It is only a couple of years who will be hard in order to go further. It is good to set goals. It is also good to realise that if you make it month aftwr month, you are ok.. you guys cannot be to hard on yourselves. You are moving forward. It just seem slow but you are..
As for the apptm. : well, they might move in with me next summer in order to afford another car. Wich will push my relocating to next year. But i am ok with this. I was not comfortable leaving them behind.
Ok.. next: D17.. i go down stairs.D14 is on my bed and D17 in her room talking on the phone while still crying. I asked D14 who D17 was talking to.. "Dad".
I hugged D14 and grabbed on to me really tight.. we stayed there hugging.. she finally pulled awaya bit, gave me a little smile and a kiss on the cheek.
I went back upstairs.
Phone calls: tons of messages from SIL worried about us. A call from one of my Sister asking where we were. I said home. We turned around in Matheson.the roads are too dangerous. Everytime we meet, we are blinded and loss thd road. She said we made the right decision.they were worried because there has been an accident and the roads were closed. They thought it was us since no ine had heard anythimg and could not reach me anywhere. I had no reception on my cell.
Around 4pm, i had to hit the road ince again to bring son and gf back to Timmins. It was no longer snowing but the roads were still filled with heavy snow. We encounter 3 more accident on our way there. I was driving 15 to 20km under the limit and so were everyone else.
Needless to say. That was a nervous wrdck of a day. Very emotionnal and stressful..
I am still refueling..
As for ex-h.. i thought i would have to deal with him to but he kept quiet. No contact with me. D17 said her and D14 might go to his place this week- end to take there mind off things.. we' ll see soon enough if D14 will go as it is her birthday week- end. She wanted to spend it with her friends.. i am staying out of it..
That is it for now..
Oh... a special thought for AndrewP.. His holidays start tomorrow. He his a bit nervous about it.. why not pop in on his thread and wish him a wondefful trip and safe travel.i' m sure he would apprdciate it very much..
Oh wow... both Daughters just left. Ex- h picked them up. First, D14.. I said: D17 is not taking her car? She answered no.
Then D17 comes up and sais: I hate it.. he is not letting me use my car. Me: He is not letting you use your car??? I smurked.. He has control.. If things do not feel right and you want to come back, call me.I' ll go pivk you up..
I can' t remember the last time i had a week- end to myself.. feels weird. A good weird. I think everyone need a break.
My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your BIL. You made the right decision to turn around because of weather and road conditions.
I am so sorry that your son is having a difficult time of things at the moment. It's good that he's able to vent and get these emotions out there and deal w/them.
I hope that the coming week will be a better one for all of you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Your children have given you a wonderful gift. Their trust. A gift you keep earning each and every day.
I wish that I did half as good.
And don't fuss about me - I'll be fine. I'm all growed up and everything - but if I do run into an problem like running out of sun-screen I'll try to send you a set of plane tickets so you can help me too
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I do not regret my decision. My son has a hard time with "high emotions". Wonder where he gets it from?? To be there for others, no problem.. To keep ours in check; different story.
Andrew, Lol.. i know you are fine. It was a friendly thought for you! It is always nice to know people think about us even if we are fine! Have a wonderful trip!! Looking forward to your pictures. (( Andrew ))
I have said to many of you: Stay true to YOUR morals and values.
I know how some of you feel about labelling our ex's.. as i research and tried to understand what on earth was going on, and analysing ex's actions and my own over the years, i see borderline personality disorder in him and post traumatic stress disorder in me.
I know through my marriage, i enabled ex-h to take advantage of me. I know i have kept my mouth shout because i put blinders on for the sake of my children.
I know, a few years prior to bomb, i started talking as i had way to much weight put on me from his demand and i slowly started to say NO. I stood my ground and he was left having to step up which created him to resent and verbally abuse me.
At bomb, he was already in la-la-land. I had nothing more to lose since he had left. So i let it ALL out. Everything i knew, everything i saw in him, everything i felt and everything i saw as my truth.
We both cycled but i also came to the realisation that by doing so, i was becoming as abusive to him as he was to me. I pulled back and started the work on me FOR MYSELF AND FOR THE KIDS. He was battling alone and it infuriated him. Making him angry to the point of being borderline physically abusive. He used intimidation, blackmail, emotions, pity, blame, guilt ...
If i remember correctly, it was Beatrice on this site who had told me: "you already know you are reacting this way only with your ex. Your problem is not as big as you see it."
I never forgort those words. He could not change me and i could not change him. I was responsable of the person i would grow to become on my way out of this mess.
I took responsability for my outcome. I stopped participating and i set him free to do his own work.
Beatrice words also made me realise that , in my ex's story, he has angry outburst and very few meaningful relationships with everyone. He is seen as a very angry and miserable man. NOTHING AND NO ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH. Here and there, and for a short period of time, WE ARE THE BEST THERE IS.
Ex-h is aware of this and he calls himself mentally ill like his father( which he has never met but have heard of from family members)
Ex-h do love all of us.including me. He has no control on his emotions and he is afraid of what he might do to me on his outburst. ( and so am i ).
Deep down in my heart, i beleive ex-h left in order to offer me and the children a better life. All his OW are him going along on his ride.
He will not get help. He accept himself and his life this way no matter how miserable he is.
I wish i could send him some reading material on the subject but i am afraid to be pulled back in and put myself in harm's way.
Bpd for him caused ptsd for me.
All of this is a huge factor in me creating new relationship. Friends, no problem... intimate relationship.. unsurmontable amount of fears..
Last edited by job; 02/17/1805:33 AM. Reason: edited a sentence for poster
About 5 years ago,ex-h insisted buying winter tires for my First Durango. He payed for them and made the appointment for me. All i had to do was show up. I did.
Since then, i purchased another Durango which i traded in last year. ( i had hit a lemon ).
2 weeks ago, i purchased new tires for my current vehicule at the same store ex-h had bought the others.
Here is the weird part. My phone number is my accnt # in their files. When they punched it in, it came out as : my first name and the first letter of ex-h's last name. ( i never carried his name). The adress: our adress from 20 years ago. And to top it off, my phone number has been changed severale times since. How did they get it? Even the guy that served me could not make sense of it .
Update: Ex-h called me last week. He asked permission to store a kitchen table and 4 chairs at my house. He is giving it to D17 for the appartement she will get this summer.(College) He makes up excuses of safety hazard and lack of room at his house. I answer yes. He then tells me he will not bring it over until the end of March. (Hummmm... remember my previous plan was to list the house for sale in March? )
D17's rolled her eyes when i told her about the table. Maybe she doesn' t want it? I do not know.
He also talked about his diabetis. He is type2. Knowing ex-h like i do, in his mind, we all have or will have diabetis. He wants to bring us material to read and he asked if D17 had room in her bedroom for exercise equipment. He wants her to do 20 min./ day. He wants to bring exercise sheets to follow.
D17 has a classmate who has diatetis. He has a pump. Every year, they learned and refreshed their knowledge on the subject. She has alot of knowledge on the subject and every so often, they would test the whole class. The diabetic student had great support from his classmate.
Back to ex-h. If he goes through with his plan, end of March, i am losing my basement.
The worst part. Because he claims those things are for the kids, i feel like i can' t say no. Plus, i do not have a truck to move this table to D17's future appartm. This probably means ex-h will be back this summer to bring it to her once she moves.
- but if I do run into an problem like running out of sun-screen I'll try to send you a set of plane tickets so you can help me too 