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bhappy2 #2775314 01/14/18 06:41 AM
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Come up with an agreement where she pays half of the bills.

LH19 #2775317 01/14/18 07:08 AM
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bhappy2 Offline OP
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Thats the problem she will not pay for anything. And now she is doing nothing to help around the house either, she is completely gone. It's ok this is her journey and I will not ride the roller coaster anymore. I have said nothing nasty I was vvery calm when I asked her to move out. I told her there is an appartmenty within walking distance she can get, she just kept saying that her lawyer told her she cannot move out. All our children are adults so there is no abandonment.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2775318 01/14/18 07:15 AM
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Why don’t you take that apartment? Let her stay and pay all the bills in the house. In reality you split the assets 50/50 so it really doesn’t matter who pays right now. My W filed last April we still live in the Home. It’s not ideal but it is doable.

LH19 #2775322 01/14/18 07:43 AM
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My W's money gets deposited in her own account and she will not contribute to the household expenses. If I leave then I cannot afford the house and an appartment. Its a tricky situation as I want to do the right thing but also done being a doormat. I meet with my lawyer tuesday and to possibly get a court order for her to start paying towards the house, at the bare minimum groceries.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2775324 01/14/18 07:50 AM
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What if you had a conversation with her and say W I think it would be best of one of us moves out. I will let you make the choice you can move out or stay in the house and take over all the bills that pertain to the house including mortgage and taxes.

LH19 #2775327 01/14/18 08:32 AM
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That is a good idea, BUT she cannot afford this house without my income. Like I said this is a very tough situation, it will be resolved soon... I hope.

Please note that she is not cooperative at all, and she still wants everything to remain a secret. Doesnt want anyone to know we are getting D'ed. She is so torn up and fogged up she cannot see straight. I am out of my fog and preparred to move on. These are the things that many WAW do not consider when they bottle up the resentment. Its unfortunate but this is part of the process.

I will say this I think she needs counceling and I thought she did before BD. Irrational behavior, illogical thinking and a mentality that she needs to put herself first. As if everybody in her life took from her and now its her time to live.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2775464 01/15/18 12:04 PM
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bhappy2 Offline OP
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I have started LRT, for the last 48 I have not said a word to my W. She has attempted to talk to me when I ask one of the kids a question she answers... I then give her a one word answer and leave the room. My kids do not know that she filed. I really am torn about telling them. I have only told one person so far, it is someone I can trust. I am waiting to tell my parents.

After I was served my W gave the following reasons not to tell anyone.
-we cant tell her mother b/c her mother is not well and it will upset her.
-cant tell her S b/c there is a big party she is hosting and it would ruin the party.
-cant tell the kids b/c it would upset D18 who is returning back to college in a few days.
- its none of anyone's business

I have been going out with friends but today I spent just lounging around the house. W spent the day with the two D's and her mom. She came home and is now curled up on the couch. Almost like she is depressed. I often wonder what she is going to tell everyone what the reason is that we are D'ing.

For any Newbie, I will tell you right now listen to these Vets on here the info is invaluable.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2775510 01/16/18 03:01 AM
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BH,

It would be easier to help you if you can give an honest answer of where you are at right now. You convinced me you were done and ready to move on but now I see you are starting the LRT.

For an example, I am no longer actively trying to reconcile with my W. I don't let her words or moods effect me in anyway. I never ask her where she's going or what she's doing. I am not doing anything to burn any bridges because I don't know what the future holds and I like the terms of the divorce. I am not interested in a friendship but I also know we have to co-parent for at least the next 12 years.

For us to get back together she has to earn another chance with me. It would require a lot of hard work on her part. She is definitely not ready for that right now.

I want to stress again you are still very early in this process.

bhappy2 #2775544 01/16/18 08:47 AM
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Originally Posted By: bhappy2

I will say this I think she needs counceling and I thought she did before BD. Irrational behavior, illogical thinking and a mentality that she needs to put herself first. As if everybody in her life took from her and now its her time to live.


I wonder if she's about to go through menopause, she is at the right age and the above (bolded part) is EXACTLY the change in view that a lot of women experience in menopause. And you know what, a lot of women do sacrifice a lot of themselves to raise kids, care for their H and extended family and maintain a household. They reach the mid-40's to mid-50's and go through a change- they feel like they've put themselves last all this time and they now want to put themselves first. You know what I think? I think they deserve it. My XW was a fantastic mother, wife, friend to others, volunteer, etc. etc. Now she wants to spoil herself and I say more power to her. I just wish she had put herself first more in the M so that she didn't develop all the feelings of resentment.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
LH19 #2775545 01/16/18 08:50 AM
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Here is my honest answer, of course I would like to keep my family together but I will not allow my W to control my emotions.

Just met with the attorney and there is no way around not selling the house, this is something my W does not want. B/c there is not a lot of money its not going to be that great for her. I can see she is under tremendous stress. The attorney is a friend and she is considered a very tough lawyer. I did ask her not to be vindictive.. she agreed. She also asked if we W and I were in MC and I said no, Lawyer was a little perplexed by this. Also L doesnt understand why W doesnt want to tell anyone, but she did say from this point on your W cannot control anything anymore.

I saw W before she left for work as she left a little later than usual, as soon as I pulled up she left. I did not say a word to her... nothing... she look white as a ghost. I really want her to know that the house has to be sold, here comes the reality of D.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
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