Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
Vanilla #2775215 01/13/18 01:58 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
Very different.....

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


bhappy2 #2775229 01/13/18 05:42 AM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
Your children are adults, right? The biggest thing is not trying to get them to take sides by turning them against the other parent. My suggestion is to be honest with them. Respect them like adults. If my parents were about to D, I would be extremely upset if they didn't say anything until after it was final. But, that's just me. You may feel differently.

She wants you to cover for her at the party of 300 guests, her family, and the children. I don't know if she's told you, but she will also want you to take the blame.....or at the least, say it was a mutual decision to D.

She wants you to live with her for five years? She doesn't want to lose her benefits, apparently. crazy

When will D be final?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #2775238 01/13/18 06:39 AM
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
B
bhappy2 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
Originally Posted By: sandi2

She wants you to live with her for five years? She doesn't want to lose her benefits, apparently. crazy

When will D be final?





No she wants one of us to get the house and one of us would then move and after 5 years sell the house and split whatever is left.

I meet with my attorney on Tuesday at this point I do not know when the D will be final I am sure its going to take a while. I also told her that she needs to tell har attorney that she is taking the dog, I do not want him. She then says why are you being so mean? about the dog... I said b/c I do not want him doesnt mean I am being mean, you can have him. Of course tears again.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
LH19 #2775239 01/13/18 06:41 AM
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
B
bhappy2 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
Originally Posted By: LH19
H,

At this point slow down and take some deep breathes. You are a long way to the finish line. If you are still open to recon please just try to not burn any bridges. If the party is planned just go along with it for your kids. I agree with you that your kids are old enough to know what’s going on after the party.

I am about a year ahead of you and I have been told I am still 3 months away from being D.

Let me tell you some of my story and what my W is finding out about a year after filing. She thought she was keeping the M home turns out she is not she can’t afford it. She loves this house and poured her heart and soul into it. The houses she is looking at are half the houses. She took bad advice and went to a lawyer when we were supposed to mediate. I have a friend who is a lawyer and she doesn’t know him from Adam and he lied to her and has charged 3000 more already then my lawyer. We always loved the beach and I have a family cottage we always went to in the summer. I went every minute I could this summer with and without the kids. She went to a local beach once with her cousin and her cousin said it sucked. Family- I still talk to her family and they all got me gifts this year (I have been told they can’t believe she is doing this) no one on my side of the family will talk to her. Friends- at some point they have to take sides. Guess who got invited to the New Years Eve big bash and who didn’t?

That is just the tip of the iceberg. As right now she hasn’t lost anything. Wait until the first time she is away from the kids for 5 days. Has to pay all her bills cut the grass shovel the snow. Then when she realizes the dating pool for a middle aged woman with two young kids may not be so great.

My point is that this may feel like the end but it is not even close. Don’t burn any bridges and try to make life difficult for her because believe me that will take care of itself.



Thank you for all your help, I cannot emphasize enough that I am calm cool and collected, I want this at this point. She needs to see what life is like without me and the kids. They are her whole world. I know this is the beginning and there is a long way to go but I am not sure if there is a path to R


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
TBSakaJ9 #2775240 01/13/18 06:44 AM
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
B
bhappy2 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
Originally Posted By: Joseph9
Happy......my 10 cents FWIW. I would not tell your children anything until you know what is going to happen. It sounds like they still live at home so if you sell the house it will have an impact on them. Obviously you want to give them time to make arrangements but I assume once you and your W reach an agreement they will have enough time. I don't think you should wait until the D is finalized but atleast wait until you and your W have reached an agreement (including the L' if needed). That way you definately know how the kids are going to be impacted vs telling them now and having to say we will let you know later how you will be impacted. As the parents you need to have plan laid out.

The only other advice I would give FWIW. Don't backslide on your hard earned changes making it seem like to her that you only did it to win her back. Calm, cool, collected and confident, not punitive or vindictive. IMO bringing up the cell phone bill the same day you get served is bad timing. Don't start asking her R questions and all of a sudden be needy. Approach this with confidence and your head held high.

Stay strong, double up on your efforts to GAL and self-help books. Truely sorry this has happened but how you handle this moving forward speaks volumes about your character. No shame, only pride.



J9 I see this as a begining to an end, I have no annimosity towards my W, I will not be vindictive but I do think she should pay her own way. I really do not see how she thinks I should still pay things for her.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2775303 01/14/18 04:21 AM
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
B
bhappy2 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
I just asked the W if she would please move out asap, her response was that her attorney told her not to. I said go ahead and have him write up a seperation agreement so that you can be free. She then says why dont you moe out I said sure but I will not be paying for anything if I move out. She was starting to get upset but I at this point dont care.

The reality is starting to hit her. It didnt have to be like this. Too bad, it could hae been worked out.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2775304 01/14/18 05:06 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
BH,

Why did you ask her to move out ASAP? Are you trying to get a reaction? I read through your threads last night and you must have said ten times since June you were done and ready to file. Now she has done it for you and will be labeled as the bad guy. I would think you would be happy about it.

If you read my post earlier I told you the realization will set in with time. With you trying to force her out she will see this as the same old BH trying to control the situation.

IMO what you should do is follow Sandis rules and start to plan out the next 30 years of your life. Indifference is what you are searching for. If you continue to push her and threaten her it will reinforce to her that is making the right choice.

D takes a really long time.

LH19 #2775309 01/14/18 05:36 AM
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
B
bhappy2 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
You are correct, but I was thinking of getting her out would help me move on I was not just looking for a reaction.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
bhappy2 #2775312 01/14/18 06:24 AM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
Are you keeping the house? If not I think it would be perfectly fine for you to move out.

LH19 #2775313 01/14/18 06:37 AM
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
B
bhappy2 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 339
I do not think either one of us can keep the house, but at this point she isnt paying for anything and I think she should movve out.


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard