Thank you Sandi, you help is much appreciated. I will follow DR and this board and see what happens.
Updating:
A check came in the mail and it was a tax refund of some kind and it was addressed to both me and the W and normally this would be a little discussion about how W deserves half. But instead she just signed it and left it for me and did not ask for any part of it. This is just way out of the norm.
MIL gave my W a card on xmas and it was given to both me and my W and she never told me. Last night after work I see money on the dining room table in front of my seat and I asked her what is this she said it was a gift from her mother. This also is something new, but of course I have to ask her what it is she will not tell me unless I ask.
Went out last night to a friends house for dinner then out to bowling with other friends. My parents had cancelled dinner plans. Tonight its going to be gym then off to have some drinks with friends. I am off of work for a few days so I am going to make the best of it.
Looking forward to NYE as I am going to a friend that has a huge house and the party is really fun...no drama.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Went out last night got home at 2am and it was great visiting with friends, laughing and having some drinks. Woke up this morning and W says good morning and we small talk for a bit, she is being friendly and now tells me about her day. I just small talk back. There has not been any R talk in about 1 month and only 3 times in the last 6 month.
Do I just keep doing what I am doing?
I keep reading about crumbs but I do not see her doing this. She cannot manipulate me and she knows it.
I am going out tonight to a nice restaurant with friends, there are always questions from some of the single ladies. Asking were is your W I respond by saying that she is working. Sometimes there are girls asking my close friends if I am single. I will not cheat at this point, and I will not start a new R until and if I was divorced.
W also went food shopping yesterday and is cooking again, I have to say its nice.
I am trying to get motivated to hit the gym, but man this hangover is nasty.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Keep doing what works. When she is ready she will let you know. Sounds like you are on the right road, don't stop now. Let her come down the road you are going down and catch up to you. No looking back.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
BH....it took my W a little over 4 months before she was able to relax around me some and realized the pressure had been removed. It sounds like your doing all the right things and the rest will be up to her.
Went to a NYE party last night by myself and it was great, a lot of laughs and of course several drinks. Not once did I think about my sitch and I didn't feel like I wanted my W there.
I sometimes think I do not see a path to R as the days go on but then I am reminded that in the beginning she wanted nothing to do with me. Now she will have conversations with me that do not seemed strained. I am reluctant to ever bring up any talk about future things and she has completely softend. I did however make a mistake last night but oh well, I woke her up when I got home and wished her a happy new year. She did say it back but then when I woke in the afternoon she did say "Did you have to wake me up"?
I am starting training for a half marathon scheduled for may. I already have a good base of about 22 miles a week. I am going to start to increase my mileage and change diet.
So my D23 has taken an interest in chess and for the past week I leave the chess board on the dining room table with a puzzle to solve. She absolutely loves this and wants me to teach her. I tried when she was younger but she had no interest. In return for me teaching her she will show me how to play guitar. My goal is within 1 year to be able to play "Record Year" by Eric Church. This song is my rallying song.
Just to give a little more background on me I do have a degree in psychology and throught my college days I wonder why we never went over this type of behavior in abnormal psych.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
J9 it certainly is up to her but like you as time passes I just don't know what will happen if she says ok lets fix this, will I turn around and say sorry too late. I look at her now and I just think there is no way she is happy.
One funny tidbit I will share with you, right after BD I said to her you know right after the judge swings his gavel and says you are officialy D'ed you will immediately be happy. Its like magic...
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
I did however make a mistake last night but oh well, I woke her up when I got home and wished her a happy new year. She did say it back but then when I woke in the afternoon she did say "Did you have to wake me up"?
Yeah, that was a little slip up. I guess you know where you stand right?
Went out last night got home at 2am and it was great visiting with friends, laughing and having some drinks. Woke up this morning and W says good morning and we small talk for a bit, she is being friendly and now tells me about her day. I just small talk back. There has not been any R talk in about 1 month and only 3 times in the last 6 month.
Do I just keep doing what I am doing?
Yes, definitely. A lot of LBSs fall into the trap of thinking that when things get a little better that it's time for a full-court-press with the R talks. NO! The reason things are getting better is because you're removing all pressure, this is not the time to reapply it.
