WAW - won't stop, only with me for the kids

[joejoe1]

I hate posting on my phone forgive my grammatical errors.

Pls read through them.

[Cadet]

Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka
that I totally agree with.

Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.

It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.

We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.

Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.

[Cadet]

I am struggling to make sense of the advice though. It seems manipulative, rather than focussing on myself and getting on with being more attractive. I may be misunderstanding, but it doesn't seem to align with the DB rules.

What is it that you think you are going to do?

[sique]

Hi Cadet, I'll put my thoughts together on this later - I may have been confused because I was reading and posting at 2am, or whatever it was

I had my first morning with her this morning since I said I wouldn't stand in her way. She was out till 2am, undoubtedly with the OM. She came down sheepishly and said good morning waiting for the bollocking - and I'm pretty sure I smashed it. I was bright and breezy, gave her my attention but didn't offer much other than stuff about the kids. She brought up our future, not me, and I kept it light. I was more interested in what is going on with my life rather than her A.

Thanks to everyone here. 1 day down. All it took was reading the DB rules 4 or 5 times when I woke up.

I will get there.

[Cadet]

Try reading up on the story of your princess Kate when the future King broke up with her.

She did a great job and look at them now.

[sique]

Haha, I may be living in the UK but I'm not a subject of her maj, so certainly not "my" princess.

[sique]

Cadet to come back to your earlier question - why was I confused between the DB rules and the advice for dealing with a wayward wife. The post gives the following advice:

Do not even try to initiate small talk. If she initiates small talk at the dinner table or in front of the kids, then he should respond in civil but few words. His talk should be more focused on the kids and perhaps their scheduling for the following day. He is not to reveal details of his GAL plans during any of these conversations, other than saying he will be out. If she asks any questions, he should simply give her that incredulous look that says, "Seriously?"

This seems to be difficult to do while maintaining the air of confidence and happiness that the DB rules suggest.

I've told my wife that I'm going to get a life, sort myself out etc. so that I can move on from her. If she doesn't come back to me soon then I'm not going to want her back, I'll have better options elsewhere.

I've told her that either she'll realise that she does care about me or I'll stop caring about her and in either situation I'm going to be fine.

I think this goes against the advice above in the WW article, but I thought it was consistent with the DB rules?

[sique]

My update today is that my wife has agreed to go to couple's counselling in two days' time. And I have worked out exactly who the other man is - though I haven't told her that, and think that I should keep this quiet.

When we go to counselling I want to focus on the reasons for the breakdown of the relationship, not the A itself. But this gets back to the miscarriage and my failure to support her. How do I talk about this without seeming desperate to get her back? I don't know what to expect from the counselling session so can't build a strategy.

[sique]

joejoe1, thank you for your advice. Reading the rules again and again does help prepare me to face her.

I'm trying to detach, but she has been completely financially dependent on me since she was pregnant with our first child. I have asked her to start contributing to the household budget (which I would think is necessary for me to detach) but she has misinterpreted it as me cutting off the full time carer of my children and trying to make her work, and leave the kids. She has a friend who is telling her to hire a lawyer over this (she is lying to this friend about her A so I seem like a lunatic controlling freak).

[CW2017]

Hi Sique
If that turns out to be the case it won't do any harm (at this stage) to talk to a lawyer just to see where you stand especially as here in the UK she will probably get custody regardless and with no job the onus might be on you for support