When you start to feel indifference and not caring as much about what you say, your word choice, etc. and you find yourself emotionally not caring as much are those the signs that normally come with moving on and being ready for D? Is it like a light bulb going turning on in your head? Like the ah ha moment?
Yes. And eventually, it becomes something that happened; lessons learned and you move on to new experiences and bigger and better things.
Thanks D....I am also starting to feel the anger and sadness coming back again. I have always remained hopeful and optimistic but I think as that starts to fade away the emotions come back. I have also tried to not view her in a negative light either but I am finding that harder and harder to do.
I will give it until after the holidays but I have a really strong urge to send her a note and let her know that after the first of the year this is going to happen, that J9 is out.
Is it like a light bulb going turning on in your head? Like the ah ha moment?
J,
I think it's more gradual. I use to have those steering wheel moments where I would bang on the wheel and scream "why in the fuch are you doing this to our family"? I don't anymore. If she was out I couldn't sleep till she got home. Sleep like a baby now when she's out. Would get a pit in my stomach when she would bring up anything about D. Don't anymore and actually bring it up myself now if I want answers.
Had dinner with my Ws cousin last night. She thinks my W is nuts for wanting a D. Says I am always happy when she sees me and my W is not. Thinks shes MLC and will regret this big time one day.
The thing is even though I am in a good place there seems to be at least 1 day a week that I feel I have some fight left in me. So I am not so sure I can ever get to 100% acceptance.
The thing is even though I am in a good place there seems to be at least 1 day a week that I feel I have some fight left in me. So I am not so sure I can ever get to 100% acceptance.
^^^^^^.....I agree with you 1000%. I do know that I no longer get that pit in my stomach when the word D comes up either and when I have the girls or just in general I don't worry what she is doing. Even with finding out my girls spent the night at her friends house or whatever, I went home, poured myself a glass of bourbon and slept like a baby. I know I have some fight but is it worth it?????
I guess I need to figure out if I really want a D because I don't want to be with the person any more or if it is about not being in limbo any more and trying to ease that pain.
Also by not filing or pushing it forward myself does that make me look weak? Or will she see me as a strong, confident man because I am not pursuing, not chasing, not engaging her.....
Had dinner with my Ws cousin last night. She thinks my W is nuts for wanting a D. Says I am always happy when she sees me and my W is not. Thinks shes MLC and will regret this big time one day.
Anyone that knows me and my W that knows what is going on feels the same way for me. No one can wrap their mind around anything that my W has done. I completely agree with you!
[quote] I know I have some fight but is it worth it?????
I don't actually fight, but usually on Sunday's for some reason I feel like I may not want a D. It's weird.
The beauty is usually at some point my W yells at the kids or says something to me and then I think to myself man I can't wait until she's out of here lol!
[quote]Also by not filing or pushing it forward myself does that make me look weak? Or will she see me as a strong, confident man because I am not pursuing, not chasing, not engaging her.....
I do not know of an active A or OM. There has been some soft evidence of intentions books she was reading early on, a conversation I stumbled into with her talking about some guy dancing with her, this mysterious sleepover my D's had on Wed but no hard evidence of text messages, pictures, meeting my kids, her introducing someone to our mutual friends or anything like that. If she is engaging in the activity she has kept it underground.
I don't actually fight, but usually on Sunday's for some reason I feel like I may not want a D
Sundays suck for me as well but I know why. 3 hours of the afternoon is spent doing their laundry and getting their bags packed for their week at mom's. Cleaning their rooms and shutting their doors for the week is a little bittersweet. It also makes me wonder what is going through their head as they get shipped from house to apartment.
Well, the situation makes it harder to find hard intel on a potential A and OM. I don't know how you would find out about it short of asking her head on - she could lie obviously - and hiring a PI. I am in a similar situation and that's why I don't rest my decision about the D on finding out about an A or OM. That evidence would play into my calculus, but I want a D because I don't want to be with her anymore. An A would probably push me in that direction, but I want to do it because I want it.
So J, the question is, would a confirmed A/OM cement your feelings right now about D? If not, are you in a place where you're good with a D and ready to move on, and not just use it as a tactic for recon?
