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Right. I gotcha. My kid is getting as much support as possible. Constant reassurance, praise, everything. I can't provide that for her kid quite as much anymore but I do it as much as possible.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
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AS, thank you for the words of encouragement. This is the hardest thing I've done so far in my life. It's like losing a loved one to terminal illness.

I decided that for at least the immediate future I am going to ignore her completely. I did not respond to a single text message today. She called about the kids so I took the call but when she started asking why I ignored her I just told her I don't want to talk to her because what she said was really messed up. I told her I will only talk to her about the kids. Then I hung up on her. I ignored all her subsequent calls.

She has texted me apology after apology and I've ignored them all. I will continue to do so as long as humanly possible. She continues texting me as if she needs me to respond.

You're right. The rope has been dropped.

What she said was so awful, but there was no pain. My wife would ever have said that to me, ever. But apparently it's all fun and games for the WW.

Thanks for being here for me everyone.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
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So last night was a turning point for me. I just don't know how to take this.

After I decided not to talk to her all evening, she continued to harass me about everything. Any chance she got, to the point she decided to keep me awake all night by leaving the lights on and talking to me or moving furniture. She started making more accusations, and then would get remorseful.

I did decide to talk for about 5 minutes and she expressed remorse but still accused me of trapping her. I remembered OM, saw this as a trick, and told her that nothing I say will affect the D one way or another. I then said I did not want to talk anymore.

She lost her temper and resumed the disruptive behavior. I ignored it all until she got so tired that she went to sleep.

The whole thing took about 4 hours. It was 4 hours of her trying to regain control of my attention. It would have been really difficult 2 weeks ago, but now that the "rope has been dropped" all I did was sit there and watch her.

Sheesh.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
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Originally Posted By: Joe2017
The whole thing took about 4 hours. It was 4 hours of her trying to regain control of my attention.


After the first thirty minutes of rubbish, it's acceptable to tell her you've got to take a dump and excuse yourself.

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Honestly this is the first time I've ever seen this kind of behavior from her. She's never done anything remotely similar throughout the marriage. I know 4 hours is a long time (trust me) but I couldn't leave the house with my kid at 1am on a school night.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
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Originally Posted By: Joe2017
I know 4 hours is a long time (trust me) but I couldn't leave the house with my kid at 1am on a school night.


Joe,

Actually, I mostly said that because it gave me the opportunity to use the expression "take a dump." I always thought that was a funny expression. It's like "pop a squat" or "torque a wicked cable" or "pinch a loaf," and the Aussie version, "punch the prime minister."

I think I need help with more examples.

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Well, day two of ignoring her. She has accused me of taking some documents that I did not remove. Then texted about some minor things and accused me of changing passwords to accounts.

How should I react to false accusations?

I am considering leaving the house. I can't have another night of her treating me like that. There's also nothing I can do to stop her that won't cause a really bad situation for our boys.

I would just leave with my son and be done with it all. I think I'm at that point. I have evidence that she is creating a hostile environment for me that is detrimental to my son so I'm not too worried about money in court.

Obviously, I'm asking my attorney first.


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Hi Joe,

I suppose I’m as good as anyone in responding to your situation, I was also in a very toxic atmosphere after I found out my W was in a PA which was highly detrimental to my boys and me.

Please be aware if YOU choose to leave you open the door for the AP/LO to walk straight in and basically take your place, that means co-parenting YOUR children. You need to make sure you can handle the thought of this happening and him sleeping in your bed.

The feeling of being TOTALLY replaced, all the handy work all the new pictures on the walls everything. IT’S REALLY TOUGH TRUST ME.

BUT –

Instantly I was rid of their madness and so was my boys, now the AP/LO had to pick up the workload I did around the family home is he capable? Does he want to or is it just about the sex?
The board offers many principles based on DR and a founder principle is detachment, well you don’t get more detached than moving out of the house and away from her BUT THIS COMES AT A PRICE.

I am now in control of everything to do with my life, I have no one to answer to but him upstairs and it has made a massive difference to my attitude. I’m more confident, happier in respect to not having to face the rollercoaster of their R playing out in front of me!
No longer do I hate the thought of her coming home after work to start the continual conflict just because I was in the way of her seeing her AP/LO! All is well with me and eventually with time I am now better able to manage my emotions and those pesky triggers.

I still see WW almost daily due to our need to see our boys regularly but her seeing Mark in control and confident always with a smile on his face just messes with her head, “how dare you be this well-adjusted when my life is one of constant ups and downs…”
It has served me well in allowing me to be better able to work on my boys and my life and the DR principles, some would also say this makes me MORE attractive..!

IDK but I have found peace and focus to better work on reconciling my M as this is my ultimate goal but either way I survive.

Would I do it again with all the knowledge I have now? Maybe not BUT I did ask her to leave and she was having none of it. JUST BE SURE YOU CAN COPE WITH THE DAY AFTER YOU LEAVE AND DON’T HAVE ANY REGRETS.

I’m rooting for you.

Mark.


DR'ing started March 2017

Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
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Thanks Mark.

So the thing is that we don't have kids together, it is a set of stepsons, one on each side. If OM wants to step in and play house, that's fine with me. He won't.

I don't want to lose any legal claims to my house but my kid's safety trumps money. WW has gone crazy and threatened to call police and make up a story. I can't live like this anymore and my kid deserves better.

I just have to make sure I do it all at once when she's not around.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
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Do not move out of your home. Be very clear on it in your own mind and as a boundary.

Oh, and watch out you are not being set up. I truly do not like this reaction of WW. Not one little bit.

If you have a recorder app use it. At the least sign of trouble take advice.

And you are keeping documents evidence and a log?

Cards, close chest any order.

Don't drink around WW. Have a kindly friend or neighbour on hand to verify your stance.

Delicate steps, this period will determine your future both health and wealth.

And doodler is right, get yourself to a quiet place. Loo is good enough......

Poop, Brown stuff, fan etc

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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