Looking forward to a new start for 2018. I reduced my email as I am trying only to focus on kids activities. I think will try to make it once a week soon to keep the tradition and be the better person. What he does is his to figure out. Apparently he is also trearTing his mom the same sending her a msg once a month .
I noticed he is showing more often now msg the kids. They rarely initiate contact now and they don't always respond. I try not to interfere he will need to do that effort.
He still didnot come back about the kids visiting him. Just sent some pictures of snow Ned in some small city in Europe . I really have no idea why is he there did he relocate. I don't see him liking the cold weather. I myself am done with that.
I am not Christian but kids love the spirit. So I got them a small tree and we are looking for some presents cheap ones and they are using their skills to decorate.
Last time we celebrated xmass was 3 years back with him. And we did enjoy it then.
I think kids like it for the get together and the presents . So will do that with my siblings this time. For last two years Iwebused to travel. Still looking for a job... Hopefully will get something starting next year... Keeping my fingers crossed.
I wonder why Mlc love secrecy, why cut everyone from their life, why keep doing what really will not give them peace. I really don't get why run away and prolong misery. Just face it and handle consequence whatever they are.
Last edited by job; 12/11/1711:36 PM. Reason: added spaces between paragraphs
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Journaling ... I know I am not doing myself a favour and I want to take these idea’s from my mind but some how I am not able to. I am curious to understand what is going on. So here is the deal
He seems to have left the country he is living in and is in Europe for a while no idea how long but more than two months. Why . Is he sick and need medical attention. In his msg he says he is stuck here a a bit. What does that mean. Is is financial . He says he need to arrange his living arrangement. He was a partner in his company and on his profile he is still the MD. Does he have financial troubles hence he left. I tried to call the company land line but no one answers . Is there someone in his life? I just need answers . Why all this secrecy . I guess that is why he does not answer any of my emails as he don’t want to say what he is doing. I have one contact in his company but I don’t feel good sending him email asking about my H and I am sure he will tell him. Or should I tell h I am going to contact his friend to get my answers. I know I should not do any of that... but curiousity kills the cat...
I need to shut my mind and only think of me and kids. But I wish to have my answers .
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Lana I think it's perfectly normal to wonder (and be concerned about) the whereabouts of your H in these circumstances.
In the absence of any real information, are you sure you are OK financially? Do you have anything in place to protect yourself? Is there power of attorney for you where you're living?
Hello Devvo Financially I’ll manage. I am blessed with a family that supports me tremendously without asking any question. At the same time I am looking for a job has some savings especially for kids schooling. iSight not have excess but will manage. Would be nice if my H will pitch in and help but don’t think he will.
Legally I have nothing from him nor anybody asked for any. I was never asked for the father consent for anything ...when traveling I asked him to send me an email just in case I was asked at Airport. Even so I was never asked.
But of course I am scared of the future universities and so. I know I need to find something soon ... looking fo some companies to do remote jobs . Hoping for the best.
I know I will not do anything from what I said in my previous msg just really wished I did not care wherever he is in this world.
Last edited by job; 12/14/1709:42 AM. Reason: added spaces between paragraphs
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Happy new year to everyone... hope you had great time with your loved ones. I personally did kids had lots of fun especially that we had some family wedding and couple of parties which we all enjoyed.
Nothing much from h just some doradic msg mainly to the kids happy new year a so even the kids took ample of time to respond and sometimes they didnot. I sent couple of emails and some pictures but when I felt that even kids are not affected I let it go.i also sent a birthday wish which he thanked me vaguely.
For last couple of days it has been on my mind Divorce. My mom asked me what I am afraid of and I said mainly kids have exams now maybe leave it till May. But then I kept writing an email and deleting it multiple times as if afraid of his reactions . I think it is time to be assertive and he is not what I want at the moment. He does not talk to me , does not ask about me nor how I am managing, does not answer any of my question. Basically completely abandoning me so what am I afraid of . Shattering a dream ? Time to move on. I know it will not be easy but I need to move on.
I wrote an email requesting divorce which I think is better for me and the kids. I did say I am done with secrets and need to move on with my life. No blaming no attacking just what is best for me. He acknowledge receiving it and said will come back to me in a day... need to digest... really ....he pushed me so much to do that what does he expect... anyway I said nothing and let it be.
I feel ok after that day went smooth. Don’t expect anything tomorrow but will come back in a week to tell me ok how do you want to do that...
If so then I got the answer and will deal with that as it is better than being in limbo land.
Knowing his way I am not sure he will answer but maybe this time either he gets what he wants or his dignity will not allow him to stay married to someone does not want him . Whatever that is if someone does not care to fight for us or do anything we need we don’t need him in our life no more.
That is it for now I guess 2018 will be A new beginning....
Last edited by job; 01/14/1812:20 AM. Reason: added spaces between paragraphs
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
You sound more grounded and ready to move forward. I'm sure your divorce request shocked him and that's why he needs time to digest the info. He may "forget" to get back to you, but you will know what to do.
2018 will be a new beginning for you and your family. Don't look back...life if far too short to look in the mirror at the past. The present is a gift and one that we all need to focus on now.
Continue to post as you may have questions along the way and there are many here who can assist you along the way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello Job Thanks for your response. Yes I do feel strong I try to interact more from a point of passion not anger. I guess I reached a point knowing all my efforts to wake him up are useless.
Looking inside I was afraid of being a divorced woman and a single mom. Somehow maybe that is cultural acceptance or financial stability. Now I reached a stage maybe I am embarrassed of my status not married and not divorced. It seems that divorced is better than abandoned not infront of people but infront of myself . I realized I need to go through my fears now and go ahead with divorce .
Well yes I guess he might be shocked that after 4 years of emotional abuse I decided to move on. Or maybe he wants to play it in a way that he will feel good about his myself. No answer yet but I had expected it.
And truthly speaking better so that I know that he thought thoroughly of his answer.
I on the other hand feel good with the situation and looking forward to move on with my life without any stupid fantasies that he might ever come back.
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hello Job ... I don’t know if I got myself stuck again or what... ok here is what happened. So I send him a ? Mark yesterday he said he will send a response yesterday but didnot. So I wrote another email saying this is better for me to move on and not be stuck hoping for a different outcome. And due to kids exams better not inform them till May so as not to interrupt their schedule . This time he answer my email and send me a msg that he answered here is his email .
“ Hello xxxxx
You are right that I have failed as a father and husband.... and probably in every relationship in my life. The more I am trying to solve my “problems” the bigger they are getting. Hence, wherever I am it is not comfortable and not very rosy.
Nevertheless, you deserve your dignity and life without feeling abandoned. I never had and probably never will be able to provide you life envisioned by you and also for the girls. I believe and respect and praise how you have raised the girls and continue to be the true force in their lives.... unlike me.
So, yes I agree with the timing and not to hurt the kids and effect their exams. And also you have all the right to take things personally.
Sincerely,”
Then on msg he said he no longer lives where he was now he is in Europe still waiting for residency so I said do you want to talk ... I think he hesitated then we spoke first since a year. And here is what I got...he is mainly focused on work I am focused on relationship so he said he was in a long distance relation for a year that was two years back and now he is in so much financial trouble he can’t think of anything nor have emotions for any .
He left the place he was in due to issues with work and is working to settle his loan. Currently living in small hotels as he has no residency and wotkjngvto set up his thing again . In his mind he thinks he is protecting the kids from seeing his trouble.
Here is were I am not sure if I should have done this or not . I said I can’t help financially but if you need a friend to talk we can be here. You have tried to do this on ur own but maybe you need to change tactics . We can help your state of mind. The conversation was odd he says he is confused what I want .. he says he has no one next to him he failed in all. I know I can’t fix him but should Ijust let him be. He does not blame anyone else but himself and he knows it.
I said I am willing to stand until May because that is the time I put for divorce after kids exams. I am willing to be a friend he can talk to and I wish he figures out his things . As long as I don’t get slapped again with a relationship. He said will talk again Thursday... not sure if he will but let’s leave it.
So at least for now I know My intuition was right all the time. He is completely broken and might never recover His current status is not good for my kids Financially he is barely making it I need to take care of myself and my kids for a long time without expecting anything from him especially if he does not get up. Emotionally I think he is scarred for life and will never recover
So now what is the right thing to do???? Is that rock bottom for him or there is more.
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Thinking.... can I ever forgive for this one year relation... even if things ever got better will I be able to. Is he worth even sticking with. Not sure if he is. Would he stay broken and never get up? Today after the call he was not appealing nor did his mind. Somehow I am happy I was not with him and don’t think I felt any love more of pity. Thinking of my kids it would be better if they have a father they can be proud of ... I hope one day he will make it. I will try to help next couple of month but will still go ahead with divorce in May .
Give me any 2*4 if you have .
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
You are still searching for the magic key to unlock his door and have him return home. Lana, he is a mess and you don't want him back the way he is. He needs to hit bottom and if it means financially, then so be it. I may be wrong, but I think you are thinking that you can still rescue him from himself...you can't. You didn't break him, therefore, you didn't break him.
Yes, you can be a good listener and friend...but remember, he fired you from the job you loved most...being his wife, companion and lover. If he should contact you and want to talk, just listen. If he asks for advice, then give it to him...otherwise...just listen. He already knows that you are there for him so there is no need to remind him again.
Keep those expectations at zero and sit quietly, the answers will be revealed to you when the time is right.
Keep the focus on you and your children. Always remember...you can't rescue/fix him because you didn't break him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
