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Vanilla #2770947 12/10/17 11:37 PM
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I recognize that there is no diagnosis for MLC. The term is a broad stroke to cover something that can happen any age but it's not uncommon at ML. The term may be a myth because not everyone goes into crisis mode but for those that do, the underlying phycological issues are often very similar. Take my W for instance. She is probably fighting depression and anxiety that are rooted in her re-evaluation of her life thus far. For some reason, she has come to the conclusion that she has squandered her life or been forced to do what everyone expected her to do, to the detriment of her identity. She is now behaving irrationally and is making short term life choices that not only have long term consequences for her but also for her loved ones.

So I'll give the fact that there is no official MLC diagnosis, but the underlying issues like depression, anxiety, feelings of entrapment, etc are very real and it's really just symantics. What many of our spouses are suffering from is a very real mental break from their long-time self. Whatever it is, it's not healthy for her or anyone around her right now. I'm no psychologist, just a husband whose W has had a very real break and is at risk of throwing away 28 beautiful years together because she is unable to cope with all that is coming at her in her at this stage of her life.i just want to see her through this and come out with an intact marriage on the other side.


Me: Mid 40s; W : Early 40s
M: 21y T: 28y
W's MLC began mid 2016
EA started early 2017
ILYBINILWYA BD 11/17
Vereo #2771102 12/11/17 09:31 PM
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I think this is underlying throughout and doesn't just arise at ML or any other time. Underlying personality disorder which can only be resolved by treatment and the disordered sticking with it.

Some just behave disordered others truly have a systemic disorder which can not be resolved even with treatment.

I watch many LBS waiting for years hoping for a remission instead of getting on with their lives. Believing that MLC is a temporary condition that will resolve and their beloved will return and life will go back to nirvana.

In many cases as an LBS who concentrates on themselves and their children then if the wayward comes to their right mind then it is likely the LBS deserves more.

And of course it's all the LBS fault.

The LBS deserves a much better R and their children a better parent. When I see a parent putting their own needs first then it makes me very sad. That to me includes the LBS who puts their need for the wayward before the safety of their children.

Children come first in my thinking for both parents.

And there are so many wonderful dads here who become the protector and main support for their children. The WW is a glorious beast of entitlement and for me there is no easy way back once this affects children.

The damage often can never be resolved just minimised.

If there are no children affected then by all means the LBS can become Miss Haversham endlessly sighing for that which was andwishing for its return. It's better for the LBS to recover, to accept their limited part in it. Of course there are those who can behave wayward and wake up to the effects of it, they resolve it. It is rare and in my time on the board I have seen only 4 cases of self resolution and I am discussing posters to the board, those actively seeking to understand and heal.

If the spouse is a walkaway and in normally that's the case then it can be different. Since only between 8 and 15% of the population are disordered so statistically that must be so. Then there is nothing better than DB, it's wonderful. And of course we must acknowledge that occasionally the disordered find their way here looking for ways to find new means of control. They don't last when challenged as the last thing they want is resolution and accountability. When called on their controlling behaviour they usually leave. This is a board for healing, growth and repair usually of the LBS.

For me the worst of this is the effect on children.

Just saying

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Vanilla #2771251 12/13/17 03:18 AM
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Thanks for the reply, Vanilla.

Again, probably just semantics between the term MLC and what is going on with her. It's as real as my depression was and and as anyone who's ever suffered from one knows, until you've been through a mental illness it's hard to appreciate the control it can have over your personality. I strongly believe she is suffering from some sort of mental break and that it just so happened to start at about mid-life for her. smile TomAto/Tomato...

I'm taking the approach that if I work on the things about myself that I can, I stand the best chance of reaching reconciliation with my W. On the flip-side, if things do not go the way I hope they do (end of marriage), I will have built myself up to be a stronger man, ready to move on and be there for my children. I will not give up hope on our marriage though, I will stand as long as I can handle it.

Re: kids, we are both very caring with the kids. W is a great mom and always has been. She has remained the nurturer and I've remained present and there for them as much as possible. I work full time so my time during the school year is limited to a couple hours during the week but we do a lot on the weekends. The kids can sense the tension between mom and me, don't get me wrong. But they are not being neglected by any stretch of the imagination. We have a loving home, just not a very loving MR at the moment.

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Me: Mid 40s; W : Early 40s
M: 21y T: 28y
W's MLC began mid 2016
EA started early 2017
ILYBINILWYA BD 11/17
Vereo #2771505 12/15/17 11:05 AM
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Then I think its just waywardness.

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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