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A Message from Michele
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Re: Gordie: waiting for MLC W to sign the D papers [Re: Gordie] #2770170
12/05/17 12:50 AM
12/05/17 12:50 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,875
Canada
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AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Posts: 1,875
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Gordie - you probably know that I'm not devout myself but I do enjoy the Bible. It is full of fabulous stories. It's probably been 25 years since I last read it. I thought I remembered something appropriate and did a bit of searching. I hope you appreciate this verse.

Isaiah 32:2

And a man shall be as an hiding place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest; as rivers of water in a dry place, as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Gordie: waiting for MLC W to sign the D papers [Re: AndrewP] #2770241
12/05/17 06:39 AM
12/05/17 06:39 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,300
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Sotto Offline
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Sotto  Offline
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Posts: 5,300
Wow Gordie, I do think your W is one confused lady - she is all over the place! Introducing OM to the kids - initiating intimacy with you? My head is spinning...

Rock solid boundaries are critical for you and your family I think - so, good for you on being where you are at with everything.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly with the agreement.

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Gordie: waiting for MLC W to sign the D papers [Re: Gordie] #2770282
12/05/17 12:17 PM
12/05/17 12:17 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,419
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Massachusetts
Originally Posted By: Gordie


And, gosh, I missed the MLC try to reel the LBS back in stage. Yes, folks, thats where weve been the past week. Calls, texts, even compliments on my appearance, and yes, she even tried to start something sexually. And dont worry, I didnt respond. I do not want to be in a three way relationship!

shocked

Wow. Just - wow!


Originally Posted By: Gordie

One of my kids keeps asking me how mommy and I fell in love. He wants to hear that story. And another declined stbxs plan to take him to go out with OM2. He asked to stay with me and stbx said okay. I feel so bad for them. I tell them I love them. I give them extra hugs and kisses and time. I hurt for them.


He is trying to figure it out. They all are. But logic and MLC do not coincide. In answer to your previous post question about are you using MLC as an excuse. I suggest you re-read that chapter in DR and then try to answer the question. The first time I read that chapter I stopped part way through, put my head down on the breakfast bar and wept as though my heart would break - mostly because it *was* breaking. It felt as though Michele had been sitting in my family room taking notes on us for the previous few years, getting material to write that chapter. I was terrified because it was the worst case scenario and it took the longest to sort, if it ever did get sorted. For me, I do not question it at all, but many do, and a re-read may clear it up for you.

BTW, you continue to be a rock star. Rock Star!!! xoxoxo all the respect Gordie. Hang in there my friend.


M 20+ T25+
BD April 6, 2015
D Final 12/23/16

Gratitude, love, compassion, humor, service

"And the days that I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, well, I have really good days"
Re: Gordie: waiting for MLC W to sign the D papers [Re: bttrfly] #2770300
12/05/17 04:18 PM
12/05/17 04:18 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,389
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HaWho Offline
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From my vantage point of the last few years, honestly, I cannot say that what I have witnessed is just my inability to accept my h's "bad behavior."

My sisters who have know my h for 2 decades came in the height of his crisis and they were stunned. (Prior to their visit, though I was warning them something was very, VERY off with h, they downplayed it: schedule more date nights, buy some lingerie, tell him to knock it off, etc.). Well, they left singing a completely different tune especially when they saw the paranoia first hand. Back then he wasn't eating my food as he was convinced I was trying to poison him! And yet he kept all his food accessible to me in the fridge and pantry! Duh! If I am trying to poison you shouldn't you lock away your food source?!?

Personally, I think with research "this" (whatever it is) will be classified as some sort of subset of depression/mania. There is research that shows MLCers brains look different during crisis. If children who are sexually abused can bury what happened for decades, why couldn't other trauma be shelved in a similar fashion?

And just anecdotally, I witnessed it all with my very own eyes and journaled it all here. By nature I am a fairly skeptical person; well, I used to be...

Your w shows the massive yo-yoing confusion that is typical. She shows the replay and poor coping skills.

Children need 1 sane parent to pull them through. You can do it! The older ones can know this has nothing to do with them even though it affects their lives so much. The younger ones will lean on you and you'll be their rock teaching them strong coping skills and healthy habits.

Staying away from my h started me on the path to detachment, too. I cut off watching him, analyzing what I thought I was seeing, etc. The nights were rough for me as well. Some sounds are still triggers for me, reminding me of his replay days. Awful!

You are a strong man Gordie. Better days are coming your way...


Me: 41 H: 47, M 15 yrs., S11 & S13
BD # 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD # 2: 3/31/15 H moves downstairs to his "dorm room"
8/15: H moves to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files
Re: Gordie: waiting for MLC W to sign the D papers [Re: HaWho] #2770327
12/06/17 03:58 AM
12/06/17 03:58 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 2,871
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Ginger1 Offline
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Quite honestly Gordie, and I may be wrong..... I don't think your W is confused at all. I think she is in some sort of manic phase where she wants it ALL. She wants you, the wonderful loving husband and father, and her OM, a nightly rendezvous without reality. She felt she was losing a part of her fantasy and she was trying to recover it.

How absolutely horrible and selfish and sick of her to say she loves you then that she is going to leave to spend the night with OM?! Her behavior is quite disgusting. And you, Gordie, are a stand-up guy, genuine and true to yourself.

Your wife is very very sick right now. She may never recover. Or she may, but I think by that time, you will not want that back in your life. I am being honest here.

I am very glad your kids have you. And you have your kids. You are a stand-up kind of guy I only wish my H ex H could have been.

Re: Gordie: waiting for MLC W to sign the D papers [Re: Ginger1] #2770357
12/06/17 07:54 AM
12/06/17 07:54 AM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 208
Texas
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sjohns6 Offline
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Texas
Gordie,
I just started at the beginning and read all the way through your story. What a tough situation you are dealing with. Thank you for posting and continuing to journal here. Reading your story and the advice given from everyone is helpful to me.

The texts and calls you have been getting from your wife since going out overnight do seem to fall right in line with the pursuit/distancer dance. Just make sure to stay strong and keep it up. Don't give in. To me, that sounds easy in theory, but when the person I love looks me in the face and says she misses me, its hard to see her for the MLC crazy that she is...I want to see her as the person she has always been up till all this. It is just fear of losing the cake eating. You've been feeling bad and missing her all this time...allow her to feel that way for a bit.


Me: 40 yrs
W: 38 yrs
Together: 21 yrs
Married: 15 yrs
Son: 14 yrs
Daughter: 13 yrs
BD: Jan 2017
Re: Gordie: waiting for MLC W to sign the D papers [Re: sjohns6] #2770475
12/07/17 02:44 AM
12/07/17 02:44 AM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,329
USA
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Gordie Offline OP
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Gordie  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,329
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Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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