I am laminating my STD Free card today as a matter of fact and then adding glitter or something. I would think no sex with anyone lacking such proof...
M's goal I do respect & will not be the cause of his slipping. Last night we were making out (my dog was hilarious I swear she wanted in or ON or whatever but no growling, thank God). So the making out was nice but getting heavy and
Finally I pulled away and said "I don't know how to do this - without progressing so let's just not try..." and he agreed.
I don't recall the last time I had to do this since high school but it makes sense.
Am I over the schmoopie thing? In the respect that I KNOW h traded down, yes.
In the sense that she is someone who cut in line to live MY financial life, AND our LEGAL crap is still not over and I have mounting debt
and am so hurt & infuriated AT TIMES
that I need meds... so no. And[b] I KEEP on finding out NEW lies and hidden assets that go back so far, it's like a gut punch all over again. It is THEN that I backslide.
God, How could I have been so duped?
But NO I do not wish to be her OR my h.
And I feel loved where I am. Hopeful about the future. (More to you V, later, I promise)
Today is my birthday
I am NOT changing the age number below, b/c I don't feel like it.
But I'm off to celebrate.
xoxo
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I've decided why on earth would I change my age HERE?
That might mean changing from "25yrs", to 35, etc.?
I will say that most men my age look, - you know, their age. Which is often fine. But often they look a lot older or I look younger
NOT bragging, just observing. I want sparks folks. Smarts/hearts/sparks. Don't know what order but admit that in life we tend to spot the attractive ones first and then investigate.
Anyone have it start the other way? I think one intimacy happens, the bonding and sparks might come alive.
I am saying the one thing I miss about h is his physique. Damn & he could really dance and we were a good team.
But the kindnesses shown to me by G and M, (especially M who spends time in thought about things I like, and he's who I'm spending time with now)
his acts at times are almost startling kindnesses.
Which usually makes me feel great but I have moments where I wonder what the heck I had done to myself in the m, putting up with getting SO LITTLE back...
I lowered my expectations of h so much and picked up the slack on everything else.
Still baffles me that HE is angry at ME, really crazy mad, and at times (per my brother) really concerned he's going to get screwed
and this (H's head space) matters ONLY b/c we are in settlement talks AGAIN.
I countered today based on law, and let my brother guide it so my L wouldn't keep saying "but he won't take it."
WELL, TRY PLEASE!! (I really want to play poker someday with my L, and WIN).
My brother can then call h and "splain" how it might be if we go to trial b/c h is - I hope and believe, NOT going to win.
So settle it now and set me free and go earn your gazillions in gold with your schmoopie.
Though I find myself pretty darn happy that rumors have it their "match is not made in heaven" and that Schmoopie "not up to his level/not very smart and sure as hell NOT funny" -
my true goal in the future, I believe/hope and pray, is that h becomes irrelevant.
God help me.
50+ more days and maybe we can really be done.
Oh, btw, he has not filed taxes for 2016 but hopes we can file together. (Saves money!)
That's nice EXCEPT I'm getting penalized for him delaying, again....idiot.
Back to my new life - 2 of my kids are coming for Christmas, M assembled a media tower thing, thank God he's good at that
and he helped me get my tree in and set up. It was a big deal to me.
His travel schedule may suck for a long time and then I can - exit, stage left. But for now, it's nice. (Long distance m did not work so well for me, why enter another long distance r? Again I'm giving M time b/c he's making changes like moving here to his HQ and trying to get an assignment here)...
ANYONE try a matchmaker service like tawkify?
Just wondering. Seems a lot better than online dating, more like blind dating.
Just a thought for down the road maybe.
thanks for listening and yes I'm better in general.
But at times I feel like a black sheep failure, l worry A LOT about my youngest child, and still find myself periodically fuming at h.
My job prospects are decent and ALL UNRELATED to law, so I'm starting over.
So yeah, that ticks me off. I try to reframe it. (Look, I'm eating gluten!)
H lost a wife who truly was LOYAL and that is just a FACT even he must know.
I did not lose a great h or father. Just a good earner who looks good. And once upon a time we were in love or it sure seemed that way.
But what was a bittersweet tragic end to a marriage has become a strange ugly ORDEAL totally unnecessary.
Ugh
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
why do you think the party who in most people's eyes was more at fault (not completely and I played a role, etc)
but in the last 26 months for sure, so much deceit on H's ends, the stealing all the marital money from our joint accounts (*NOT a crime btw, but recoverable if you have the resources to pursue them)
and all the crap I've already posted here
why is HE so damn angry at ME? And so detached from our kids???
And from what I can tell, he's cancelled ALL life insurance policies so our kids (not just me) get nothing from him.
I think or assume that Schmoopie gets it all.
35 years and all the holidays (MOST) without a dad around, the thousands of nights and so much missed TIME
and then they get kicked to the curb for some tundra woman up there.
Dark thoughts today but I'm going to a meeting and will snap out of it.
There's no way to make some of h's actions into anything other than ugly,
so I guess it goes to what I do with my actions so the kids have one sane parent.
God, I hope they don't turn into weird spouses decades from now, or ever
My friend M is a good man. He really tries and he listens. Don't know if we are just in the right place t the right time to help each other thru the sucky plane crash part - but it's very good to have a special friend help you in those dark moments. They get it.
BTW we both agree never to disparage the other's former spouse, (whom we've never met) b/c we find it so offensive
and b/c we are NOT schmoopies.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
As I come to what may finally legally end my 35 year (36 if you count the separation year, which I'm not) marriage,
I know I will reflect and comment here. What I have learned (and it won't all be about how terrible a h or marriage I had was,)
and what I wish I had known. There are no time machines, but in the marriage if there are "issues" - then DEAL WITH THEM THEN - problems do not go away & they won't magically improve with time, like a fine wine.
So don't spackle over the red flags b/c you are so attracted to your mate or SO invested in the marriage that you overlook some things.... Overlooking certain things is not the way to save a marriage.
I have more GDC to deal with, and last night at DivorceCare (which is 90% helpful, 10% a bit too preachy for me with the videos)
a KID from a divorce was our speaker. It was powerful. Damn sad but WE all know this, don't we?
I have 2 of my kids coming for Christmas for a week. SO MY NEW PLAN is all about projecting how well I am doing and focussing on THEIR lives.
My health crap from a year ago terrified them so first off they need to know I'm focussed and okay now (mostly) and I want my kids to see me as empowered and healing, AND forward looking.
Me, the NEW East Coast Mama, moving forward...
(Though I reserve the right to move west again!!)
THEY need to know I'm okay and now they need to be MY focus. I've been too pre-occupied with my own pain and health issues and now that my health seems to be pretty good
the only thing I can DO for my kids is by my actions - and not spending time discussing the div (I will briefly answer their questions but then leave it at that).
My quandary is that they have asked me NOT to defend h, but they also -- I FEEL - that they also seem saddened by discussions of h.
I don't want to cover for h again, but there's a fine line between that and bashing him.
Circling back to the original point (projecting my new healing life and checking in on my kids pain b/c even though they are "grown", they are still made up of half of his DNA). He is part of who they are. Trashing him in any way is subconsciously at least, trashing a part of them.
And what's to say? For the most part , H's behavior speaks for itself. No need for me to comment, really.
SECOND
My kids are meeting some of my new friends when they are here and I asked if they were comfortable meeting M, "a guy I'm dating".
I made it very clear this is NOT THE MEETING of your new daddy!"
M & I just began dating 3 months ago, but as he's only here in the area, for 2 nights over the holidays and one of those nights I'm hosting a gathering anyhow.
I specifically asked both kids (which I know I've done before but wanted to confirm)
Kids both said "totally fine" "glad to hear you are finally dating", ("finally?" ouch)
and "mom, it's no big deal". And then D20 said "thank GOD you're dating someone who treats you well!")
a little bittersweet^^ but mostly sweet. And some of their cousins will be there so they have millennials and "their people" too.
It's a group setting and the first real "gathering" I've hosted since moving into my place.
Yay!
I did give it a lot of thought. Thing is I don't want to "overthink it" (as my brother said).
Meeting some of my HUGE family of extroverts (as M did 2 nights after Thanksgiving) - by adding a few "extra folks" is not the same as "presenting" someone to them.
They know the difference, so does M, and so do my kids.
My family likes him, btw. They say he "Seems very kind/smart" but hey, if my kids notice something I have "overlooked", I'll listen.
S31 already asked about projecting too much onto M and I said "that's exactly what we discuss in DivorceCare and I was absolutely guilty of that in the m. Good point, but one which I'm aware of."
DBers, if anything, I'm over scrutinizing M for any red flags while also trying to just go with the flow and enjoying our time together.
M and I may well be like those passengers on a plane crash who help each other navigate through a horrible time, but are not meant to be together. And I'm quite okay with that.
so I think I'm doing okay.
Back to being MORE than okay and helping my kids see the new me and faking it till I make it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
