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A Message from Michele
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#2400605 - 11/04/13 04:43 PM Re: The Four Phases of SSM Recovery [Re: sbrass]
Accuray Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/11
Posts: 2360
sbrass,

You have my deepest sympathy, that's a terrible story! The only reason I can understand seeing you stay in a no-sex marriage is because (1) the rest of the marriage is extremely fulfilling and meets your needs and/or (2) the sex just isn't that important to you.

That said, it sounds like the sex IS important to you, and it's hard to imagine being in a fulfilling marriage with a spouse who claims to have NO desire for you and is in fact gay.

I have to ask why you would stay in that marriage? At the very least I think you owe it to yourself to do a trial separation to make sure that staying is the right decision. If she's gay, she's gay, that's not going to change no matter what happens.

Acc
_________________________
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015

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#2400769 - 11/04/13 10:23 PM Re: The Four Phases of SSM Recovery [Re: Accuray]
DaddyLongShanks Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/10
Posts: 2257
Originally Posted By: Accuray
sbrass,

You have my deepest sympathy, that's a terrible story! The only reason I can understand seeing you stay in a no-sex marriage is because (1) the rest of the marriage is extremely fulfilling and meets your needs and/or (2) the sex just isn't that important to you.

That said, it sounds like the sex IS important to you, and it's hard to imagine being in a fulfilling marriage with a spouse who claims to have NO desire for you and is in fact gay.

I have to ask why you would stay in that marriage? At the very least I think you owe it to yourself to do a trial separation to make sure that staying is the right decision. If she's gay, she's gay, that's not going to change no matter what happens.

Acc


She could be "gay" and not have attraction towards the male... However she as a friend and relationship partner could decide to physically allow him access to copulate her. It might not be her favorite activity to do, but she might find it out of the kindness of her heart to think that her husband should recieve this guesture. She might even come to enjoy that he is being pleased through the activity.

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#2769638 - 11/30/17 04:05 AM Re: The Four Phases of SSM Recovery [Re: DanceQueen]
mindtopia Offline
New Member

Registered: 03/29/13
Posts: 1
Loc: Maine
I've been in phase 1 for a VERY long time. 11 years and he won't even talk to me about the subject no matter how I bring it up in a loving way. I know I need to order and read Michele's book, The Sex Starved Wife but at this point I am not sure I want to work it out most days. I am 51 and time is a wasting. My 40's GONE!!!! I am not even sure at this point he isn't withholding to be abusive knowing it bothers me. I've went years without saying a word hoping he would come around. Confused and ready to leave but I'll open my heart and make more changes but I HAVE to put a time limit on this. I am not waiting around to let someone else decide my future any longer. Heartbroken really!!!

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