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Joe2017 #2775527 01/16/18 05:40 AM
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You're getting a lot thrown at you right now FC, and I don't you could handle things any better.


M: 42
W: 39
Married: 13 Together: 18
Kids:10,8
BD 1: 2/2013
Reconciled: 9/2013
BD 2: 10/2017
Separation from MH: 12/2017
Verum #2775538 01/16/18 08:22 AM
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Wow, what a crazy thing to happen in the middle of everything else!
Sounds like you handled it quite well.

Originally Posted By: FastCars
I read the above and don’t see how anybody can believe it.


Can believe what, that the accident wasn't her fault?


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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It must be so hard to go thru that on top of everything else you've got going on. I'm glad W is ok.


M:23 T:26
Me:53, Wife: 60
S:18
D:16
filed 7/16
W moved out 4/28/17
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Thanks Hispeed, Joe, Subitai, Jim, and AS. I guess deep down I still love her and hence all the emotion at seeing the accident. I do think I handled it with dignity. Two of W's friends were there with me, and I'm sure they'll be talking about this and conveying to W what I did and didn't do.

Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Can believe what, that the accident wasn't her fault?


AS, I meant people would find it difficult to believe that I was the first one on the scene to go to the car. I mean, what are the chances?

As a post-script, we had separated our bank account prior to her filing for D. From now on our finances are separate, and she is burning through her half fast. Buying a new car will come from her half. She is also having some expensive dental work done that is mostly not covered by our insurance.


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Verum #2775560 01/16/18 10:24 AM
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FC....sorry to read about your W but glad she is ok. You definitely handled yourself with dignity and class. It shows your true character!


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
TBSakaJ9 #2775687 01/17/18 10:25 AM
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The day after the accident I get a text message asking me to go get stuff out of the wrecked car. Then my phone rings and my W asks if I can come because they won't let her in the car because its in my name. So I go and the car was a total wreck, and the tow truck guy said how amazing it was she was un-injured. She got some stuff, and then we parted ways. She didn't look too good.

After work I went home and did crossfit. My W skipped because she is too sore to exercise. She was on the phone with insurance agency. I am letting her do everything herself. She doesn't ask for help and I don't offer. She did some work on her computer and then went to sleep early. She did look fatigued.

I did some reading and went to bed early too. Unfortunately, while I fall asleep easily enough, I've been waking up at like 2 or 3 in the morning and then cannot fall asleep again. So when morning comes around I'm tired and don't want to get out of bed. In the morning everybody was gone before I got up and went to work.

I got some good support from some friends that they are there for me, willing to talk, etc. They also said they don't want to choose between us. This made me feel better.


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Verum #2775828 01/18/18 08:56 AM
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The W sent me a text yesterday saying she was going to get a car, any thoughts? I suggested a Honda Civic (what she had) or a Volkswagen Jetta. She replied she would get an Accord because it was only a little bit more money. She came home that evening with a new car. She gave me one copy of the keys in case I ever need it. I looked at her car, said how exciting, and I asked if I could test drive it. I drove it with her for about 5 or so minutes.

She told me she put some money down and will have a monthly car payment. We had split our banking accounts and I know exactly how much she has. Between the car and some dental work uncovered by insurance I know money will be tight for her. I was actually surprised with her choice of car. I thought she would go for a BMW because all of her good friends have one, but she must have realized it was out of reach for her as a single person.

After dinner she asked me to recount what happened because her memory is spotty between when the accident started and when her two friends and I arrived at the hospital. I recounted what happened to her and what I did. She gave me a long and firm hug afterwards.


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Verum #2775836 01/18/18 09:17 AM
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That actually sounds pretty encouraging.


Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s
M:11 T:13
S, D, both 7-10
BD : 11/2017
Separation : 1/18
Verum #2775839 01/18/18 09:22 AM
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FC, you sound like a great dude with a level head on his shoulders. Your reaction to the accident shows who you really are. I'm sure your W is seeing these things in you too, but there's no knowing if she's willing to see them for what they really are.

Keep on being you!


Me-47,XW-43
S13,S16
M:18
BD:4-23-17
W filed:7-17-17
(5 months of in-house separation hell)
W moved out:1-6-18
D granted:2-15-18
Decree signed:3-29-18

Your future is out there. Go find it.
Holding #2775867 01/18/18 11:36 AM
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If I have learned anything, it is not to read too much into each interaction. If you google "systems thinking iceberg" you'll see an idea in which events or interactions are what stick out of the water. Underneath the water are the patterns of behavior. It is the patterns of behavior that matter.

Anyway, enough philosophizing. Soon after I made the post I was contacted by the Court for our first mediation date. Which means my W contacted the court this morning to set up the date. So she's going full-steam ahead.

Whenever something happens in the D case, it knocks me down, it's depressing.


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