Didn't see you start a new thread. I just posted on the previous one.
I can't think of anything you've done since you started DBing like a champ that would give your W the idea that you're going to be her 'friend'. Aside from the high fives from the other day.
I told my W about not being her 'friend' 2 months back when I basically forced the huge temp check, and I also reiterated that when we talked on the phone couplea weeks back. I only reiterated it because she wanted me to be 'authentic' and share what I was really thinking and be upfront. So, I did in a cool calm fashion.
The way I kinda enforce this boundary right now is that I don't engage in any chatter with her, in person or over text, that I would consider 'friendly chit-chat'. For example, she told me stuff about what she did on the weekend with kids intermixed with some stuff about our D. I just responded to the stuff about D and didn't engage in any chit chat about the other stuff.
I still sit with her during some of our kids activities, but I rarely engage in small talk. If she asks me questions, I answer as if some acquaintance was asking me and give the appropriate response. Also, do it in a cool calm way with a smile so it's not coming off as angry.
But maybe limit your chit chat with her when you see her. See how that goes.
I think at this point as LH said, if she files for D or if you do, that is a good time to let her know what the future relationship will look like, and that doesn't include being buddies. The only other time would be if she brings up R talks and depending on the convo, you can bring it up.
Thanks M, that is kind of where I am at with it. The chit-chat is rather minimal and always initiated by her. The chit-chat is always about our D; our something related to them. It is never about her or me. Last night most of the chit-chat was around Christmas presents, what to get them, who plays with what, how to make it look like we have more presents this year, etc.
When I got them this morning the chit, chat was about our D's lice, how nasty it is, going to wash their sheets, keep me posted, I am going to have the nurse check my hair, we also had some chatter about what kind of soap to get them to remove/kill the lice.
It's not like I am reaching out and engaging in conversation. I am friendly, upbeat when I am around her but usually just follow her lead on the conversations. Just not sure what has caused her to act more open and friendly with me. It is definitely a change.
Just not sure what has caused her to act more open and friendly with me. It is definitely a change.
It's because your'e not applying pressure and she feels more comfortable around you. That's why you have to be careful she doesn't become too comfortable and you become the male girl friend.
Man I was sooo proud of myself today. Stayed home with my D's that got lice, threw them in the shower used the lice killing shampoo, combed out their hair, inspected thought I got them all. I asked them several times if they were itching both said they felt good. W comes over after work to pick them up, I told her to inspect within 3 minutes she determines I didn't get them all........uggh you have to be kidding me! Man do I feel like crap! She is taking them to the professional removers tomorrow.
Don't beat yourself up J. 2 years ago both of my kids got lice and we had to do multiple treatments to get them out. It didn't go away with one treatment and I checked them multiple times. In the end, I cut both of their hairs really short and then did a final treatment and check and it was all gone. Those lil buggers are getting resistant to treatment. Sorry, feel your pain. Lice is a total B. Hope your D's are rid of it soon.
Hey M...yeah things are good. Just trying to get comfortable with the new W and being nice.
Getting up tomorrow morning and playing basketball with the group of guys I have been playing with for about 12 years. Right after BD I stopped playing because I couldn't focus. Those were the days I couldn't even mow the yard without crying. It feels good to get back into the swing of things.
You are doing great. Sounds like you worked hard on those lice. You did your best thats all that matters. Don't be yourself up. You showed you care in put in the work to the best of your ability.(that's love).
Keep the road home paved smooth. No pressure.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
