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V, great goals for the new year!


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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Dear Vanilla

Thanks for your comments and care. We are all totally fine now. I will change custody arrangements and all will be well. I live a very happy and peaceful life now. Plenty to do in terms of friends and family and, of course, work.

Like you I felt in part ‘it’ was all my fault as I was told how ‘it’ and ‘this’ was the problem - very regularly. And that I didn’t care, she didn’t matter to me, I was not there for her etc. All of this was staple diet of her ‘case’. The reality, I think is she went WW and I got the abuse and confusion and of course rage that comes with that.

I didn’t see it but you pointing this out and others such as Job, Sandi explaining the patterns of behaviour in such sitch’s helped. Kind of giving me a basic understanding of this alien life.

When you step back it is so much clearer. It’s just a rollercoaster invented for the ride. The choice is whether to take a ride or not. And if you have, do you like it enough to stay on. If not. Get off. All generic stuff we have all heard or ready many, many times. But it is really that simple.

I expect I will move on 100% soon. I am getting there. I rarely have feelings for STBEX that are any different than those I might have for a neighbour. I don’t find her attractive as a person or a female but I do care if that makes sense.

Having been dating for sometime I am also comfortable that it’s not me (our MGC said that it was her in front of us both - highly controversial but I understand why she did now). I played my part in the problems in our R but her decisions and actions were hers. Of course, they are white washed now and the magnifying glass is on my actions. Yet those that know me know the truth. But hey, I am sure her R with OM really didn’t happen and if it did it wouldn’t have been a problem (such is the history Re-writing way of the WW and abuser)!

I am very comfortable with me being a nice and kind person and not a horrible person pretending to be nice to curry favour - her story it seems.

I do miss the marriage and family R I thought we had. I expect it didn’t exist how I saw and felt it. I also have wondered if her abuse was a temporary thing. But I expect from the book and feedback from Patricia Evans that this is highly unlikely. It is more likely a learned behaviour and a coping mechanism or habit which I can now trace back to a few months into our relationship (from 1998). There were times of extreme provocation, me trying to escape arguments/rages (by sleeping in cars, locking myself in bathrooms etc). It’s quite comical, looking back - but typical from what I understand.

Anyway. I am happy. So are the kids and my family and that’s all that matters.

Like you I have blown some serious cash on this separation to date. With the settlement it will be a terrifying sum I am sure. But every penny is worth it. Not just for me, but the kids too (mostly - I took so much for so long trying to make it work and protect them, ultimately I did). I feel like an amazing Dad when I look at how I have handled things.

So I hold my head high. Sat on the tube, heading into town. It’s a Mummy day. Time for Me to spent time with a special lady I met some time ago.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Your goals for 2018 are ambitious and amazing, just like you, lady V. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for you as I know you have wonderful things coming your way. What joyous news that beautiful niece is having a baby to add to your family. Much love from me and Molly! Happy 2018, dear lady.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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There has been several drive bystanders.

The G has not gone back to Italy yet. Something is afoot.

It will unfold in time.

A cheque I sent as part of his settlement is still sitting in Italy at a post office after having been rejected by the occupant of the house whose address he uses.

It's the BIT address.

Now isn't that interesting

They have moved (strange since in Sept he was claiming to have paid 12 months rent in advance) BTW it's her address at the Italian Land Registry ?

They have split up

If it hadn't been delivered then the po tracker would not say rejected, would it?

Oh what jinx

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Who knows what the explantation is?

Moved?

Split?

Weren't living there in the first place?

Delicious

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Surfer

I am delighted you have a special lady friend, well deserved and I am thinking a much better R.

You are certainly growing and developing, and one of the routes is to post here to newcomers. It isn't for every LBS to stay around although there is enormous post traumatic growth in posting this way, it solidifies your knowledge and pays it forward.

For me it has really helped with detachment and observation. I sometimes find the sitches of the distressed newbies trigger me and that too is a useful guide. It's part of my path to recovery.

Shift gives me great joy when I observe growth and personal development in extraordinary ways. There are truly remarkable peeps here. And to see graduation to R or acceptance is spiritual.

I would like to say that the downfall of the G (when it comes as it surely will) is not going to surprise me or shock me. Of course I will be to blame, as I always am. By fighting his fin case I have reduced his settlement from me to a minimum although it's a great chunk of change. Why should a man who I was M for 9 months walk away with half my assets? Especially when he has gambled all his, had OW galore, abused me, orally raped me and run off to Italy to be with an ex stripper?

I also believe he did great harm to his first wife. I know so because he told me that once to frighten me.

A friend recently offered to teach me to shoot so I can get a gun license. I have no such intention of course but it's an amusing thought to post on FB.

I am less afraid these days and as time goes on I feel much calmer.

My life is peaceful and I have no special person......

Frankly not even looked, my heart is closed for business, although a little physical lovemaking might help. Like Zues I think I may not be partner material, and in any case I doubt any sane male would be interested (especially Liam). I still have weight to lose, I am deep in studies and I am trying to turn my business around. My finances are just dire, overdrafts, loans and legal debts. In all I am busy happy and my days are full of learning.

I am determined to be super fit. Today I did a zombie run which was awesome. I have made my decisions to do another pin up session and put myself forward for some fitness contracts. I made some serious cash on that in my 20s wearing clothing for catalogues, although no one ever saw the whole of me! Mainly feet in shoes and trousers. A colleague at the gym works for an agency who specialises in third age models. There is a long way to go though before that.

These are very ambitious goals. I don't think I have bitten off more than I can chew, who can tell.

My sense of humour has returned, I rank that as a good sign.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Originally Posted By: Dawn70
Your goals for 2018 are ambitious and amazing, just like you, lady V. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for you as I know you have wonderful things coming your way. What joyous news that beautiful niece is having a baby to add to your family. Much love from me and Molly! Happy 2018, dear lady.


Thank you Dawn.

Perhaps 2018 is the year we might meet?

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
My sense of humour has returned...


Oh no! That's the problem with Brits; they don't even know how to spell humor. I think the ancient Mesopotamians were actually the inventors of British humour, and that was at least a decade prior to the first episode of Monty Python.

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Hi Lady V , firstly I think you are a great catch and any guy ( even Liam) would be lucky to have you in their life.

Secondly any goals you set i have no doubt you will achieve. Look what you have had to deal with and dealt with it you did.

I'm glad your feeling a bit safer, in my experience, bullies like your H are big on talk but aren't always ready to follow through. A call to the local police re the drive bys might be in order. Never hurts to have documented proof.

The important bit i took from your post was the word happy. Fins, etc will be resolved and hopefully soon, then lady V can have the weight of H off her for good.

Take care , Rd

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V- The G conned you from the beginning. He is a professional con artist. I believe this is his M.O. Sadly, nor do I think you are the last victim.I hate him for doing this to such a lovely sweet lady. I hate him even more for giving you such a horrible body image. You are datable no matter what size. I hope to God yous et those fitness goals for YOU and for the love of fitness, not to obtain some body your ex felt you should have had, society feels you should have.

Do what you want to do to make you feel good, to be healthy, but not because you find yourself not up to any guys standards.

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