WAS OR WHAT 10

[roist]

I am a naturally reflective person, but recently I have been reflecting more than I care to about my situation. Maybe I am approaching a crossroads with a decision to make. Idk. Or it could be the fact that I am three years into my journey though my M is in crisis for five years or so.

I am here two and a half years. I have learned a lot. I have made some friends, though many don't post anymore.

Naturally I have compared my situation to others here. Technically that serves at nothing as even two identical situations are different, due to it being two couples different. But still we have all done that.
Since being here I have followed live many different stories:
# some made progress but fell short in saving their m (to date)
# others had real rollercoaster rides going from hopeless to hopeful and back and forth before separating or piecing.
# other people came back to here because after separation the WAS finally contacted to come back.
# many have passed through D.

I think the path I followed was the right one for me. However I cannot help to think about that if we had separated three years ago, I would definitely have gotten over that by now and rebuilt a life for me. Just a thought.

Yet here I am three years later. I don't regret that time nor that choice. But I am not sure how much longer I will want to live in a half-mariage. I have expressed that before, so I guess I am cycling. I don't want an in house separation either, though if certain ground rules were respected that would probably be easier than pretending to be happy living like this.

Bottom line of a long ramble is this isn't how i want to live. I had a W free weekend last weekend and in many ways that was better than when she is here. I don't want to separate but honestly i don't find the thought of it upsetting and I can see the appeal.

I use this forum to express my WAS thinking so I can let it out, so I can concentrate on other stuff.

Thanks for reading.

Best wishes

[bttrfly]

Good morning Roist,
You've been through quite a lot, and have held steady even when you didn't want to. I'm sure this bit of cycling will come and go and you will be on the other side of it wiser and more sure of what you want than you are at the moment.

I can tell you, as someone who failed at saving her marriage -

* is there peace now? Yes. but i truly wish i could have learned these lessons a different way and kept my family intact.

* it is a major effort to make sure we all don't divorce from each other - son, exh and me. I'm sure my boy feels it even more keenly as he has no siblings, but he's also older and remembers a loving happy family life.

* you don't get over it. you learn to live with it. you learn to accept, but "getting over" - no, that isn't what happens in my experience, or in my observations

* start living the way you want to live. You never know - your wife might find that so attractive that she joins you there.

Yes, you need to let it out. keep sharing

xoxoxo

[Gordie]

Roist,

I wish you the best. You truly have fought the good fight but only you know when it is time to end it. You have supported me in my journey and I hope I have been able to return the favor. Seeing where you are, do you wish to tell your w your current thinking, before you pull the plug?

[mutatio]

Roist, Hello old friend, I hope all is well by you. I felt the urge to look at my old posts and I saw that one of the last posts on my thread was by you on Halloween of last year. Sorry I did not respond.

I am well, living my life and enjoying my kids. My wife wants to divorce after my son graduates high school next June. Life in the house with her is not bad but there is nothing between us.

Your last post was interesting. What are you thinking?

I will check back and see if you are still active, either way, be well my friend

[roist]

Hello mut' It is good to hear from you. I will check on your thread for an update.

Best wishes

[roist]

Happy thanksgiving everyone.

[job]

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

[roist]

Hi all. It's been a while since I checked in here and even longer since I posted on my thread.

This will be a short post too. I would love to report back all the big improvements in my situation but there aren't many. ..... yet!!! That being said I have seen many small signs that I wrote as mini signs of improvement. I appreciate noticing these but overall this isn't the way I want to live. Nothing new there. I will create a new thread someday and outline things better.

Other aspects of my life have seen bigger changes with more coming online shortly. That's good.

My situation continues to hold me in a cage. I have grown. I am much stronger but having a live-in MLCer and maintaining a life "together" is a restricting. I am living a fuller life than before so this isn't stopping me but sometimes I feel like I am straining to snap the chains that bind me. In many ways I feel like a WAS eager for that better life. Yet I am still here. I have distanced a lot more mostly because I don't enjoy our poor quality time together. Without interpreting my W is still here too.

Anyway just wanted to drop by and say hi. Overall I am doing OK. I read up on some of the "old" posters and noticed a lot of new ones. Best wishes to ye all

[SBJ]

Great to hear from your Roist. You and your wife are in my prayers daily. All we can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Keep up the good work...and if it can't be good then just keep working.

[Gordie]

Roist

Why do you feel more trapped

I know the feeling

Glad to hear about the positive developments

Please post more when you have time