My Wife told me she felt as thou she couldnt make me happy as well.
What she was trying to tell me was she didnt feel safe of being herself around me because I was always trying to fix her. She just needed a person to listen to her and since I was trying to fix her, she saw me as always having a problem with her.
On the flip side, when she would identify a problem with me I would get defensive. So in her mind, there was no making me happy. She wasn't good enough.
So I just started listening to her. I shut up and just listening. And then I started validating, I didn't care if I thought she was wrong. Then I started apologizing for all the things I truly did wrong. I identified how I hurt her and what she held resentment towards me and I apologized for those. Her walls came down and then I had a chance to give my perception and my true feelings. The reasons why I was so defensive and the reasons why I though I was helping by providing solutions.
I had to allow her to feel safe aroind me before I had a chance to try and convince her I was safe for he from open up around. I hope that helps.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
W has so much anger still (she admitted it in a conversation a few days ago) and has to deal with her depression, that it reminds me of how this is a marathon and not a sprint.
I would say to just hang in there. If you are ever going to build a R back I think it starts with both of you getting over the anger and frustration first. Once that happens maybe you guys start opening up to each other and you work on building a friendship. Not where you are the erand boy but her starting to open up and engage in more conversation. Then maybe that leads to some innocent flirting, small jokes, stuff like that. I think you have to build the attraction all over again. You looking good, getting in good shape, and since you are not pursuing then maybe it leads to her starting to see you in a different light, you become smokin hot again. Your playing hard to get so that attraction starts to build.
I could be totally off base but I kind of feel this way with my W.
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Her timeline is not my timeline and if she doesn't ever deal with her stuff, I cannot go back into a MR that was the same. So, back to Maika doing his own thang and getting in groovy shape and mental strength.
Word!
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This just made me realize that I can't have any more of these types of convos with W. Emotional setback tonight, but tomorrow I am pumping some iron and getting back on the horse.
Thats how you start to build the attraction.....getting jacked, letting go and she will see what she's missing.
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Thanks J for tonight and for everything. I am a bit bummed but will pick it up tomorrow.
No worries man....I just got out of the gym myself!
