Thanks AS! I look at what you share about your current life and it gives me great hope and strength to take my life by the horns and make it what I want it to be. You sound happy and content with your life and your R with your GF sounds healthy and full of life.
Just to give 100% disclosure here, everything is fantastic but I do struggle with making the R permanent. My GF is awesome, she is full of energy and thinks I hung the moon and I do love her a lot. Despite the age difference we have a lot of shared interests and we have a blast doing them. I'm an extrovert and love attention anyway, so the age difference is actually amusing to me, I love to see people's reactions when we're out together. Anyway all of that is great but after having been BD'd and gone through S and D, it is really hard to lower those walls again. REALLY hard. I keep her at arm's length and insulate myself from the risk of another BD. That's not fair to her, but we've talked about it and at least so far she's been accepting. I keep thinking that maybe we just need more time but we've been together almost 3 years!! So yeah, the effects of a broken M don't go away quickly or easily!
Quote:
Yeah I am not trying to lose weight drastically. I don't have much to lose so I'd have to starve myself to get the 10 other pounds off lol. The weight loss is a combination of me getting physically active and changing my diet to improve my blood sugars and bring it under control.
Excellent! Congrats on your weight loss! I got a little soft around the middle around Thanksgiving so I've been cutting too. Have lost 5 pounds since then. Another 5 and I'll be down to around 12% bodyfat, so that's my target. I was there about a year ago and really liked how I looked, was getting compliments from men as well as women Then my scale broke and ignorance was bliss, hahahaha!
Quote:
I am wondering if I should change my approach with her. Not with the aim of seeing if it leads to recon or anything, but just in generally to show her that I am a different person.
She predicted that I was going to remain angry with her and cut her out of my life - which is how I have survived in the past when close people have betrayed me. Unfortunately, that has happened and led me to built survival skills for emotional protection.
Well you know we always say you can't "nice" her back, but I firmly believe you have even less of a chance to "mean" her back, LOL! I think you've got to strike a balance. You don't want to fawn all over her and be Plan B, but you definitely don't want to be cold/ indifferent/ uncaring either. Friendly neighbor is the best approach I think. Benito was/ is a master at it and it really paid off in his sitch.
Just to give 100% disclosure here, everything is fantastic but I do struggle with making the R permanent
That's understandable. Just thinking about a new R and making it permanent looks like horror movie to me right now. I was just commenting on you finding contentment after the abyss. That's definitely something to aspire for.
Quote:
Then my scale broke and ignorance was bliss, hahahaha!
LOL! That's precisely why I just bought a new scale because I knew I had lost weight, just didn't know how much. The old scale got lost during the separation process somewhere.
Quote:
Well you know we always say you can't "nice" her back, but I firmly believe you have even less of a chance to "mean" her back, LOL! I think you've got to strike a balance. You don't want to fawn all over her and be Plan B, but you definitely don't want to be cold/ indifferent/ uncaring either. Friendly neighbor is the best approach I think. Benito was/ is a master at it and it really paid off in his sitch.
Yeah I am realizing that I need to strike a balance. I am pretty black and white with this stuff and upon reflection I think that the last month or so I have probably come across as cold and uncaring. Certainly not the image that I want to project. I think I was just struggling to be around her in the last two weeks and so it's not been the greatest. But, I am in a better mindset now and I don't want to fulfill her prediction of me being angry and hateful etc. Obviously if there is an OM confirmed at any point, then that throws this out of the window.
I will have to channel my inner Benito and be that friendly neighbor without being overly enthusiastic and turning into Plan B. Plus I look much hotter now than a few months back with the weight loss and new haircut and getting my muscles more jacked up
hahaha... Thanks J for the vote of confidence 10-15 more pounds to go and i'll be at very low body fat percentage.
Will hit up some bars/pubs in the New Year and interact with some ladies to get all this confidence up. My aim is to be at the beach this summer, loving my time with the kids, and showing all dem single ladies what hot sexy DadBod can look like. Those Abs should speak for themselves lol.
If you hit up the bars make sure you stick to vodka, that beer will pack it on! Also, lay off all those fancy dinners you make also Own that dad bod M!
One of my personal trainer friends, and she is in effin' terrific shape and damn hot, told me something that I will never forget - Abs are made in the kitchen.
Clean eating is such a huge part of it. Don't worry, all my fancy dinners are still pretty good, but I need to lay off all that cheese, bread, and pasta.
That Dad Bod is coming bro! Sounds like yours is coming along nicely too.
So, I put the friendly neighbor theory into practice and channeled my inner Benito last night.
I had to go to W's place for a couplea things and she invited me in. Previously I would have declined but I accepted and we spent some time doing small chit chat and I was cool and calm and we shared a few jokes and laughs. No R talks and nothing too serious. I wasn't on edge and it seemed to make her relax as well.
When I left she asked me if she could give me a hug. We haven't touched each other in months now and I stopped initiating the hugs a while back because it just felt dumb. I wasn't going to initiate and bring them back. Anyways, that was nice and I just left.
She texts me later that night (I saw it this morning) that it was nice to see me and she'd like to do this again. She told me that when I was leaving and I said yes, it was nice and let's do it again. But, I ain't initiating [censored]. So, lets see if she wants to spend some more no-pressure time with me.
Before the DB police comes rolling in, I am just recounting what happened, not saying that my hopes are up or that I have expectations. I just want to do a 180 on not cutting people out and not being angry and hold grudges. But, she has to drive the bus and we'll see what happens.
In the meantime, I am still doing my thing and GALing and all of that. NC/Dark as well, unless she initiates stuff. I am getting the hang of it and will see how it works.
Had a positive interaction with her and she wasn't distant or mad or angry with me. So, that was nice.
We will do some stuff together for the kids the holidays. After reading Slater, I have decided to swallow my pride a little bit and participate in low key interactions that could help dissipate the anger on her part and mine as well. There is no sign of OM, so I am inclined to not give her the third degree treatment and be a little bit more open.
Keep the interactions low key and no-pressure and no R talks. Lets see how I feel about them and if I can handle them emotionally. I wasn't an emotional wreck last night, so that was good as it gave me a sign that I am slowly detaching.
Hey M...just so you know my W has not touched me in 7 months
I think everything sounds just fine, LH told me about a month ago that I entered the friend zone. IMO you are either dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. I also think having interactions like this are positive if for nothing else for the kids.
As long as you can handle them emotionally, don't read into the interactions as a sign she wants to recon, and have no expectations either way I think you are fine.
I don't think by doing this you will ruin your chances of recon. Some women are done no matter how hard you DB your a$$ off just keep it on the DL.
Then my scale broke and ignorance was bliss, hahahaha! 