Not a lot to update really. I saw her father again today, he seemed more aligned with me now he's spent the evening around her and the kids, it's not hard to notice her relationship with them.
Her sisters have had a bit of a go at her today so apparently it's all blown up, it seems she just expected them to forget a aman that has been their lives their whole lives and accept someone else without being upset.
She has now blocked her sisters on Facebook so they're pretty upset. I warned them this would happen.
I was sitting in the pub last night, and a couple were beside me talking about their relationship, she was asking for space and to move out, he just kept talking and talking. I desperately wanted to lean over and say, let it go mate, if it's meant to be it will be, but right now you're just driving her away. Hindsight is a wonderful thing...
I feel I'm at a cross roads right now. I either truly move on and let go of any hope of reconciliation in the future, or I keep some hope alive. I think it may take a while to figure which one is the right choice...
Or maybe not, if I look in my heart, I always knew who she was deep down. Thinking I could ever be with her again is just trying to hold on to what I've lost. I'm young enough to have a shot at another life with someone else in the future, and I think I'll choose the unknown. Here's a passage that I read that really helps me:
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. "
I saw her father again today, he seemed more aligned with me now he's spent the evening around her and the kids, it's not hard to notice her relationship with them.
Her sisters have had a bit of a go at her today so apparently it's all blown up, it seems she just expected them to forget a aman that has been their lives their whole lives and accept someone else without being upset.
You see now that it doesnt really matter who is on 'your' side and who is on 'her side. Nobody that is 'aligned with you' is going to convince her of anything - she will just block them out.
Thats why I think it's best to just her family go as well. It [censored] for sure, but my guess is that in the end, they are going to choose her over you.
Yes you're right. They will and probably should choose her over me as she's their family. By getting involved I'm just holding on to what's already long gone. I felt slightly positive about the future for the first time today, I really have forgotten who I am being in this relationship. She made her choice, and I think I've made mine. It wasn't what I wanted but there is a new life to be had which isn't centred around my wife.
Haven’t been on in a while. Things have just gone from bad to worse. She had me arrested back in November as I was outside the house asking why she had him around the kids. She lied and thankfully my kids told the truth to the police so they let me go after 24 hours. This has caused a lot of problems for her now as the child care regulators are inspecting her and social services.
We have very little contact, I’ve seen her briefly two times. One was when she threw my son out the house and said she doesn’t want him to his face, the other was Xmas day, I said she could collect them at 3pm, she threw him out by 9pm. I let her try again Boxing Day, he ran away 3 hours later. She had the AP and his kids there unwrapping presents. She couldn’t even give them Xmas day with their mum.
Things have calmed down now, and hes settling in a bit better with her. The issue is the AP practically lives there. My daughter is struggling real bad emotionally, but she’s fine when she’s with me.
It was her 10th birthday yesterday so she had them overnight from 7pm, did she spend time with her daughter, nope took them to watch dog racing with him and his kids.
We start mediation soon, she initially didnt respond in time so I went via my L, she then responded so it should start soon. Ive told her the house is mine, and i’ll be giving her notice.
I am struggling more and more as each day passes. It’s all I think about 24/7, the hurt for me and my children eats me up inside. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I am struggling more and more as each day passes. It’s all I think about 24/7, the hurt for me and my children eats me up inside. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
LiamJ,
I'm sorry. It's stories like yours that makes me want to go out and kick some OM @ss.
It’s crazy that through all this I miss her so much. I hate that I do, but it’ll take a while to let go of 17 years. I guess I miss the women I thought I knew. More than that though I miss being a family.
Hi Liam, i hope you don't mind me posting on your thread. I've been on here about 4 years and been through some of your pain. I'm out the other side and just wanted to give some encouragement. I was 25 years with my exw so i have some idea of your experiance.
I've read through your posts and you are doing well with the c@ap you are having to face. The advice you have got on heae is invaluable and you seem to grasp that your W is not who she was and you need to keep contact to an absolute minimum for the time being.
As others have said , your children need to see a dad that puts them first and be their rock. Also this is a time for you to become the best you possible.
It will feel like this pain wont end but it will. Whatever the outcome you will be happy again. Easy for me to post but it's true. I didnt believe people when i was told this but i can honestly say im happy now.
What worked for me was letting go of any expectations and moving forward. I was lucky enough to get my 4 kids to live with me 24/7 and i dont entertain any comms from my W unless it relates to the kids. Also regarding the inlaws , i keep in touch but never mention EXW and they know not to mention her to me.
You have complete control of you and you alone, make good choices based on facts and not feelings. Stay calm with any dealings with W and be prepared to walk away if it gets heated. Always take the high road and act from the best you even if that doesn't feel 'good' because you want to be able to look back on this time without regret on how you acted.
