Any advice 4

[joejoe1]

GW,

You are right, time is your friend. You are right not to want to live in an open marriage as well. Get back on the horse. I understand those emotional moments and how they can knock us down. But they won't hold us down.

If she wants D, let her do the work. Start working on detaching today. No more R or M talks. Give her all the space she needs. Don't bring up OM at all. Let her focus on him. Its time you focus on you and not her and him. Back off all the way.

Tell her hi and bye, and only convo about the kids. After weeks and months of a change like this she will have no choice but to notice. But trick is, you becoming happy for real. Loving on your kids for real. Enjoying your life for REAL. No half a$$. You become positive. You start smiling and laughing around her. Telling silly jokes. She will test and try to bait you out of being happy and joyful. Dont let her. Keep smiling. Keep being happy. This is your way out. You are worried about you now.

[gw5263]

I just need to get my emotions in check and start all over. She still is active on the phone with OMand reuses to end it. She says she’s past the point of working on us and refuses to even attempt it. I know there is no point in trying now because of the active A. She still says she wants a D but has no plan at all. After her payments she will have 250 a month left to pay rent and utilities. She can’t go to him I’m Georgia because I refuse to sign an agreement for that and never will. So she has no real concept of what D will look like for her. I have retained a lawyer but she can’t afford one. She’s done the blame game this week, blaming me for making her have an affair. She also freely admitted that she feels sick if she doesn’t hear his voice daily. I took a good look at this and they are so far apart compatibility wise it’s not funny. He smiles, drinks, has animals in the house, and a motorcycle, all previously dealbreakers. I am going to try hard as I can tonfollow the advice Sandi gave me. Time for tough love and not emotional diagnosis. She is what she is, a lying manipulative ruthless wayward. Timentondealnwithnehr as such. Any tips, suggestions or 2x4’s are appreciated. At the beginning of the week it felt like I had gone as far as I could andnit was time to bail but I don’t feel that strongly about it right now.!whoever said this was an emotional rollercoaster was spot on. Sad one day, mad, frustrated, fed up, confident, then back to sad. Hard to keepnitnallnin check.

[joejoe1]

GW,

Maybe the reason she was attracted because he was the total opposite of you and her deal breakers. Thats not your worry.

Give her space. Dont tell her about how he's opposite. Let her figure out on her own what's not for her and what is. The more you try to convince this guy is for her to more you push her towards him.

From now on just STOP. When you about to engage your W, tell yourself STOP. That helps a lot. Your job is not to save her, but paved the road home smooth.

You are too worried about this OM, this makes you look weak. Look strong. Stop giving him so much jead space. I know it's hard. The faster you can move on and let go. MAYBE the faster your W comes back. But you have to stop forcing her to do what you want her to do. Almost every post you write you mention her and OM, that lets us all know, that's what you are focused on. Focus on yourself.

How are you doing? Whats your GAL? Whats your 180s? How are you detaching? Update us on you and only you for a few post. Let your W be.

[gw5263]

Joe joe she initiated the talk last night. I try not to focus on him or her but I find it wry difficult. My189s are great but right now my GAL are terrible. All I do is work and come home. Daysoff are spent doing things to the house or car and trying to catch up with a couple of shows I like. I really need to get out more.it feels so wrong to me to allow this to go on while I’m working on me but I know it’s the way it hastoe to achieve the end result. She’s brought up the D again and I guess it put me in a tailspin. Time to start over

[Tread]

Just go and file for a divorce. W either kicks OM to the curb or things continue. Regardless you will be free from this mess. Not focusing on her is a good thing, but she still gets to take advantage of being married to you.

[gw5263]

Sadly I don’t honk she will kick him to the curb. She told me she thought when I found out I wouldn’t care about it and I’d just give up and let her go. She said it shocked her when I began to fight for us. She’s had several opportunities to leave and hasn’t done so. I asked her what divorce looked like to her and she said we would be done and she could move on. She has not got the first idea what it will be like. She just says she’ll figure it out when it’s time. She did say one thing that sticks with me now. I asked what he did for her I didn’t..... her answer haunts me now. She said, all he did was pay attention.............

[Tread]

GW,

The craziest part of that logic is that sneaking around doesn't give you much time for attention. Like in my sitch the time W was communicating with this via text and quick calls was likely the same time or kess than I was giving her.

[gw5263]

Worst part of it is the fact that if she would have just said something we’d never been in the place we are in now. She thought I wouldn’t listen or didn’t care and didn’t bother. Just went on... she’s had every opportunity to stop it and tell me the issues rightup to the day I caught her. Thewayward took over and ran with it and runs to this day

[joejoe1]

GW,

Listen, she probably tried to tell a whole bunch Of times about her need for attention from you, but you didn't listen. We have all been there. Then your W went looking some where else for the attention she desired. Ok, you know this.

Stop blaming yourself. Pick yourself up and be a man. Get your self respect back. Your W might not want to be married to you today, but that can change in a month. Stop worrying about what she is saying right now. She is hurt, confused and giving her attention to OM.

Do you want a chance to save your M. If so, stop fixing cars at the house, fixing up the house, and get away from that house. Those things you are doing around the house seems to me like you are trying to keep tabs on your wife. Leave your W alone. Get a life. Save yourself so you can have a chance to save your M.

Please for the sake of yourself and a chance to save your M. Again a CHANCE to save your M, GAL, get away from that house.

What she does with the OM is not your business. And you are not ready for a D. Take time and properly DB. Properly detach. Please my man. Do these things for you. I know you can. You deserve to be happy.

[gw5263]

I understand what your saying. When I’m home she usually isn’t, due to my schedule. Most of my days off are during the week when she works. We are only off together every other weekend. When she comes home during the week she comes in changes and goes for a two hour walk to talk on the phone to lose boy. She comes in we all eat, and shortly after she goes to bed. So there’s not much to keep tabs on. They aren’t meeting up because he’s a thousand miles away.

Iknow I don’t need to worry about what she’s doing but a few things do concern me. The amount of her money that should be coming into the house that’s she’s spending on him, and the fact that she may very well have plans to take my kids and move in with him. These things concern me. I’m having difficulty with GAL because everyone I know is an hour or more away. But I’m going to work on that. I have a lot to do. I have been all over the map during this and I have to settle down and get to work before it’s too late. Thanks joe joe. I wish we were closer , I’d really like to have a sit down with ya..