Sending prayers. I'm sorry your H is such a POS. It's heartbreakingly disappointing to learn that about someone you invested in. I hope you are not internalizing his cr@ppiness.
I can not wait to see how you emerge from all this nastiness. I can't wait to see what shape your mightiness takes. It may take a little time for it to all come together but it will be fun to see.
Hugs to you, 25, you are a gem.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
he also texted our d's (out of the blue, I think) to say'
"I love you both very much. I will reach out to you after the divorce."
SMH. Guess when the "unpleasantness" settles and he hopes I'm screwed over, THEN he'll be very generous with them
and then THEY WILL WELCOME the "love of his life" -
or whatever. Bummer is now I can't say he's not reached out to them in over a year...
d20 texted back "lol".
I also wonder if h does not like the outcome, if he'll feel like reaching out so much.
Don't think he reached out to son, who has offered testimony in writing in the brief.
I like to think that h did not read out much the pleading and just signed it, b/c it's too painful to believe he read it and believed it.
Lots of other amazing things but I had to share the "burden" comment b/c it so deeply humiliated me, and so shocked me,
I mean that is some serious darkness.
NOW I can almost see why he'd cancel the life ins policy I paid for - in HIS world, murdering a spouse might be totally reasonable as an option. So he feared it??
Or just wanted to punish. Also accused me of hiding $400k in a 401k, which is crazy and impossible,
but indicates to ME, that it's something HE would do.
I used to project my positives onto him, way too much
so maybe he projects his negatives onto me.
Whatever. I think it's mudslide time. (The tasty kind, I mean).
Thank you all.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
A friend from an uglier than most divorces, said this to me:
"I know it hurts. Its amazing the spin that gets put on it all until you have a chance to take a look back and breathe. ...the stuff during the legal battle is crap and someone has to win by the other person losing..."
he has a point. H thinks that HE is under attack and that I must want it all, and at some level knows he does not APPEAR to be the hero in the narrative.
I'm not defending him and I won't bother trying to understand him again...
I just pray that I get a fair enough settlement buy out today (it's the only issue at the moment)
and can move on. Hard to imagine co-parenting in any meaningful way. Maybe if d20 is sick again but would she even want him to know? She didn't last time.
But SHE is the one who reaches out to him, however inarticulately. No matter what she says or what armor she wears - I believe she yearns to believe deep down that he loves her.
He11, I yearn to believe he loves her too. His texts of 16 months ago, said otherwise.
Okay I'm rambling nervously. I have a job interview tomorrow, so going to get my outfit ready and hair done.
thanks
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
though I have a date with G this weekend, which I said yes to awhile back, it's M that I think of a lot.
("L" is a Stella got her groove back" guy whom I wish I'm acted upon back then b/c now M is in the picture and things change).
So M told me a lot of feelings and one of them is that as he has left his 28 year m and 4 years of celibacy (I won't disparage his exwife -but it was at her end, and he had to use the guest room. I will explore this more as it relates to US, but in person).
he greatly values intimacy and wants it to mean a lot etc. I did not expect this remark.
He wants us to know each other well first, to be in person and take hikes and then start dance class lessons for us to see how we fit and work and learn together.
I'm not sure where the intimacy comes in there^^ but I want to know if he's a low sex drive person. I don't THINK he is but I need to get it out there.
Not sure how. I could just blurt it out (TA DAH! ZING!!)
I'm an extrovert and he's not. He's working on that b/c I told him that putting it out there is not something I am used to in the sense that I'm used to being pursued. It has been a long time granted, but I still go back to what I knew way back when,
And I don't want to put off a man who is used to doing the pursuing. But M is cerebral and deep, but sings and has a certain thoughtful sensitive approach to things and how he says them, that I appreciate.
I don't mean to be reactive, but I so appreciate the way he gives a compliment, like he puts thought into it and it's NOT about how attractive I am TO HIM, but that I give off a unique vibe of "joie de vivre he finds very appealing".
Now that, my friends, is a compliment for 25.
AND yes I can see that the$h1tstorm I'm in makes going to M appealing but I'm NOT.
I'm licking my wounds and job hunting and praying for a good outcome for court and for my kids.
And won't even see M for days. I will rescue myself from my hole. Or at least not use a man to do it.
What meeting other men does for me these days, however, is remind me that all the good things I once thought/knew I was, which were whittled away by the past 2 years of my life,
are things I am again believing about myself.
Not saying that = great recipe for a serious r, or marriage etc.
But sometimes maybe dating a little - always honestly - helps us heal.
IF IF IF it is done too soon, it'll do the opposite.
There is a dichotomy inherent in this.
On one hand, we have an armor around us and if someone new hurts us, we worry our armor is really just glass and that it will shatter.
OTOH,
I'm almost afraid to say this but - I don't see how another man can hurt me the way h has and I won't be investing 35 years and 3 kids and MANY moves for another man,
and I feel like forged steel. I will again give love freely, and if it's not returned in kind, I'll move along.
I love God more these days and rely on Him more, but the sensuality I feel within has to come from Him.
It's not a procreative urge (or if it is, it's literally divine) it's a unitive desire. Surely God gave that to me for a good and loving reason.
Well, here's to a loving Monday my friends. Wish me well today.
As for my dear brother J-, he's off to Sloan Kettering or a 3rd opinion to see if the whole kidney must go and what the heck is going on with the other kidney.
Naturally, I have drafter a proposed list of likely donors (siblings are best due to DNA matches and brothers slightly better matches).
Starting with brothers:
Ruled out the "off the grid/treated by shamans only" brother, who "refuses to use western medicine", though God bless him for volunteering,
Ruled out the Asperger's brother, for the obvious fears Asperger's "juice" could spill over;
possibly ruled IN the slothful brother - with the assumption his liver has been working so hard all these years that his kidneys are RELAXED and relatively unused,
should rule out the healthiest other brother with the terminally ill wife, -- for reasons obvious to all, (except the Asperger's brother, who forgot she was sick).
As for the sisters, we each stepped up to volunteer. Heaviest sister wants to know if it will count as weight loss;
but we have his back.
This brother of mine, this J, got a continuance during trial last year in order to spend the night with me in the hospital and give my sisters a break.
Heck yeah I'd give him a kidney.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm not sure where the intimacy comes in there^^ but I want to know if he's a low sex drive person. I don't THINK he is but I need to get it out there.
Not sure how. I could just blurt it out (TA DAH! ZING!!)
I'd have the same concern, 25. I can understand not wanting to jump into a physical relationship right away, but a guy who is planning in this much detail in advance - I dunno, just seems a little off to me. And low drive (or performance issues) might be an explanation.
Quote:
I'm almost afraid to say this but - I don't see how another man can hurt me the way h has and I won't be investing 35 years and 3 kids and MANY moves for another man,
and I feel like forged steel. I will again give love freely, and if it's not returned in kind, I'll move along.
This is how I've felt dating. Seriously, what's a little breakup compared to being abandoned by the person you've built your whole adult life with? There are plenty of men in this world and the LAST thing I want to settle for now is someone who doesn't dig me just the way I am. And I also don't feel like every relationship has to end up in marriage or a long term commitment - some might just be for a while, and that's ok too if it suits us both at that moment. All the usual petty dating hardships seem like very small potatoes after the blowup of a long term marriage.
Btw - I don't think it makes much sense for your ex to be claiming you should disability, when he was previously claiming he shouldn't have to pay you alimony because you were capable of going out and just getting a high paying job lol. Either he has a fool for a lawyer or he's the world's worst client.
