New thread with last 2 posts, to refresh memories/update
on an unrelated (back to MEEEE) topic
2 pieces of bad news yesterday
1) so h lives with Schmoopie. Same address and she has her kid(s?) so he has replaced me and our kids.
Like, semi officially I guess. It hurts. S31 says it "shouldn't hurt" but I corrected him on that and said "IT DOES HURT and I don't want to hear another comment about what I 'should'/should not' feel. I'm allowed to feel how I feel."
2) Worse...my fav bro, (the lawyer to whom h reached out), has cancer.
His Kidney is getting removed next week and they're exploring to see if the other kidney also needs removal or if it has spread elsewhere.
My Bro is the anchor for me. For all of us really. Yes he Always was my fav and - so what?
I just cannot imagine our family without him. He's my S31's Godfather, and for good reason.
He has 7 daughters, age 10 to 29. My SIL (his w) adores bro and she's a woman of substance, thank God. She will NOT bolt away.
Bro takes great care of himself too...so I'm pretty sure it bugs him a lot at some level. He was an AF pilot so maybe fumes or fuels got to him?? See? The search for the "why" is endless, isn't it?
And nope, life is not fair for sure.
His attitude, (which sets the tone) is funny and stoic.
He told his girls "hey so far it's just an extra organ I didn't need anyhow, and if there's more trouble to it, if I need a transplant - I have lots of siblings wasting their extras...and besides, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
he also said Meanwhile, I DO expect a 'surprise' birthday party with way better gifts than last time..."
God, the thing that makes bro a "great man" is not that he wants to be seen as one.
It's that he wants to BE one just for the sake of being his best. Not sure if that makes sense but, he's a great man.
In closing, I'm hoping for prayers for my heart
but mostly for my brothers "other kidney" and the surgeries to come.
What a week.
((( ))) _
Last edited by Cadet; 02/16/1809:20 AM. Reason: Link
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
How on earth could your WH replace you and your children? No way. He has placed a cardboard cutout in place a stunningly wonderful and witty woman. You should know that narcissist care about presentation, how they "appear" more than how they really are. So he wants to play the part but not put in the work. soon enough the shine will wear off and they will see the ugly truth.
As far as your brother goes, what an amazing man. How blessed you are to have someone this awesome in your life, how doubly blessed you share his blood. The Chinese have a belief that there is a red thread that connects people who love each other. The thread may stretch, tangle and get worn but it will never break. Ever. I wish I had deeper words but I have never been good at finding them at the right time. He sounds like a warrior. _________________________ M 8yrs T 11yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off June 28 2016-start piecing Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go DD6, DS4, DS1
Top Reply Quote Quick Reply Quick Quote Notify #2767383 - Yesterday at 03:45 PM Re: 25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 7 [Re: PsySara] 25yearsmlc Offline Member
Registered: Mon Apr 03 2006 Posts: 13325 Loc: CA- now East coast thank you all for your support; it means more than you know.
OKAY my brother - I visited him and we will hope for the best. He is a GOOD man. Fought to get his kids AND not care about CS. Like he'd pay even if he got them all the time.
He threw himself into parenting the way he threw himself into being an AF pilot and then when he got injured flying, he became a very good lawyer. He's a second dad, btw. Raised his 3 step d's, btw. He's a guy who "steps up to the plate" in every way.
AND he is an involved interested DAD...and a loving romantic FUNNY, Husband. F- cancer. I know He will make it. I just know this - but yeah, it's a wake up call for sure. Why are we waiting to hope someone who mistreated us to come back???
Carpe Diem, my friends, Carpe Diem!
On the OW and my h living together (for months, apparently) it makes me think he wants to settle with me so he can marry her. AND OR earn more $$ openly. Which is sleazy but leverage.
Objectiviely he's an idiot, but the rumors that men need women faster than the can possibly learn a thing from their first m, is just proved like this.
H is a walking talking posting cliche. And he Learned nothing from his mistakes. I think that is literally true. Makes the SAME exact errors. Fool.
I can (and damn it, I AM a woman only a fool would leave. And he's a fool. This OW is, I'm told, not much. She's not smart, she's sure as heck not funny (not like ME) and supposedly "they have nothing in common. Not a match made in heaven".
For THAT^^ he blew up our family??? Whatever.....NOT MY PROBLEM and btw, I say "thanks h, you did me a favor.
Yeah my EGO hurts but I have to believe it will not work out with "utter happiness after ever."
Yes I feel replaced but I know OW will never have our history or our children or our laughs or my smarts. Heard "he's up into her ass" and I don't even want to know what that means, but I was not a low sex drive woman. Oh the irony.
I'm not sure what that^^ means except their chemistry. We once had that too, and I still felt it for him (usually. NOT always). are He burped and he scratched his genitals (DOODLER< please no jokes Doodler) Thanks.
MY kids?? HOW?? Anyone with input on this, I'm open. What do I say when they tell me they have been replaced??
WHICH BRINGS ME TO DATING. UPDATE
Had an interesting talk with M tonight. (He knows about my brother w/cancer. M was helpful and kind.
As you know there are rules to dating in DC group AND M has to sell his home out of state. So he travels a lot.
But I am drawn to him and after a long hinting talk, I just asked him if he was ready to date. He is not - says it's the rules. THEN said he's interested however. AND said he would be by Jan 1.
So here is our plan, b/c we DO want to get to know each other.
FACTS:
1) We are both leaving LONG marriages.
2) And we want to keep our word to the group not to date, while group meets. (That's a rule or a lot of reasons)
So we thought we'd take a class together (dance lessons - ball room dancing) after DC group ends, about Jan 1.
Dance class is several weeks long and we will learn together. We will see how each one learns and teaches, how we will work together, how we will feel each other out. It requires a "date" a week, dinner after maybe.
After the (10 weeks?) is over we can choose where we want to go from there. Maybe we will just be better dancers and say good bye.
or maybe we will meet each other's families, and have a lot of chemistry to boot.
Maybe it'll be a strong relationship founded on a carefully built foundation.
My guess? It'll be a well founded r with a bubbling chemistry that develops over time and now and then, maybe before the dance classes end, it will spill over.
To me, this ^^ might be the best scenario I could have imagined.
At least IF/when my family meets him (IF) it'll be a "man I'm seeing" and not some guy they're seeing in a string of them.
Know what I mean? Are we being too careful? I would rather take it slow and build to a slow burning fire, than rush it and burn out, or end badly. I also love the learning together aspects.
We are both interested in getting to know each other, which we said out loud.
Neither of us is healed, but I believe that sometimes healing takes energy and activity IN OUR LIVES - to pushes out the other empty feelings. I'm not sure healing takes place while we sit in our living rooms.
And we want to keep our word to the Div Care group. (avoids group awkwardness among other things).
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
okay I did not do this right. Sorry for the confusion! psySara was talking to me below
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
25 - How on earth could your WH replace you and your children? No way. He has placed a cardboard cutout in place a stunningly wonderful and witty woman. You should know that narcissist care about presentation, how they "appear" more than how they really are. So he wants to play the part but not put in the work. soon enough the shine will wear off and they will see the ugly truth.
As far as your brother goes, what an amazing man. How blessed you are to have someone this awesome in your life, how doubly blessed you share his blood. The Chinese have a belief that there is a red thread that connects people who love each other. The thread may stretch, tangle and get worn but it will never break. Ever. I wish I had deeper words but I have never been good at finding them at the right time. He sounds like a warrior. _________________________ M 8yrs T 11yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off June 28 2016-start piecing Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go DD6, DS4, DS1
THEN ME thank you all for your support; it means more than you know.
OKAY my brother - I visited him and we will hope for the best. He is a GOOD man. Fought to get his kids AND not care about CS. Like he'd pay even if he got them all the time.
He threw himself into parenting the way he threw himself into being an AF pilot and then when he got injured flying, he became a very good lawyer. He's a second dad, btw. Raised his 3 step d's, btw. He's a guy who "steps up to the plate" in every way.
AND he is an involved interested DAD...and a loving romantic FUNNY, Husband. F- cancer. I know He will make it. I just know this - but yeah, it's a wake up call for sure. Why are we waiting to hope someone who mistreated us to come back???
Carpe Diem, my friends, Carpe Diem!
On the OW and my h living together (for months, apparently) it makes me think he wants to settle with me so he can marry her. AND OR earn more $$ openly. Which is sleazy but leverage.
Objectiviely he's an idiot, but the rumors that men need women faster than the can possibly learn a thing from their first m, is just proved like this.
H is a walking talking posting cliche. And he Learned nothing from his mistakes. I think that is literally true. Makes the SAME exact errors. Fool.
I can (and damn it, I AM a woman only a fool would leave. And he's a fool. This OW is, I'm told, not much. She's not smart, she's sure as heck not funny (not like ME) and supposedly "they have nothing in common. Not a match made in heaven".
For THAT^^ he blew up our family??? Whatever.....NOT MY PROBLEM and btw, I say "thanks h, you did me a favor.
Yeah my EGO hurts but I have to believe it will not work out with "utter happiness after ever."
Yes I feel replaced but I know OW will never have our history or our children or our laughs or my smarts. Heard "he's up into her ass" and I don't even want to know what that means, but I was not a low sex drive woman. Oh the irony.
I'm not sure what that^^ means except their chemistry. We once had that too, and I still felt it for him (usually. NOT always). are He burped and he scratched his genitals (DOODLER< please no jokes Doodler) Thanks.
MY kids?? HOW?? Anyone with input on this, I'm open. What do I say when they tell me they have been replaced??
WHICH BRINGS ME TO DATING. UPDATE
Had an interesting talk with M tonight. (He knows about my brother w/cancer. M was helpful and kind.
As you know there are rules to dating in DC group AND M has to sell his home out of state. So he travels a lot.
But I am drawn to him and after a long hinting talk, I just asked him if he was ready to date. He is not - says it's the rules. THEN said he's interested however. AND said he would be by Jan 1.
So here is our plan, b/c we DO want to get to know each other.
FACTS:
1) We are both leaving LONG marriages.
2) And we want to keep our word to the group not to date, while group meets. (That's a rule or a lot of reasons)
So we thought we'd take a class together (dance lessons - ball room dancing) after DC group ends, about Jan 1.
Dance class is several weeks long and we will learn together. We will see how each one learns and teaches, how we will work together, how we will feel each other out. It requires a "date" a week, dinner after maybe.
After the (10 weeks?) is over we can choose where we want to go from there. Maybe we will just be better dancers and say good bye.
or maybe we will meet each other's families, and have a lot of chemistry to boot.
Maybe it'll be a strong relationship founded on a carefully built foundation.
My guess? It'll be a well founded r with a bubbling chemistry that develops over time and now and then, maybe before the dance classes end, it will spill over.
To me, this ^^ might be the best scenario I could have imagined.
At least IF/when my family meets him (IF) it'll be a "man I'm seeing" and not some guy they're seeing in a string of them.
Know what I mean? Are we being too careful? I would rather take it slow and build to a slow burning fire, than rush it and burn out, or end badly. I also love the learning together aspects.
We are both interested in getting to know each other, which we said out loud.
Neither of us is healed, but I believe that sometimes healing takes energy and activity IN OUR LIVES - to pushes out the other empty feelings. I'm not sure healing takes place while we sit in our living rooms.
And we want to keep our word to the Div Care group. (avoids group awkwardness among other things).
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm not sure what that^^ means except their chemistry. We once had that too, and I still felt it for him (usually. NOT always). are He burped and he scratched his genitals (DOODLER< please no jokes Doodler) Thanks.
I take my joking very seriously. I would never be so insensitive as to joke about belching and scratching genitals. You must think I'm nuts.
Doodler, this is what I wrote, (below) and this is what I didn't feel like hearing a joke about b/c it's so very painful to me. Which you then made a joke about...
For THAT^^ he blew up our family??? Whatever.....
Yeah my EGO hurts but I have to believe it will not work out with "utter happiness after ever."
Yes I feel replaced but I know OW will never have our history or our children or our laughs or my smarts. Heard "he's up into her ass" and I don't even want to know what that means, but I was not a low sex drive woman. Oh the irony.
I'm not sure what that^^ means except their chemistry. We once had that too, and I still felt it for him (usually. NOT always). are He burped and he scratched his genitals (DOODLER< please no jokes Doodler) Thanks. We grew up together.
MY kids?? HOW?? Anyone with input on this, I'm open.
What do I say when they tell me they have been replaced??
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Doodler, this is what I wrote, (below) and this is what I didn't feel like hearing a joke about b/c it's so very painful to me. Which you then made a joke about...
25,
I'm so sorry! I have an attention issue so I normally only read the first few sentences of a given post, but I read all of that particular post. In addition, I seem to have poor impulse control, so when you asked me not to make a joke, well you know...
Last night I took my sons to a barbecue place called Dreamland. Over the restroom area they had a large red florescent sign that said "NO FARTING" (that's true). You can image how that turned out.
I write and perform comedy as an avocation. I definitely have a gallows sense of humor that has helped me immensely.
But there are times it distracts me, or makes me feel unheard.
This week- I felt a gut punch from my h, yet again.
Another new discovery of longer term infidelity. Another unknown, that I now know.
Another fact that still makes my stomach drop.
And my closest dearest brother was diagnosed with cancer of his kidney(s). I'm sad and incredulous.
My brother has already made the kidney pie jokes, and he is setting the tone for how we are to handle this until we have more information. I'm getting tested to see if I'm a match IF he needs a transplant down the road.
My brother J, is a great man and I do not use that word loosely.
He has 7 daughters and is married to a wife of substance, and she will stand by him as I would have stood, for my h.
The jokes will come later. I want to be allowed to be sad for awhile. Not to ruminate too much. But to FEEL what I feel.
Quick note
Not a subject for political debate people - just information that may relate to many of us
IF the new tax bill passes AND if it passes as it is now (2 big IFs)
alimony will not be tax deductible as of January 1, 2018.
This means some of you/us need to settle before then, to avoid tax consequences.
In MY case for instance, if h makes a buy out offer, BEFORE then, he can deduct the taxes from it. And I won't have to pay any.
IF he waits and stalls and stomps his feet some more, it'll cost him (and maybe me).
fyi
Last edited by Cadet; 02/16/1809:21 AM. Reason: Combine posts
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My dream, from the time I was very young, as long as I can remember, was to be a Jewish comedian. The years turned into decades until my life was shattered by an existential crisis; I wasn't Jewish and I wasn't funny. I set aside those hopes and dreams to live my life in the quiet desperation of normalcy.
doodler - feel free to drop by my thread on MLC with the jokes. It's a sad and boring place right now where all I have to write about these days is the 23 year old with large breasts (yes it was a woman) who was at my house last night complaining about her boyfriend. I gave her candy.
I tried to tell a joke over on Huddy's thread but I think I scared him off.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
