RECAP: BD (ILYBINILWY) in April, 2017. Started DB'ing about a month later. STBXW said she wanted to D on 7-13, and her L filed 4 days later. I got a L soon after. We've told the kids (the worst experience of my life), she's moved out of the MBR, but is still living in the same house. Both L's are talking and mediation is going to be scheduled soon. This MR is dead and I need to get out to reboot my life.
I've been dealing with my NGS issues and standing up to STBXW. As a result she's growing increasingly antagonistic. She rages, argues, and throws fits, sometimes in front of the kids. In-house separation is hell.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
19 years ago today, we stood on the alter in front of all our family members and friends, and were married. It was a beautiful ceremony and a great reception. We built a life, had 2 boys, moved, and dealt with life's issues as best we could. In the end, it wasn't enough for you. It was never good enough for you.
We're not D yet, but whatever we used to have between us is gone. The years - all the good times and the bad - are fading away like they almost never happened. All I have is 2 kids to show for it, and a pile of debt. I've also gained a lot of self awareness, but at great cost. And I'll have to see your face, which reminds me of all we lost, for the rest of my life.
Yesterday I offered you a ride to church (you can't drive yourself due to the knee surgery). You accepted. Before we left, I asked S14 to get ready, and he said he didn't want to go. I told him it was his decision, although I wanted him to come. When you found out, you yelled at him and then blamed me. We left him home and brought S10. In the car you told me I made a promise to God to raise him Catholic, and I needed to make him go to church whether he wanted to or not. I told you not to talk to me about promises to God.
At church I dropped you off by the door so you didn't have to walk far with your crutches. I sat with you and S10, because S10 asked me to. I wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought I would be. S10 seemed to really enjoy being there with us, sitting between us and holding both our hands. I hope the poor guy didn't get his hopes up. I shook your hand at the sign of peace. Afterwards I got the car and picked you up by the door. I don't think you ever thanked me for the ride.
When we got home you wanted to talk to me in the MBR. You blamed me for S14 not wanting to go to church. I agreed it's important for him to go, but I refuse to force him at his age. You wanted to talk about finances. You want me to pay all the bills for December, because you don't feel like being bothered with it any more, and you say you'll just write me a check to cover your half. I said I didn't want to do that b/c I don't think you'd pay me back. You got mad and asked why. I said I didn't trust you. You told me "F*ck you!" I said the conversation was over and walked out of the room.
I didn't see you again until later in the evening. You asked me if I feel like Divorce Care is helping me. I told you I didn't want to talk about it. You got annoyed and said you were just trying to have a conversation. I reminded you that you told me to f*ck myself in our last convo. You said "For someone who doesn't want to be D, you sure don't act like it." I said I wanted the D now. You asked why, and I said it just wasn't healthy for us any more. You asked me how long I felt that way. I told you there was nothing more to discuss, and I walked out the room.
This morning when I got dressed I thought about wearing a black shirt. I decided I wasn't going to let this D ruin my day. I wore a colorful and cheery shirt.
I didn't see you when I left the house. I'm glad. You'll be home all day, and if you need anything, a friend will have to get it for you. I will not be texting you or calling you today.
We had a pretty good run considering, and now it's over.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Yeah, for anyone who wants a great read, I highly recommend Dday's story. It's crazy! (And before anyone asks, no, I don't see that happening for my sitch.)
Anyway, Monday (our anniversary) went by without either of us talking, texting, or even looking at each other. I think that was the best possible outcome.
This morning STBXW asked me for a ride to work so she wouldn't have to drop money on an Uber. The thought of it did make me uncomfortable, and the memory of her telling me "F*ck you" from Sunday after church is still pretty raw. But I'm trying to play nice with her, not because I'm trying to nice her back, but because being a raging a-hole is not who I want to be. I told her she could have a ride, as long as she didn't cause any trouble. She acted offended and said she's not the one who does that. (Insert forthcoming 2x4 here. But remember I'm not trying to save my M any more.)
After waiting about 10 minutes for her, I knocked on her door. She said that she was getting an Uber and that she sent me a text. So I left.
As I was driving away, the text came through (my cell signal in the house is cr@p). She said what I said to her was rude and hurtful. She said I'm to blame for the arguments just as much as her. She said she'll no longer offer me an olive branch, and she'll only communicate with me via text and email.
The text left me feeling kind of empty inside. I didn't reply. Not sure what I'm looking for from y'all. I guess I'm just journaling to get this off my chest.
(Anyone else notice this place seems to have slowed down lately?)
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Well H, not something I would say but that is the wonderful things about this world! Looking back are you glad you said what you said? Do you regret it? My W and I didn't speak on our anniversary either. It was kind of weird but I wasn't going to give in and make myself look weak. IMO the right move.
It has slowed down some, I think business picks up during the Summer. Maybe it is easier to drop the bomb then because the kids are out of school For me I am just about 6 months in and I really don't have much to talk about in my sitch. I post for my own benefit so I can follow my journey but there is really no movement so things are stagnant.
I suppose you could have just gave her a ride. My MIL accused me of sexually abusing my oldest and my W kicked her out of the house. My W then asked me if I would drive her to the airport which I did. I never said a word.
For me I am just about 6 months in and I really don't have much to talk about in my sitch. I post for my own benefit so I can follow my journey but there is really no movement so things are stagnant.