Thanks job, it’s always nice to be reassured I’m handling things well.
Thanks Gordie. I am bothered by the change (especially last night after the kids left) but there isn’t much I can do about it so I have to do what I can and try to make the best of this. Enjoy your long weekend, I know it will be hard with your immediate sitch. Stay positive and enjoy the time with your kids!
Merry Christmas to you and your family. May 2018 be a better year for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Merry Christmas. How are you guys splitting Christmas?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Merry Christmas to you and your family. May 2018 be a better year for you and your family.
Thank you job, I hope this is a great year for you and your loved ones as well!
Originally Posted By: Gordie
K,
Merry Christmas. How are you guys splitting Christmas?
Thanks Gordie! I hope your holidays went well. I need to catch up on your thread.
We agreed to every other year. There was a wtf moment when discussing this w/xw last week. I was talking to her about the schedule and she said next year the kids were old enough to decide where they wanted to go. I had to tell her no they weren't and I wanted my time. Then it got dropped. It's in our decree so it's a done deal if it ever comes up again.
Originally Posted By: bttrfly
Merry Christmas K! coco
Originally Posted By: bttrfly
Happy New Year K! Hope all is well xoxo
Thanks buttrfly! I hope you're doing well too, I need to catch up on your thread as well. I'm doing okay, had a good Christmas and New Years with the kids and the kids had a great break.
I will come back and catch up/update later. Hope you all had a great holiday season!
It's been awhile since I've journaled. I haven't been coming here nearly as much but I'm still following along with most of the threads.
Things have been close to the same w/xw, she is still friendly w/me for the most part.
After Thanksgiving I got back after being gone for a week while her and the kids were in my house. When I came back xw and I started talking about s's video game problem. Xw says I think he should only be allowed to have them two days a week, which I am on board with but while talking about it she goes over tells the kids the new rule and takes the ipads away which lead to s having a complete meltdown. I told her I agreed w/her but we should have done it different, she agreed but it was done. A few weeks later and s is doing much better, doing chores, playing, playing w/d, and just being a kid. It's been nice.
Xw has generally been friendly and chats when she is over but her mood does vary. Lots of talk about getting old again. She dive bombed me (again) and pointed out a hair she said looked light. I told her if I had any gray hair it was from her and we laughed. During another conversation she was talking to me about her sister that she doesn't speak to. She said something about what a pos she is and then paused and said something like, "Not that I have room to talk, after being a horrible person but she's..." This is the first, maybe second time, she has acknowledged her behavior to me. I didn't dig and we moved on. We've had a couple of nice friendly conversations but I do notice her attitude/mood seems to change when she comes around after hanging out w/mlc friend.
The kids had their Christmas program a couple weeks before Christmas. We were supposed to meet but she barely got the kids there in time so we didn't sit together. My parents came to watch and when it was over I got s since his grade was dismissed by us. We went out to the lobby and xw was talking w/my parents. When we were going to leave she invited them to go to ice cream w/ the kids. I was completely taken off guard. About 2 years ago xw told me "I could care less if I see anyone in your family again" and has never liked my mom so this shocked me. It was alright, didn't feel awkward or anything. The following week my mom sent some baklava for xw. Xw looked confused when I gave it to her even though I heard them talking about it and my mom telling her she would send some. I told xw but she told me she didn't remember. She also texted to thank my mom but later asked me why she was being nice; she never hasn't been so IDK where this came from.
Things went well in regard to the holidays. We talked about new years and I was going to take the kids. After I thought about it that wouldn't leave me any holiday time next year since she gets Thanksgivings. I tried to explain this to xw and she didn't get it, after this she tried to say the kids were old enough to decide where they wanted to go next year. I told her no they weren't and I wanted every other year. I had to drop it as she was getting agitated and trying to convince me I didn't make sense. A couple hours later she texted and apologized saying she saw what I was saying and we would work it out. IDK if she really didn't get it or if she had plans she didn't want interrupted, I'm kind of leaning towards the latter. She said she was going to friend _'s or "a friend has a ticket for a comedy show" and she didn't know what she was doing. I know I can't dwell or give it energy and that we're divorced but the way she said it made me wonder if she is seeing someone. If so it makes it a lot harder to stand and stfu.
We exchanged presents from the kids after Christmas. I was a little sad that this is the reality xw choose for us but I'm trying to make the best of it. S tried to get us to hug but IDT xw picked up on it. I felt really bad, both kids have done this. A couple days later xw brought my gift from the kids over. After opening it and thanking everyone xw opened her arms for a hug and told me Merry Christmas. I walked over and gave her a hug but I was not expecting it.
The holidays went well and the kids had a great Christmas. I did to but there were some moments when I really missed xw. I got lots of time off work and spent most of it with the kids. We had a great time and got some sledding in. Things were good for me for the most part. I did have a couple moments when I got unexpectedly hit hard but they passed quick.
Hi Kyh, Thanks for the update. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} I think you handled all of it beautifully. You are detached, focused on your life and the kids. This is what will keep you sane and give you peace.
May 2018 bring you everything you dream of and more xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
You are handling your situation with a lot of dignity, grace and a whole lot of patience. You've become detached from your wife's nonsense and can speak to her in a tone that she is hearing and acknowledging. You continue to focus on your life and most importantly, you are being a wonderful father to your children. You have a lot to be proud of because this particular "trip on the yellow brick road" is not fun at all.
My wish for you is that 2018 provides you w/some additional peace and answers as you continue to move forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
