Life's High Seas

[Kyh]

Here is the link to my last thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2734158#Post2734158

[Kyh]

Hi Gordie, I copied your questions from my last post.

1. It seems like your XW sees you as a friend or more than a friend that she can rely on for financial and other support and it seems you are comfortable with this, right? Except for the car insurance that you would like her to pay, things are pretty much as you’d like.

- I guess I am okay with this for now. Long term, things will change so I'm just doing what works right now. I try to support her if she comes to me. I don't offer advice (unless she asks), just listen and support.

2. It also seems like you have a demanding job with travel and you depend on her for extra childcare and housesitting, right?

- I have to travel quite a bit but I've let my boss know I can only travel on the weeks I don't have the kids. I also ask if she would like to stay here to take care of the dogs when I'm gone. I let her know I will make other arrangements if she doesn't want to so she knows I'm not depending on her for childcare or house sitting. It works for now but long term something will have to change.

3. It also seems neither of you have moved on to other R so that also has a different feel than many of the other situations. Are you not interested in dating at this time (no judgment, just curious)? I remember early there was some sort of OM. Is he out of the

-As far as I know that scumbag is gone. I dont have any reason to believe he's still in the picture. I have no idea what she's been up to though or if there was possibly OM2. I once mentioned she befriended our late friend's ex. She did say something about him a few weeks ago and it was ironically a perfect chance for me to remind her about what a s---head he is and how he treated our friend poorly. She agreed.

I'm not sure when I'll be ready to date. I don't feel like I have a lot to offer right now so that equals more self work.

I'm just trying to take care if my kids and myself and seeing what happens for now.

[Kyh]

We had a good Halloween. I wasn't sure if xw would invite me since she was mad but she did. D's friend was having a party again this year and xw took the kids. She texted and I came over when they were ready to go trick or treating. I went over (to D's friends) and had a glass of wine and we took the kids trick or treating, it was a nice night. Xw was mad at me again yesterday still then did a pop in and was friendly tonight.

[bttrfly]

you're dating yourself. you still need to find out who Kyh is post-D. The rest will come when it's supposed to. I firmly believe this. xoxo

[Gordie]

How do you know she was mad at you again? Maybe her moodiness has nothing to do with you? Even if my w acts mad at me or says she is, I have learned over the past year, there’s usually something else and that I am just an easy target.

I too will not be ready to date for a long time, like butterfly says, date Kyh!

[Kyh]

you're dating yourself. you still need to find out who Kyh is post-D. The rest will come when it's supposed to. I firmly believe this. xoxo

Thanks for stopping by:) I liked reading about this on your posts, it gave me a lot to think about. Finding myself yet not losing myself.

How do you know she was mad at you again? Maybe her moodiness has nothing to do with you? Even if my w acts mad at me or says she is, I have learned over the past year, there’s usually something else and that I am just an easy target.

I too will not be ready to date for a long time, like butterfly says, date Kyh!

It's pretty obvious. she's not monstering but she was upset because she was hurt I didn't invite her. I'm sure a lot of her anger is guilt, pain, frustration, etc. coming out but she had been being more friendly. I also see what you're talking about. Things like her get upset about me buying the kids coats or buying/making Halloween costumes. There's been a few others I can't remember. I'm far enough into this now i usually don't have a knee jerk reaction (or immediately catch it) to her w/these things so they don't escalate or so she doesn't pull my strings.

she seems to be over it now and is being friendly again. This weekend she asked if I could meet a delivery truck at her apt over my lunch because she had to get a new dryer. I agreed but don't know if I should have. She's always telling me of her appliance troubles in addition to her work problems. She also hold me she started cleaning properties for her landlord at nights she doesn't have the kids. I wonder if she was trying to get me to feel sorry for her.

[Gordie]

K,

Not sure if she was trying to make you feel sorry for her. But I think it’s a good thing she is trying to work more to earn more. That’s a good thing for her to do. I do think you should stop mind reading about her motivations. If she wants to communicate something to you, let her do the big girl thing and tell you! Stop placing all the burden on yourself to interpret her clues.

[Kyh]

I also think it is good that she took on extra work. I’m not putting too much energy into thinking about these things but do notice them. Anymore a lot of the time they are just passing thoughts. I think she was looking for praise.

It’s been a little while so I thought I would update. More of the same going on for the most part and xw has been friendly. I was out of town last week and the night I got back xw texts me saying she had a dream I was trying to take her custody away and asked if I was planning on doing that. I told her not to worry that I would never do that to her. She replied thanks and told me how it was bothering her and she could t sleep. Then she asked if I thought she would be okay to drive her car to a gas station in the morning because the message screen said refuel now! I told her I didn’t know. I waited while (for her to ask) then asked if she wanted me to bring her some gas. She said no she would be fine. Early the next morning she texted and asked me to. She said she had a dream she ran out of gas. I was relieved to do this, not good, especially with the kids in the car. When I was there she told me how she was t sleeping and having bad dreams. I reassured her I was t planning on trying to take her custody away and told her again I would never do that to her or the kids. She seemed relieved. Idk if she realizes her nightmare is what she did to me! She was also keen to show me her new dishwasher and that the dryer I went to meet the truck for was working. It was a little weird she was showing me this stuff but I just told her I was glad it was all fixed and she didn’t have to wash dishes anymore. I know she hated it from her childhood.

I also got ccd on an email between attorneys and it looks like xw is going to be held in contempt of court for or paying the guardian attorney. I’m sure this is multiplying her stress exponentially. I tried to research this but was t sure what actions the court takes. I know it’s not my circus but I do worry for her and I’d hate for my kids to see her get served etc. I never said anything to her about it. My attorney also asked to be taken off the ccs since it doesn’t involve me.

My S had his 9th bday a couple weeks ago. Xw came over on his bday and we had dinner, cake, and presents. It was a nice night for us. We also had a party for his friends yesterday. Xw had mentioned just having a get together with a couple of his friends and no presents, etc. so I had to put something together without making her feel bad. Not too many little kid parties left and don’t want him to miss out and he had been talking to me about his bday for a couple months. We did a party at a gymnastics place and the kids had a blast. Xw wouldn’t let me help w/cake or decorations but it worked out well.

Xw gave me the kids over the weekend since they are going w/her for Thanksgiving. I’m going to miss them but will have them at Christmas. I’m going to go see my family for a day or two but no big plans. I’ve been doing well overall but my boss has been awful the last month so I’m sure looking forward to a few extra days off work.

Hope everyone celebrating has a great Thanksgiving!

[job]

Kyh,

I think you are doing very well in handling your situation.

I'm glad to read that you are getting cc's on the correspondence between the attorneys. I understand your concern for her, but she's made this mess and is now having to face the consequences of her actions. It's very sad and a shame because she's got a great husband and a couple of beautiful kids and a nice home that she walked away from.

I think you did the right thing with your son's birthday. He's not going to be a child much longer and the teen years are coming quickly. They grow up so fast and you want them to enjoy their childhood for as long as possible.

Please travel safely and enjoy the time you spend with your family. Leave the MLC mess at home and just try to enjoy the time away and enjoy eating food that others prepare for a change.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Gordie]

Much,

Happy thanksgivng to you too. Glad you are enjoying it with family. You seem not so bothered by the change in circumstances so am happy for you. You are a good dad.