Yep but they just got stranger. I’m not quite sure what’s going on but I spoke to my W briefly tonight as she took the kids to a hotel on her first night with them. Obviously I thought she’s took them there so she can be with OM. She said she did it because she is scared of me after my neighbours told her I turned up acting crazy and they were scared. So she doesn’t want to be in the house, but she just did a 12 hour shift there so...
She started telling me I’m crazy and I ruined our family not her, said she doesn’t know who I am anymore. Then she said his wife said can you stop texting her. Turns out his wife has been to see her and is keeping the child in her care. My W said we’re working this out like adults and keeping things stable for their kids (hmm what about ours). I didn’t know what to say, this just seems screwed up!
Anyhow, so I visited my neighbours. They said they’ve heard a different version of events, but assured me they were never scared of me and don’t think I’m crazy, in fact the opposite, they were deeply concerned about me, they also confirmed that when my car left in a morning his pulls in for maybe around a year. They also said they knew my wife wasn’t at home on an evening for the last few weeks while I was left with the kids, so who knows what they think and what she told them, I didn’t ask as it’s probably a hard position to be in.
One thing she said tonight, I’m sure she said “we were going to move in together”. So I’m thinking, and this sounds absolutely nuts but it’s all I can figure. They must have only just found out the wife is pregnant, perhaps this has pulled him back to her, but too many people know now, so they’ve agreed to say I’m crazy, and to prove it she can say look here’s the kid, why would she be here if it were true. I don’t know, I feel like I’m in an alternative reality! Or perhaps they’ve just convinced her I’m nuts and just want to uphold their reputations for both their businesses. I don’t watch soap operas but feel like I’m in one!
Oh my, I think I know what's happening. His wife has accepted it and said to keep things the same for the kid while they find a place together. That just seems bloody crazy!
I’m so sorry. That does sound crazy. Your w and OM and OM’s pregnant w are now one big happy family??? Unfortunately, crazy is pretty commonplace around here. Have you seen a L?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Not yet, still reeling from the shock! I work for the government so get free legal cover apparently, I'm going to call them tomorrow. I really am at the end of my rope, I just can't imagine my kids growing up amongst all this craziness! Why do they have to suffer for her twisted morality!
Liam, I'm sorry for what you're going through. As I've caught up on your sitch, the red flags kept popping up left and right. Your W reminds me a lot of mine. And that's not a good thing in any way.
Welcome to the Reality Distortion Zone. I'm gonna go out on a limb and give my professional opinion on your W: She's a f*cking nutjob. You're not crazy - don't let her convince you otherwise. Imagine you're surrounded by a bubble of sanity that she can't penetrate.
She's completely selfish and has no regard for you. She lies to save her own hide, so do not believe A SINGLE THING she says. If she says it's sunny, bring an umbrella.
I second Gordie's question. It's time to get a L. Do EVERYTHING you can to protect yourself and your finances.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
So I was right, she told my Mum last night that his wife has accepted it. What hippie sh## is this! Holding, I agree with your professional opinion. To introduce this craziness to our children at such a difficult time is unhinged! She's lost my trust and likely a few others too.
I intend to file for divorce next week siting adultery, she said she would accept this last time we spoke so... I'll not react to whatever crap she pulls and document everything with my L to be ahead on building a case for full custody should she do something really stupid.
I'm just moving forward now, I need to completely remove her from my life. Although we agreed joint custody I'm just going to tell myself the kids live with me, this is their home now and they're just visiting her when they're not here. I'll have to counter balance the craziness with solid simple love while they're here.
I am so sorry. You are right about the kids. You need to be the sane parent for them. You need to be their rock. Sure, you can fall apart when they’re not around but for them, you can do this. One sane parent can save the children. It’s not what you wanted or ever imagined, but you really can do this. Get as much help and support as possible. You will need it. I have a friend whose w walked out on him and the kids five years ago. It’s been a rough five years, but he has been there for his kids and he has been there for me in my own situation.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Thanks for the kind words Gordie. I intend to be their rock, I always was anyway so not much will change there. They have the familiarity of my w house as their home, but they love my place. I can't wait for them to wake up tomorrow morning and have an empty house with no kids running around in their space. And then coming home to a clean stress free home. It will be strange for them at first, but I think over time they'll begin to appreciate it.
I understand her plan is to use my old house as a full time nursery and get a new place with him. I'm sure she plans to take the kids there too. He's gonna need a big house for all his kids from his previous marriage's! I just feel it's so unfair to force something on kids for your own selfish needs.
I always told my w that when I was young, as soon as my Mum met her new husband all regard for me went out the Window. My father left me in an airport, some people took me back to my Mum and she didn't want me because she was in love and I would get in the way. She's admitted this to me as I've grown older and it's her biggest regret. With this knowledge you would think she would never have done this to them.
Anyhow, I'm looking forward to spending my days with them. I'm so lucky I have the job I do that's so flexible!
Be the best dad that you can. You are on that road now. Show them the safe way to go. You are the lighthouse now. Your children are your main concern so you keep walking, you keep moving.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Ok so there's been a few developments. He's met my brother and sister in law and spoken to my father in law on the phone. My bro and sis in law said they didn't know he would be there and are quite upset about it. Initially they said he seems a bit wierd. So after a couple of days with him they can't stand him, they said he is obnoxious rude and condescending and just keeps talking about the affair. My father in law apparently was very upset after speaking to him on the phone. He's coming over tomorrow to visit my w and has requested the om isn't there. But my in laws have told me he advised my w he will be there and she said nothing. My father in law said he'll spend Friday with her and Saturday with me, apparently my w was dumbfounded why he would go and see me, my in laws said erm because he's our family and we love him.
So I knew he was a manipulating womeniser and pretty much conned his way in to my wife's life, but I also accept that it takes two and she is as much to blame. But I feel I need to at least try and do something. It was sad to see how upset my in laws were about it all. I can't imagine how it's going to be seeing my mother and father in law at the weekend. Apparently they're in pieces over it. I'm no longer invested in the marriage now, im ready to begin moving forward but I can't imagine my kids being around this guy, my in laws think he's controlling her. This may or may not be the case, if so I certainly don't want him around my kids. So I've written her a letter, I just don't want to talk to her face to face right now. In it I've basically stated my opinion on her actions and how it will effect our kids and her own future.
It's frustrating because I know that if they show their disapproval it will just push her away from them when she needs them most. I need them to be in my kids lives on both sides of the fence to make sure all is well. This is really tough as I'm so ready to start letting go, but I can't help but feel if this guy is as bad as he seems I should at least be doing something but I'm worried it will affect my ability to really heal.
