Rule number one of online dating - do not give your phone number to a guy until after you've had a coffee date and checked him out. Communicate in writing until then. Or use a fake phone number app.
Just tell him you're not interested then block his number.
Maybe enlist a girlfriend to read their profile essays and give you a second opinion before you contact them - an objective eye might pick up more red flags than you do.
And just expect a dozen frogs for every real prospect - that's kinda how it goes.
(You might consider a screening questionnaire too : Are you married? Are you or have you ever been a Catholic priest? What prescription medications do you take? What street drugs do you use? Have you ever been in prison? Have you ever been in a psychiatric hospital? Lol - you get the idea!)
"First, let me start by saying that my body type is not a choice, They need to add "dad-bod" as an option for guys. And now....
Family is very important to me. I am an only child and grew up very close to my parents. I have a little boy who means the world to me. he lives with his mom in GA and I miss him every day he isn't with me. The first thing I am looking for is someone to be my friend. Someone twho understands me. Someone with compassion, morals, loyalty, an dall the other traits that are required for friendship."
He then gets into his food and music likes and mentions he is a certified ski instructor and he enjoys the outdoors.
Under his occupation he puts "Internet sales/artist"
Aside from the fact he is separated, which I do give a chance because someone people I know is just a matter of paper and technicality and could have been years, this was a seemingly normal profile.
I was certainly deceived. it was my bad to give phone number.
I have gotten more than a dozen frogs in my time. I just don't have the energy for this. And those questions make me sooooo sad I even have to approach it!
Doodler and AP, thank you. You guys would be the most normal ones I would encounter. Now, how nuts is that?!
Agreed, it's a deceptively normal profile. In retrospect, there are some clues - but I'm not sure how you would have seen them initially:
Quote:
Family is very important to me. I am an only child and grew up very close to my parents.
Well, now we know he meant - VERY close.
Quote:
I have a little boy who means the world to me. he lives with his mom in GA and I miss him every day he isn't with me.
But - not enough to move to Georgia so that you can see him on a regular basis. I know it is not always possible for dads to move to where their ex lives (my brother's witch-like ex told him she would move out of her state if he moved there to see his kids). Still that's a question I would ask before meeting. ESPECIALLY if his work is on the internet, there would be no obstacle to moving. (Except, of course, that he's selling his mother's stuff lol).
Quote:
Internet sales/ artist
Red flag there. I would have probably asked him about that right off the bat - which would have given you enough info to eliminate him promptly I think.
Still, not too obviously weird a profile. How about his photos? Did he have selfies in the bathroom mirror? (Automatic no). Photos with his ex cut out of them? Photos with other women?
Ginger, don't feel like you're hurting them because you aren't interested. Rejection is expected in dating and there's nothing wrong with it. Politefully say you arent interested and be done with it. If they can't accept it and harass you block the number.
I'm decently insecure about this stuff and continuing to chat with a girl when she's not interested at all would bother me so much more than her being upfront about how she feels when she knows it. You aren't doing him any favors by "protecting him" from something that will never happen.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I probably know this guy’s ex in GA. I attract crazy like magnet😜
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I try to be open minded to a limit instead of seeing everything as a red flag. The job thing worried me a bit, yes. I found out yesterday why his son lives in GA. Apparently his STBX moved down there with some guy she met online. And she took him. That threw up a red flag. I said something along the lines of "I would say, woman, you can go, but the child stays" He said "it wouldn't have worked".
None of that matters because Fogg is right. I didn't want to hurt him, but I also wanted to avoid the reality because it is difficult for ME to do it, which isn't fair. So I told him told him today very nicely and he thanked me for being honest and not just disappearing. And that was that and I am glad I did it.
I went out with my friends last night. It was just what I needed. My one friend and I took an uber from my house which was the most hilarious experience ever. We thought we were on punk'd with this driver. He was crazy. But we were laughing our arses off.
The place we went to was so much fun and the drinks were strong. They had a live band and we even danced. Found out my friend (who is 36 and single and I have never known her to be otherwise) is dating a guy from POF! They have a 4th sate plan and he is taking her to an NFL game. He has gotten her flowers and offered to drive her to the airport. (she lived in FL now). She is Filipino and so is he. She showed us a picture and he is really good looking. So we planned her bachelorette party and her wedding, haha! I hope this works out for her, she wants a family.
Then........ at the end of the night we were at the bar and I was a bit drunk and there were two guys next to us eating French fries. I say out loud "oooooh, I want French fries!" They gave me one! Well, we began talking to them and one really began talking to me. a good looking tall guy who happens to be divorced with a 5 year old daughter. I couldn't believe it, he asked for my number! I gave it to him and our Uber came to take us home (this bar actually pays for your uber ride so you don't drive drunk. How awesome is that?)he hugged me goodbye.
I figured he would never use it, but it felt good to know I still got it, haha. I needed a boost in the self esteem. Well, he did actually text today. We had a short text exchange which was nice he said he just got him with his daughter and was going to make dinner. I haven't heard from him since. When I am actually interested in someone I get so nervous that I am saying something wrong and I am scaring them away. I have the urge to text "how was dinner" but I think I am going to pull back and if he is interested, let him pursue me. ANd if he decided no for whatever reason, I won't get too disappointed and just feel good that I aleast managed to get a number. I am much better at this in person than the online dating thing. I really only know how to engage if it happens organically. I really stink at dating as it is.
hey, let's just hope he messages me back and maybe asks me out. If not, oh well.
Georgiabelle, haha, I also attract crazy like magnet. Or really, there is just too much crazy out there.
Glad that you got out and had some fun and met a possibly great single dad!
I do not have much dating experience at all. But I am over analytical and a bit neurotic so I will chime in. I read that guy as a big red flag:
1. I would live in a card board box to be near my child. No excuse for living away from your child.
2. The dad bod comment was put in there because there was some recent silly internet article posted about how more women prefer the "dad bod" over those gym rat types of guys. So hes trying too hard to come across as modest and like an involved dad. The dad bod is for a guy that is too busy taking care of his kids to become an obsessive body lifter. But that's not even this guys case.
3. He writes about what he is looking for, not what he has to offer some one.
For me, I was so nervous about meeting the type of guy that did to his ex wife what my ex husband did to me. I figured my ex is out there telling other women about how things just did not work out, and talking about how much he loves his son. It would be so hard for anyone to find out the truth.
I was really cautious about who I responded to. The main reason I wrote to the guy that I did was because he said that he lived with his child. And I figured that any guy that lived with his kids probably had an ex wife that was the one to leave. I was right. He also posted that he was not afraid of LTR or marriage and that appealed to me as well. As it turns out, his beliefs on commitment and marriage could have been written by Zues. So I feel comfortable and am not sure I would be as comfortable with someone that did not feel those ways. He also wrote that he does not feel like you can really get to know someone while dating multiple people at once, and he closed his profile up after several dates with me.
I am not sure how things will go for me, only saying that sometimes you can get a lot out of a profile. I do recognize that with my mindset there could have been really great guys that I overlooked because they did not write a good profile and that maybe it is unhealthy to go for some one because they feel safe.
Hey, the guy took your number and texted you the next day - he's interested! Do NOT jump the gun and text him about dinner - let him make the moves. He's busy with his daughter and giving his attention to HER, that's a good thing. Practice patience.
