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Originally Posted By: Fogg
I'm not sure if it helps at all but I didn't have the best experience with POF either.

I have heard it is where all our exes hang out


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Originally Posted By: Cadet
Originally Posted By: Fogg
I'm not sure if it helps at all but I didn't have the best experience with POF either.

I have heard it is where all our exes hang out


I can feel an idea festering in the edges of my gray matter. Online dating can leave a lot to be desired. What if people could come together by serving a need that someone else might have? For example, the woman down the road needs to have some drywall replaced. She doesn't know how to install drywall, but she's an awesome chef. Maybe someone could install drywall in exchange for an awesome meal? It'd be a good way to get to know someone without the stigma of dating.

While I was writing that, I got an eHarmony notification on my cell phone. Some woman sent me a smiley face. She looks a lot like me (I'm not kidding). That's just weird. And she's half my age (for real). This can't be good...

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Lol - doodler - any surprise offspring out there? Could she be your daughter? Hahaha

(I did know a man who was contacted by a surprise son. A college girlfriend had had a son he never knew anything about. My friend had moved from New England to Southern California after college and became an avid recreational surfer. His son had moved from the East Coast to Hawaii as an adult and had become an avid surfer too! They looked almost identical too. What are the odds?)

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Originally Posted By: kml
Lol - doodler - any surprise offspring out there? Could she be your daughter? Hahaha

(I did know a man who was contacted by a surprise son. A college girlfriend had had a son he never knew anything about. My friend had moved from New England to Southern California after college and became an avid recreational surfer. His son had moved from the East Coast to Hawaii as an adult and had become an avid surfer too! They looked almost identical too. What are the odds?)


kml,

I hadn't thought about that! That would be the yuckiest thing to ever happen wouldn't it? Unknowingly date your own daughter. {doodler screaming in terror}

But, I'm 99.9% sure I don't have a long lost daughter. Regardless, I'll steer clear of this one. smile

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Hi everyone. Thanks for all your replies.

Yes, I have concluded POF [censored] big time. it's really just tinder. No one reads profiles at all, it's all about what is in the picture and if they like what they see. I however, check the profile if I am interested to make sure we aren't seeking completely different things.

As for my profile. I do keep it real. I let them know I am a single mom who is a professional and generally has her sh!t together. I admit sometimes I am stubbornly independent sometimes, and other times I want someone to say they are going to get stuff handled for me and actually go though with it. I say I am old fashioned and even though the days of courting and dating seem to be extinct, it is still how I roll.

I actually thought my profile was really good, but no one reads it. I am on match and I get pretty much no hits there. I am not very active on it, but yesterday a 60 year old messaged me! Eharmony is where I found perverted plumber guy.Been on OK cupid, but I don't even know if I ever got a date from that one.

Dawn, it is not you at all. People just seriously sUck. I was thinking the other day how I wish we could hang out, I think we would have the best time!

Fogg, left her H a month prior with a 6 month old on a dating site?! She is looking for a baby daddy. I am glad you ran from the red flags.

This simply may just not be meant to be. I tried the home depot thing and the guy I was attracted to happened to be my hot engaged coworker, haha!

Men generally don't talk to me at bars. I am usually with a tight knit group most wouldn't approach. And I don't go out to bars that often. When I did join an activity, 2 out of the 3 single men wanted to date me, which I guess means I can meet them organically. Of course, one of the guys cheated on his wife with a 17 year old, but still.

My life really is just not conducive to meeting anyone. D10 went to bed last night, I tried ot read, but I couldn't focus, so I took some pills and went to bed! Sitting around alone with no one to talk to makes me nuts.

Honestly, before a boyfriend I would like to really change jobs. To come to work everyday, do the same repetitive job, barely speak to anyone, for 8 hours a day is going very badly for me. I cannot focus at work, I am getting nothing done because I hate what I do and I feel extremely undervalues. Plus, my manager only acknowledges the abilities of two people here and gives them different work.

I miss the me I know I am. The one who is a good nurse, makes people feel good, laughs, is very social, is lots of fun, active, intelligent, thoughtful.

I have no outlet for who I am anymore.

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Hi Ginger,

Been a while since I have been on...I am sorry to hear that the online dating isn't successful. Keep your chin up...there is a lot of noise that needs to be cancelled out in the online dating world.

It is like a force field of protection for all of us...swipe left, swipe right, no interaction and somehow that makes us feel good (hoping the hot girl or guy will also swipe right) or feel bad (never getting a match from the ones you like).

Social media has taken the term "friends" and lowered it to a level of minimal interaction.

When you go out with your friends break away from the pack. Isn't that how people used to meet?


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G, I'm a bit under the weather and struggling to put sentences together. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

The "I miss the me I know" thing speaks to me. After BD the person I knew I was got lost. This will sound rather expansive or conceited but I don't care, I'll just tell it how it feels to me. All my life I felt like I just had to imagine what I wanted and BOOM, it would come together. It was like a superpower. Everything just seemed so clear and easy, I figured out what I wanted, used that to steer my decisions, and things just fell into place. I had a ton of energy, and whether it was becoming the best pool player in my home state, the number one sales person in my division, or moving up the corporate ladder I felt like a hot knife through butter. I saw other people struggle with things and while I empathized I didn't get why they didn't just abra-cadabra things into existence.

After BD this all went away. Pool, lol, who had time for pool. Work? Work got tough and I struggled to be middle of the pack. I was exhausted trying to keep up with double the work load I had before while dealing with the biggest loss of my life that left me crippled. The endless energy went away, I stopped working out, it was all I could do to make it through the day. I lost my super powers. If you've seen "Superman II" with Christopher Reeves he lost his powers and started getting his a$$ kicked around town by civilians. That was me.

I tried to be forgiving of myself, but it wasn't that I didn't get it. I understood why I was this way. It just stunk to go through. I didn't feel like my best self.

Then about a year ago I looked back on what I'd survived. After the D was final I thought about my last two years. I remembered that I had made up my mind to stand by my marriage the best I could, be the sane parent for my kids and step up as a father, fight to the end for 50% custody, support my XW through the crisis financially without being reactive or punitive, then reach a fair settlement that would be generous without being a doormat, and rebuild my personal life with strong boundaries so I could move forward regardless of her choices. I realized I had done all of that. During the crisis I had come up with a list of the biggest priorities in my life, and I had knocked every one out of the park. I hadn't lost my super powers, I had just been using them on different priorities that frankly were even more important.

Now that is one of my biggest wins in my life. The pool, the job, it's all a joke. I get to live with my kids, and I am still standing. I am proud of that.

Today things are coming around, clearly I've navigated through the worst and thanks to some good breaks I have the disposable resources to start playing pool again more seriously. I'm starting to lose some weight again. I've got the energy left to start striving in other areas of my life. Namely, I get to pick my goals to reach for again instead of being assigned them by life. But I have always been who I am, and I am very proud of how I navigated through that dark period.

I'm really sorry your dark period has been so long. I have had a lot of help from my family with my mother living with me to help with the kids. You haven't been so fortunate. And you have been divorced for years longer. So you've been fighting the battle longer with less support. Honestly G I know how strong I am and I know how hard it has been for me, so to see you fight a tougher battle longer just makes me take my hat off and have a moment of silence. Yes, you have had a really big cross to bear. I am sorry. It's one of those things you wouldn't think anyone was capable of but somehow when there is no alternative you just keep going and look back and see you survived. You are surviving, and I hope you know how incredible that is.

It does stink that the cavalry hasn't shown up yet. You are overdue for some breaks. And there's no easy answer to just make things better. You have responsibilities to your daughter and because she comes first that means you will have to work hard and spend all the energy you can keeping your job and keeping a roof over her head.

I guess my points are that you are still you, you're just the you in an overextended situation brought on by poor choices by your XH and a disappointing lack of support by your family. One person wasn't meant to face what you're up against. And that while it's exhausting to go through, we're all super proud that you're finding a way to get it done.

I'd like to see the DB community organize some type of support. I know there are newcomers I'd like to see get a DB coach that can't afford it, and while things aren't exactly easy in my life I wish we could all take turns watching your daughter for you or doing something that would give you a break and refresh you a bit.

Until then keep being appreciative for what you do have, keep posting, and have a good weekend in the space between it all.


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Hang in there, G. Hopefully something happens on the jobfront soon. And in regards to online dating, pretty sure flakiness or rudeness is not a geographical issue😜



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Wow, Zues,

I have no words. I actually read this a few time since Friday and I have had tears though! Good tears. What you wrote really hit home for me. I felt like you truly do understand what's going on with me. I hate being such doom and gloom, but when you fight and fight and there it is just out of your power things begin to look hopeless.

You idea for support is really touching. I have actually had Db'ers that weren't plane rides away offer to help to give me a reprieve, but I they still aren't close and I don't want anyone going to far out of the way. It really is a beautiful idea. I think we all have something to offer somebody even if it's something different.

On Thursday my daughter sent me a text that woke me up a bit. She sent me her usual after school text asking what was for dinner, then she sends me "how did I get so lucky?" I sent a "?" she said " You are a great mom".

I was having an awful day emotionally, everyone at work saw it written all over my face and kept asking me if I was OK. Then that happened, and I 1) cried, 2) realized how lucky I am. If she is my only reason for being on this earth, well, then I keep going. Because she is an amazing kid. If I am only meant to be her mother in this world, than that is enough for me. I posted this on FB. I had a few people reach out who didn't know I was having a rough time and I was amazed how they showed their concern and wanted to be there for me.

We are all fighters here. Even when we feel like we aren't "winning", we certainly are fighters. I get absolutely exhausted and more days than I can ever remember, I have wanted to throw in the towel. Each day might be really hard, I may cry everyday, but I feel the joy of being my daughter's mom everyday, and that is worth fighting for.

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And a side note.....FF texted me last night. First time I heard a peep from him in 6 months. His text? "whatssup". WTF?! I didn't know what to do, but I knew for sure that I wasn't going to answer it last night, if I was. Pure curiosity got the best of me and today I texted "Wastsup? was that text meant for me?" NO reply.

He either texted me by accident, which I doubt because at this point, he would have to just type in my name to send one, or, he drunk texted me. I realize it doesn't really matter. I wouldn't lie if this is another thing now occupying mind space that I really don't need, but I am not as affected as I thought I would be.

This Friday my friends are taking me out to celebrate the completion of my degree. I thought that was really sweet and I am looking forward to it. I have D10, but I decided to get the babysitter, if I can't, exh will take her if I pick her up in the AM. But my daughter would rather have a sitter!

Oh, we were playing Uno dare last night and one of the dare's were that she had to do an impression of mom and dad. She got carried away, and did a bunch. She nailed mine, when I can't find my keys in the morning. She kept going with dad's where she did an impression of his never getting off his phone because he is playing his game. Or that his back hurts so he can't do anything with her (he plays volleyball weekly and lifts weights, BTW) And how he is never in the mood to do anything with her.

Then she goes in OWW. According to D10, she has been yelling at her, then dad yells at OWW. She said she gets frustrated easily, talks all the time in some weird baby voice, and it's so annoying, and she refuses to get of the couch to get anything for herself.

I don't know what the heck is going on there. I hope OWW isn't being mean to my child. I understand it's their house and she will have to discipline her, but if she steps over the line, she will have to deal with me. But really, it sounds like a weird place to be.

Yes, my daughter needs me here, big time.

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