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#2765919 10/20/17 03:55 AM
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Vent Fest

The title of my thread isn't a bad thing. I am over the whole divorce thing, but the support post divorce has been great. So many people have helped me through the past 9 years of my life here and I appreciate the continued support.

Even when I remarry my prince and move into his castle I will still come here to post the good stuff, not just the misery.

Met up with good friend and our doctor friend last night and had a blast. They kicked us out of the restaurant so we sat in the back of dr friend's pick up in the parking lot and drank wine straight out of the bottle. Yup, we really did that. The three of us talking. Those two are married..... (not to eachother). Dr. friend posed a question: "would you rather be in a marriage where you are on the same wavelength about stuff and worked well as a team, but was passionless, or a marriage where you were opposites, fought, but were fueled with passion?" I asked if there is an in between. His marriage is more of the first. They get along fine, raise their kids well, but no passion. I also don't think there is much sex. My friend on the other hand, they are a good team, although do enjoy very separate things, but they have passion.

It was medicinal last night. I just forgot about my feelings for a while. I laughed. not fake laughed, but real laughed.

I have been really down and discouraged, but I can still enjoy the good times. I don't fake my way through them. It really is impossible to be so sad and happy at the same time.

KML,

I always get my vitamin D levels checked and I am always normal. I could still supplement, though. Due to the injury I haven't been getting much natural exposure this year, so who knows. My depression is mostly situational unfortunately. The AD's do take the edge off. I think the problem is I did other things to manage the depression such as exercise, which I don't really have right now.

As far as the whole weight loss thing goes, there are few guys who like the kate moss types. Everyone has their preference, and guys who are attracted to curves I guess are attracted to me. The funny thing is I think I look better naked than in clothes. Does that make any sense? I'm just going to focus on my health rather than how I look.

Busy weekend coming up, but I got some good stuff going on.

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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
Vent Fest

The funny thing is I think I look better naked than in clothes.


To which I say, oh yeah, prove it! smile


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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G, just wanted to lend you some support in shrugging off some of the abrasive replies to your posts.

I don't understand it at all. Of course I agree with most of what you write, but I also feel you present yourself very respectfully as well. I don't like people snapping at you.

I've found this forum overall to be warmer than most online communities but I guess nothing is perfect. I've been on the flip side of some surprising spazz-outs as well and I guess that's just part of life. But just because all of us that love your contributions don't sing your praise with every post you make doesn't mean we're not out here.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
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Was that directed at me Zues? If so, you are not understanding the fact that G and I have communicated outside of this forum and both get each other's humor, as it's much the same. Perhaps I should have sent this to her in a text but I think most people get it. Perhaps I was wrong. If not directed at me, then never mind. smile.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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No Don, not directed at you. G has been reaching out in newcomers section and has had a few people respond in very abrasive manner. Sorry for any misunderstanding.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
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Oh good - you had me questioning myself now and sending G a text just in case. Lol. I figured she and anyone else who knows us would "get it" but then I thought perhaps I need a better perspective. smile. Thanks for clarifying. I think the world of G, sorta like the little sister of a good friend and would not want to offend her - even though she can hang and swear with the best of the "guys".


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Originally Posted By: Zues126
G, just wanted to lend you some support in shrugging off some of the abrasive replies to your posts.

I don't understand it at all. Of course I agree with most of what you write, but I also feel you present yourself very respectfully as well. I don't like people snapping at you.

I've found this forum overall to be warmer than most online communities but I guess nothing is perfect. I've been on the flip side of some surprising spazz-outs as well and I guess that's just part of life. But just because all of us that love your contributions don't sing your praise with every post you make doesn't mean we're not out here.


Thank you very much Zues. I at first had no clue what you were talking about, then I found it. I do my best to give honest advice from a loving concerned place. People may not always agree, but my intentions are never bad and are always good.

As my title of my thread says, I'll be here forever, and I have been here a very long time as well. I was quite a mess for years, actually. I was on the receiving end of some harsh 2x4's. I am happy for most of them. Actually, if it wasn't for this forum my daughter would have never attended ex and OWW's wedding. I wasn't going to let her go (she was 3 at the time) but I ended up doing so at the last minute. As incredibly painful it was for me, she would have had resentment for not letting her go, I am sure.

This is a place no one ever wanted to be or imagined themselves being. If I could help others as they have helped me, then I will always contribute. Sometimes it takes a long time to realize how much they have helped us.

And Don, in your dreams!!!! HAHA! Yeah, sometimes I question if I am a guy trapped in a woman's body. I can talk the "guy" talk all too well.

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That being said, I met ex and D for her yearly physical and her shots. He hasn't been to an appointment in many years. She has been seeing the same doc since birth and she knows our sitch. My D10 has a real fear of shots. She freaked out again. I was kind of glad he was here this time. And..... my 10 year old has reached the beginning stages of puberty. My baby is becoming a woman, and it makes me sad on some level. She's such a bright loving girl, I hope she stays that way when the hormones take over!!!

Then I went later and met up for D10's football game. She was crying when I got there, feeling miserable after her shots. I again got to spend some quality time with OWW! She told me about all the Halloween parties they got invited to at the last minute on the same day. She proceeded to tell me about how she was trying to find couple costume ideas. Boundaries this woman does not know!! when I got there, ex was coming back with hot chocolates. He offered to walk back and get me one. I declined. Later I said I was thirsty and was going to get a water from the snack stand and get a water. OWW was talking my ear off and I wasn't in the mood. Ex says "let me go get it for you so you can rest your knee" I wanted to get away, so I politely declined. My ex was never even that attentive when we were married. Maybe it was because I brought him apple pie I made. I know its his favorite. I should not do that stuff, but I do it for anyone. I had them take her home after half time. She was just miserable. I went shopping and came home.

And worth a mention.... I volunteered today and say my patients at the nursing home. I got my guy to go outside because it was beautiful, then I convinced my lady who never wants to do anything to go outside. She loved it out there. They both did. My lady is not so well oriented to time and she never remembers me. But she speaks of her family very clearly. She spoke about her husband. She says " We were married for 38 years. He really loved me and I miss him. I have no idea why he stayed with me. he's so calm and me, not so much. I just don't know why he chose me to love, but he did and he loved me dearly" I wanted to cry for so many reasons. I told her she must be a very special lady and she is very worthy of his love.

Time to go cuddle up in bed with Netflix now. Fun day ahead tomorrow.

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I don't think being here forever is necessarily a bad thing. You have a lot of great wisdom and insight to offer, so I think sticking around is beneficial not just to you, but to many of us as well.

You are a saint in dealing with OWW. Man, the boundary issues with that one. If I didn't know any better I would think she was my XH's sister. He has similar boundary issues (wanted to invite his first ex-wife to our wedding, insisted on introducing me to the woman he cheated on me with...clueless jerk!).

Yay for volunteering. Such a great way to give of your time and make an impact in this world. You inspire me constantly with your attitude and your fortitude. I'm glad you will be here forever. wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Thank you so much Dawn. I feel as if I used to have some good wisdom and be a good example of someone who survived this mess and came out winning. I feel like such a loser lately I don't know that I am helping anyone. I am really trying to perk up my attitude these days, because I know it stinks. I wish I could meet you IRL Dawn. I think we would have such a great time.

Journaling:

A picture of a guy I used to date with his girlfriend triggered me. All my ex's are in relationships and with social media (and sharing a kid with one!) you get to see it all. I am so happy for this guy. He looks so darned happy. But it makes me feel awful about myself. I was never good enough to be that GF. Only good enough for companionship. My self worth has been taking a huge nose dive. Which has caused me to delve into every relationship I have had. And questioning why I am not worth it to them. or anyone. Yet, I know I am. I know I am a dam good catch even if not perfect. But you see a pattern and you question it.

That aside. I need to date. Seriously. I mentioned the PT assistant. Not dating him, but he is cute and he was wearing a very nice cologne yesterday and he has to come close and touch me...... and I realize its been far too long. I was sniffing the cologne in my Macy's catalog the other day.... it just smelled like a man and it was comforting. This is desperate and pathetic!

Work stinks. We are low on work right now. Everything is going to change soon, and my manager only gives projects to one person in particular when we all are eager to help. People are miserable in our department and want to leave. Which is a shame, because the atmosphere used to be such a good one. I went from saving lives or helping people achieve a peaceful death to sitting behind a desk bored as heck being extremely undervalued. I don't even feel like a nurse. I am still waiting on this case manager job, and the person who referred me said I should get it without a doubt. We shall see.

To the positive..... My daughter is amazing. She really is. her heart is huge and she has been helpful and respectful to me and just oh so loving. She stayed at her dad's house last night. This morning she texts me "I hope you have a nice day". I was reduced to tears over this. I was thinking the other day how much I miss when someone cared enough to text me in the morning or to wish me a good day or good night. And there is my baby texting me to wish me a good day. it warmed my heart so much.

I am still trying to keep an ounce of hope things will change around soon for me.

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