bhappy, sounds like there are a lot of holes to fill. There's a 3-1/2 month gap there between "she wants to get back together" and "I told her to go ahead with D", seems like a lot must have happened in it. But I will say this, it's not unusual for a WAS to throw a "false recon" out there at some point. I think it's their way of "deciding" that they really are done. That was what crossed my mind as I was reading that earlier post.
I can certainly understand the emotional roller coaster, we've all gotten a ride on that nasty rickety thing filled with all its twists and turns and dips and dives. Hang in there and post when you can!
AS I have read your entire sitch, I was hoping you would see mine and respond. I really cannot believe the person she has become its quite ridiculous... anyway today I told her to just file...and I finally feel good about it...
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Jan. 2017 was the first sign of there being a problem, she outright came out and said "I do not like you anymore" I asked why and she said because you made fun of me when I was stiiring the cake mix. I said oh wow I didnt realize that I had said something wrong and it will never happen again.
She said that she wants to take me up on my offer to trade her in for two twenty year olds...this was a joke from 20 years ago... I found it to be strange.
She also said that the reason she wants to leave is because I once said 20 years ago that it was "Cheaper to Keep Her" the joke from many years ago.
So anyway I did notice that she was starting to dress much younger and started to wear makeup and I asked her about and got the typical I am just dressing up for work response. She was starting to get colder towards me but our sex life was great 3-4 times a week.
In Febuary she tells me that her and 8 people from work are going on a vacation, I asked who was going and she was very vague but nothing was out of the ordinary so I thought maybe she just need some time away. I was not happy about it at all...
Leading up to the vacation things were still getting cold but sex life was still great, thats why I didnt think there was a problem. Finally 2 days before her vacation I asked her do you want to get divorced and she said NO. I said why so cold and her reply was just she was tired from work.
More to come.... plenty more...
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
So I asked her if she filed today and she said NO... i asked why... she said she didnt know but she would let me know. No more limbo for me this has to end.
Does anyone have any real ways to deal with a true WAW with no affair whatsoever going on. Its like she is two different people.
She suggested that I keep the house and then sell it in 5 years so the kids havve a place to live. Crazy is not a strong enough word.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
I really do not know for sure, except i looked at all the phone records for this year and her Ipad and her phone which she said i can look at any time I want. All her time is accounted for by me and the kids, I know she could still be having some kind of affair I just really do not know how else to find out.
As far as asking how to deal with a WAW, do I DB or do i pusue slightly. Her complaints were that I wasnt there when the kids where growing up the typical story.any advice would be appreciated.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Do not pursue her. You have to let her go for now. Become the man you want to be and everything will work itself in the future. Maybe you reconcile in the future maybe don’t, either way it won’t matter to you because your life will be awesome one way or another.
Like a cat the more you chase her the more she is going to want to get away.
I have been DB for about 3 months with some slip ups. Right now she has put the D on hold not that she told me that but bc she has not filed.
The entire month of June I pretty much did all the wrong stuff, begging logic,no crying.
I am starting to think there may be another person involved so if there is, its a deal breaker for me. I know there are many guys like me but a PA means its over, she will never admit to me so I would have to have 100% proof.
Some things she has said to me: I do Not want to hurt you ILYBNILWY We have grown so far apart Why would you want to be with me if I dont want to be with you You arent even giving me a chance to miss you
We stopped having any intimacy since I think June 20th. We hugged for the first time in a while on Oct. 15 and she rubbed my back.
One thing I do know is that If I pressed for a D she would sign right now.I am not sure how long I want to hang on. She does not want to move out and we get along in the house except if I dont intiate the convo she will not. We also went through a period of about 2 month where she was incredibly angry and downrite mean.
We went to MC once and she cried throughout and stated that she doesnt see me as anything more than a friend. I backed off on asking to go back bc of this site and DR book suggested to hold off.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Some things she has said to me: I do Not want to hurt you ILYBNILWY We have grown so far apart Why would you want to be with me if I dont want to be with you You arent even giving me a chance to miss you
All of the above lines are a direct quote from the WW script. I am not saying that there is an AP, but every one of those lines has been said by every WW I have read about on this site.
I think if it is a deal breaker for you, then you need to find out. If she will not tell you, then you need to find another way. I know that snooping is not advocated on this forum, but I think that is in cases where the LBS wants to save the M, even if there is a PA. In your case, you say it's a deal breaker, so you need to find out so that you can move on.
You also need to prepare yourself that if you do find out, there are going to be crazy things that go on in your head. Many of us say that it would be a deal breaker for us, until we find out and then the crazy takes over and we will do anything to save our M. It's a chemical process that happens in the brain and our core, manly, caveman instincts take over and we want our W's back more than we could have ever imagined. I am not saying that this will happen to you, but you need to prepare yourself.
M-42 W-40 S-12 D-10 Together-13 years Married-10 years Separated-6/2016 ILYBINILWY-7/2016 EA-4/2016 (best guess) PA-7/2016 (best guess)
These days there are many ways for a person to cheat without leaving a trace. Hope for the best but assume the worst.
In my case OM1 was a fantasy but OM2 is a full on PA. I followed the rules and did not snoop but MLC w just came out and told me.
Whether or not you push the D is a very personal decision.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
