Why didnt you let her talk. Seems that you are being mean and vindictive. That could of been s good moment to validate. She might of had something important tell you. Now you might of turned het off more. AS talks about detaching with love. It's hard, but read up on detachment.
I did let her talk and I did listen to her. She felt that I was being mean by not taking her to dinner. It was my weekend with the kids. She came home unannounced. Everything I try to do is intended with love. But if she does not want to be a part of this family, I cannot let her do family things when she wants to come home and go be with another man when she wants to. I had to set boundaries about this and stop being a doormat and allowing her to have her cake and eat it too.
So last night she asked if we could start praying together at night. This is not something that we have really ever done before. So we prayed for a bit and it was nice. We talked for a few minutes after we prayed and when our separate was for the night.
So last night she asked if we could start praying together at night. This is not something that we have really ever done before. So we prayed for a bit and it was nice. We talked for a few minutes after we prayed and when our separate was for the night.
She is confused as the most confusion comes at the start of the crisis and at the end. Don't read too much into this, she is also checking to see how much your changes are sticking and whether she can pull you back in "anchor checking".
So last night she asked if we could start praying together at night. This is not something that we have really ever done before. So we prayed for a bit and it was nice. We talked for a few minutes after we prayed and when our separate was for the night.
She is confused as the most confusion comes at the start of the crisis and at the end. Don't read too much into this, she is also checking to see how much your changes are sticking and whether she can pull you back in "anchor checking".
How is the homework coming?
I am trying not to read into anything. She seems so tired and confused. I need to read about "anchor checking." I have read all of the threads in from your inital post.
Something strange happened this morning. She left early like she often does when she goes to see the other man. He is a surgeon and she is a medical rep so she goes to his cases all the time. She told me that they decided to break up last Thursday since it was not right and he was married as well. In the past, I have threatened to call his wife and his boss but never did. She called me this morning and asked if I called his wife???? I said no. I asked why she asked. She said she saw him at the hospital and when he saw her he turned and walked the other way. I said maybe he was being respectful to her wishes and that I did not contact his wife or anyone else. It is really crazy that she felt ok to ask me this and tell me this?
Something strange happened this morning. She left early like she often does when she goes to see the other man. He is a surgeon and she is a medical rep so she goes to his cases all the time. She told me that they decided to break up last Thursday since it was not right and he was married as well. In the past, I have threatened to call his wife and his boss but never did. She called me this morning and asked if I called his wife???? I said no. I asked why she asked. She said she saw him at the hospital and when he saw her he turned and walked the other way. I said maybe he was being respectful to her wishes and that I did not contact his wife or anyone else. It is really crazy that she felt ok to ask me this and tell me this?
Well this explains why she is checking if you are still around, you are her option B.
Something strange happened this morning. She left early like she often does when she goes to see the other man. He is a surgeon and she is a medical rep so she goes to his cases all the time. She told me that they decided to break up last Thursday since it was not right and he was married as well. In the past, I have threatened to call his wife and his boss but never did. She called me this morning and asked if I called his wife???? I said no. I asked why she asked. She said she saw him at the hospital and when he saw her he turned and walked the other way. I said maybe he was being respectful to her wishes and that I did not contact his wife or anyone else. It is really crazy that she felt ok to ask me this and tell me this?
Well this explains why she is checking if you are still around, you are her option B.
So what is my best plan of action? I am continuing to GAL and do things for me. She has said that she has no plans at all for us and that we are still done. I am going out tomorrow and have plans this weekend. She is going away with her family all weekend so we will be apart. She asked if we could talk on Friday before they leave. I have told her that I don't really want to discuss relationship things but I am here to listen if she has stuff she wants to say.
Something strange happened this morning. She left early like she often does when she goes to see the other man. He is a surgeon and she is a medical rep so she goes to his cases all the time. She told me that they decided to break up last Thursday since it was not right and he was married as well. In the past, I have threatened to call his wife and his boss but never did. She called me this morning and asked if I called his wife???? I said no. I asked why she asked. She said she saw him at the hospital and when he saw her he turned and walked the other way. I said maybe he was being respectful to her wishes and that I did not contact his wife or anyone else. It is really crazy that she felt ok to ask me this and tell me this?
Well this explains why she is checking if you are still around, you are her option B.
So what is my best plan of action?
I don't mean to be harsh, so I apologize if this feels like a little cold water.
Why are you asking this question, given that she's not changed a thing regarding the marriage? SHE did not end the affair, still says she is done.
I am continuing to GAL and do things for me. She has said that she has no plans at all for us and that we are still done. what was it that you wanted to work on, in yourself? And how is that work going?
I'm not supporting you in any pursuit at all. You can do as my DB coach said "keep the road home, paved and smooth"
without pursuing. And without making it easy for her to walk back into the m as if nothing has happened.
But give her a reason to see you in a new light, as well. I know it's a balancing act. A hard one.
You are also encouraged to look within and ask yourself this very hard question do you want her back to restore the marriage and stick together happily
or do you just want to win her back?
Last edited by Cadet; 10/17/1703:51 AM. Reason: fix quote
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
the praying together is interesting. I would be interested in what SHE prays for.
If you must contribute a prayer, I'd focus on the "family" and not the marriage.
Not in front of her, as that's blatant pursuit and could be a way for her to make sure you're still Option B available
which is not really likely to get her back to stay.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
