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A Message from Michele
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#2763855 - 09/30/17 02:59 PM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: JujuB]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13378
Quote:
You know what? I did not listen to my own advice. I ended up messaging the guy that lived close


See? I told you.

Quote:
I actually cried. Because none of these guys pulled the crap my ex did.


I remember, the first guy I dated after my ex. I was so impressed at his ordinary generosity to his adult kids, and he was so appalled at my ex's selfishness. It really helped me put my ex's behavior in perspective.

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#2764489 - 10/05/17 02:16 PM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: kml]
JujuB Offline
Member

Registered: 02/16/16
Posts: 809
I am really appalled by my ex's selfishness. I came on here filled with guilt because I felt like him walking away was my fault. Like I was this horrible wife. I am starting to regain my confidence and realize my sense of worth.

So regarding online dating, I have been texting and going out on some casual dates with a really really nice guy. He ended up living super close to me, raised his child by himself (went through a lot of similar stuff many here do, but over 10 years ago) , wrote in his profile that he is not afraid of LTR/marriage is not looking to date multiple people at once and has texted me almost everyday. He seems to want some one to spend time with. I messaged him first and he is different in that he does not seem to comment on looks or know how to flirt. But Im pretty sure he likes me.

I am taking things slow and working on building a friendship.
_________________________
M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer

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#2765133 - 10/12/17 02:35 PM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: JujuB]
JujuB Offline
Member

Registered: 02/16/16
Posts: 809
So, I am in such a good mood.

I negotiated with my attorneys. I think I could have gotten more back had I went through arbitration, but I just did'nt have it in me. And I calculated the aggravation and stress that would have put me through versus what I could possibly get back and it just wasn't worth it. I am ready to move on.

I have been going out with some one I met on line. I messaged him first and he is just so cool to hang out with. He texts me every day. He is very traditional. Wants to spend lots of time with me. No games. And he gave me flowers. It feels so nice! Im really excited.
_________________________
M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer

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#2765138 - 10/12/17 04:14 PM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: JujuB]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13378
Yay! Glad you resolved your dispute, and glad you found a date!

He sounds great - but just one word of caution from an experienced dater - keep your Sherlock Holmes hat on. Look for clues. He may be the perfect guy - but - it's too early to tell the difference between a perfect guy and a potential scammer. Enjoy but verify.

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#2765142 - 10/12/17 04:29 PM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: kml]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 13366
Loc: CA- now East coast
KML

like what clues? I mean, other than the obvious ones?

Sorry for the hijack
_________________________
M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H solo - ALASKA, 2006
Piece 7/07
Retrovaille-M Restored 8/08

*2016*
H Alaska Again!
Groundhog Day
I File D 10/16
OW

Don't look back, it's not where you're going

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#2765143 - 10/12/17 04:54 PM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: 25yearsmlc]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 13366
Loc: CA- now East coast
Juju

some of your comments made me cry. When I think of things I allowed and somehow did not see

but that disappointed me deeply.

All 3 children's births were of course beautiful and I had healthy babies.

but in the background were experiences that were tainted by behavior that seems so sh1tty now.

It's like a malignant entitlement that I somehow glossed over. Honestly it's embarrassing and painful.

I met a guy in a group and we seem to be connecting. Nothing huge has happened yet but I think we will date.

ANYHOW, he offered to fix something of mine that was broken. When he asked which tools he would need, I said i wasn't sure what they're all called.

He did not mock or smirk or retract his offer. He said he'd "just bring all of them".

This^^^ struck me as so kind. Like a big deal.

Now, I don't want to take anything away from my new friend, but maybe it's just NORMAL!

Which makes me very sad about what I've put up, with and modeled for my kids.
_________________________
M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H solo - ALASKA, 2006
Piece 7/07
Retrovaille-M Restored 8/08

*2016*
H Alaska Again!
Groundhog Day
I File D 10/16
OW

Don't look back, it's not where you're going

Top
#2765212 - 10/13/17 03:38 AM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: JujuB]
Ginger1 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/14/15
Posts: 1895
Originally Posted By: JujuB
So, I am in such a good mood.

I negotiated with my attorneys. I think I could have gotten more back had I went through arbitration, but I just did'nt have it in me. And I calculated the aggravation and stress that would have put me through versus what I could possibly get back and it just wasn't worth it. I am ready to move on.

I have been going out with some one I met on line. I messaged him first and he is just so cool to hang out with. He texts me every day. He is very traditional. Wants to spend lots of time with me. No games. And he gave me flowers. It feels so nice! Im really excited.


I love everything about this!!

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#2766971 - 10/31/17 02:19 PM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: Ginger1]
JujuB Offline
Member

Registered: 02/16/16
Posts: 809
October has been such a busy month for me. But I feel a little less stressed now. I have this eternal list of things. But now that divorce and lawyer stuff is in the past my shoulders are very light and its a good feeling.

I have been dating someone for a month now. If there are no hidden surprises, i can see this going long term. I realize that you do not really know someone until a minimum of 6 months. That perhaps a successful relationship is based on a couple's ability to fight fair, and seeing how someone fights or argues takes a while.

So far I really like him. My BS meter does not go up. We both have similar experiences (although his was worse then mine) Grew up in same areas. Live walking distance from each other. We seem to share similar sentiment and values regarding relationships, roles, and commitment. We are both looking for long term. But having fun getting to know each other. The honey moon phase is really nice! But I am aware that it does not last. I am still very excited.

Things I think I did wrong with my ex that I am sad about..

1. Asked him for too much.
2. Did not accept him. Tried to argue and get him to meet my needs instead of just breaking things off, or accepting and focusing on his needs.
3. I did not focus on his needs. I still dont really know what they were. It might have been space and independence? He always told me that he needed nothing from any one. That should have been a sign.
_________________________
M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer

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#2769238 - 11/26/17 09:47 PM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: JujuB]
DDJ Offline
Member

Registered: 04/04/16
Posts: 1040
Hey Juju,

I don't think that you should be sad about the past. Yes, there are some things that you believe that you could have done better, but could you really?

1 - I don't think that you can ask someone for too much, if it comes from a place of love and caring.
2 - We're all selfish, you could say this about anyone in your life, your kids, your parents, your best friends. It's human nature and Madonna sung it best - I'm not sorry.
3 - If you didn't know what his needs were, then it's actually his fault. He def knew what yours were, see point 1 (LOL). You cannot mind read, so don't even try, ever.

We're adults, we have learnt that which we could never teach ourselves. Life stepped up and said, howz bout an extra serving of the brown stuff, and no, we never had a choice. So if you never had a choice, how can you regret it.

we can't go back in time either. So leave it there, in the past. Live for today and you will never be sad.
_________________________
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.

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#2769663 - 11/30/17 08:29 AM Re: God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves [Re: DDJ]
EyeTie Offline
Member

Registered: 01/22/15
Posts: 219
JujuB,
Just wanted to drop in and quickly read up on your situation. I am sorry that things may not have gone the way you initially wanted, but sometimes what we want and what we need are very different things. I wanted my wife back, after a few months I realized I needed someone better. You get my drift. Anyway, I haven't been here in a while, you popped into my mind and I wanted to check in and make sure you were doing ok.
_________________________
Me: 36
W: 29
S7 D4
T: 10 (02/2004)
M: 7 (12/2007)
Separation 02/2015
OM confirmed 01/2015,
D mentioned 12/2014

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