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job Offline
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Lana,

You did what you thought was right, i.e., your child is waiting there in anticipation of a gift from her father. You put the ball right back into his court and he had to "man up" and order something from Amazon.

Hopefully, she will get her gift this week.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Thank you Job for your reply...sometimes I get confused whether I am creating a reason to contact him or not. Then I think even so as long as I can leave my expectations it is fine.... although it is very difficult... my daughter asked me if it was me who told him... can you believe that I ....his msg was " the birdie told me you still have not received your gift" so she was convinced it is me...these girls I guess knows I will do anything for them.

Thank goodness we have no major events till end of year so expecting no major contacts needed. Will try to focus on my paper only and let him be...


M 45 H 45
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Lana_71 Offline OP
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To be honest sometimes I get jealous from others who have a fight or a spew at least you can tell that you matter to fight with at least the lbs tried to contact the family even with a twisted mind of blaming them for his misery. At least he keeps temp checking. This gives you the determination to fight back and decide if this life is worth it.

In my case I feel things are cold. He never initiate a msg . No calls since year back. Nothing ... no spewing no blaming ... only first couple of months . now he blames himself only and know it is his faults... but so far as of on a different planets... does not blame anyone but him on his faults but does nothing about it.
He doesnot say he has another life still immersed in work according to him... I wonder what does that mean... he says he loves the kids and he has direct numbers he can msg them... do what stops him from doing that... they are always responsive... they never blamed him and always responded to his msg...they never asked why he doesnot see them or contact...

I wonder how does he justify this in his mind...
just some thoughts...


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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Not Lbs the Mlc


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You shouldn't envy us Lana.
The mlcer who spew does not only attact the lbs, they will spew at anyone who does not support their choices which is why a brand NEW set of friends emerge. They do not know the old persona of the mlcer and will beleive this re- written history and lies he tells..

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In a way, i envy you. I often wished my xh would have left us completely and moved far away from us instead of threating us like ?? I can' t find a word to describe it. UN-HUMAN, PURE CRUELTY (for 3 years straight).
Over 8 years as past and, to this day, i have episodes of anxiety when in contact with him..

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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Hello exquisite...
I know you are right and in someway I should see the blessings that he is of bothering me or the kids.

In some cases I know the kids are doing fine because they don't see his side...but sometimes I just want to know is he really working hard as he claims or just having the time of his life... am I stupid to stand for the marriage... just want to know does he has someone in his life or not... I don't know who to ask without embarrisg my self ...

sometimes I want to fight with him so that I can get angry and leave for good ... as if I am looking for the motive to completely drop the rope and move on ...

Although I am doing well and enjoying my time with my mom and my kids... I don't think a lot about him no more but I would like to know where is he in his journey ... if still in reply I want to quit... does that make sense...

I am greatful for the journey as I learned a lot from it ... I am a stronger person now and have a great relation with my kids due to the fact I had to look inside and be the better parents but I feel I am getting ready to move on now without him if he is still stuck in mlc


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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Exquisite... I am very sorry you had to go through this in humane Curlty.. for last two days I kept imaging how this have affected you and kids and how stupid of me to even think spewing is better...
I still don't understand how someone could be so selfish to hurt his family this way...
I guess no I don't wish that... I just want some interaction to decide my next step...


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I hear you, i understand.
Knowing what you do not know would help you get a sense of direction.
May i ask how long he has been gone for?
As he ever talked of returning home?
A job is just a job... they are everywhere.. a family, on the other hand??

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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Hello exquisite .... thanks for your reply.. this has been going for 3.5 years now ... but till now he didnot initiate any talk about D.

We have not seen him since last September when I flew to him and took the girls... he has been depressed on painkillers and extremely tight with a high loan payments to bank.
He has been saying he want to visit and working on visa but it is more talk than action. He said he wants to talk about us but that was in march and nothing more. The only thing I know he has major back pain and should be going under survey which he is postponing. Taking high medication. Has large loan.

Anyway today I sent him a msg say... hello hope you are well. We need to talk about the kids emotional and financial support . I prefer to have it face to face so if you can come over or I travel over for one day. If it is difficult I can ask my brother to discuss it with him. Then I followed with a msg if he is still struggling health wise or financial I to let me know and suggest a better time.

I feel good about it and even if he thinks that we only need money that is fine... I don't care how he decide to explain it .. I don't think I am loosing anything now as anyway everything has been lost long time ago.

I know he read the msg... not expecting anything yet ... will give it a week to see.


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