If life gives you lemon....do lemonade

[Lana_71]

Sorry it is not Canada day ... I meant Father's Day ...
By end of day I saw my youngest sent him a msg " happy Father's Day you are the best father ever'" then oldest wrote from both of them .. he replied thanking them and sending picture of his whereabouts for work . Haha ... maybe he feels good they still miss him... especially after my msg... anyway I don't regret sending him the msg earlier...

[OwnIt]

Lana,

I hope that you are making choices for what you want and not just giving in to the desire of those around you for this to be over for you. I know I get so much pressure from everywhere just to get it over with. I can't help but think I've lost sight of what I want in all of this because of that. I'd hate for you to do the same.

I'm glad he responded to the kids today. That's still the hardest part of this for me and I imagine for you too.

[Lana_71]

Thanks ownit ... I am not sure what I want for now... I guess mainly to be happy regardless he is with us or not... I am doing well with the kids...today we went to a music festival and had lots of fun ... it is funny but for the whole week I had two of my married friends complaining of the frustrations in their marriage ... I tried to cool them down ... I don't think I can deal with any demands from a partner anymore ... I am in control of my environment there might be no place for him any more... I guess this is limbo land... I know I am still in control but most probably I will react one day .. everyday pass by I feel more detached and less thinking of how he is feeling or wether he is upset or not.., in my opinion he is not worth waiting for no more .. but the kids are worth me standing up until their father is in a better shape.

[OwnIt]

Lana, I think when the time is right you will know with certainty. For my own sake, I have decided to worry about my H just as much as he worries about me.

[Lana_71]

Own it you are right ... I decided to take on the excersize of considering him gone and I have to care for my kids alone. I'll will try to do this for 3 months not that I am not doing it...... my problem my hormones keep going up and down so some times I feel so emotional and get impatient and feel sorry for putting my self in this situation and not strong enough to have a stand.
Well today I received an msg from him traveling in Asia and wishing me and kids a good holiday... well don't plan to make anything of it I relied thanking him and wishing him the same. Simple and short. In the old days I would have analyzed it and thought a lot about what to reply and how it will sound inviting... not any more I just plan to mirror and stay reserved. I want to stay on my excersize expecting that I am on my own now .
So had a good Saturday today . We went for a musical and planning to go for a music festival tomorrow.. life is what we make it I suppose.

[Lana_71]

Hello
It has been quite active this week. It was my birthday last week. I did not expect anything this time for I got disappointed too many times. Well got a msg only of happy birthday and msg said" young lady to stay beautiful forever" no idea what does that means . Anyway I treated him same as everyone who wished me happy birthday saying thanks appreciate the nice wishes . That is it.pathetic I know but I didnot expect anything more.


Last week my younger asked him if they can talk next day so they set a time for next day. Kids were in the mall appently they sat for 40 minutes sent him a msg but he did not call and neither did they. I was pissed off when they told me but they seemed so ok with it ... seems they were playing around and her phone was low battery then it died. Next day he sent a msg to them asking if they are fine so they replied lightly that they sent a msg but phone was low and that is it. Nothing that they waited for 40 min so I didnot stress on anything. In normal occasions I would have given him a peace of my mind but we all let it go... as if he is not important . We never discussed it.


I was reading a blog and the poster advised that lbs have only two options stand or walk away and not to help or initiate any divorce actions . It is so weird but lately I got to know three of my friends who are officially sepersted but not divorced . It is so weird when you are oregnant you feel too many people are pregnant too and now when I am separated feels a lot of people are too.. seems contagious ...

I don't see myself living with him no more.but will wait to focus logistics one day when he is ready to talk... I am not planning to make his life easier for him.

[OwnIt]

Lana,

Happy birthday. I'm glad he acknowledged your birthday. It's too bad he stood up the kids, but you can't manage that relationship. I felt so much anger when mine did that recently, which is odd, because it is exactly what I expect of him.

Glad to see that you are handling limbo better than I and that the separation label is not bothering you any more.

At some point he will want to discuss it.

[job]

Happy Belated Birthday. I hope you did something extra special for yourself.

[Lana_71]

Hello... thanks for your wishes actually I had a great Birthday and I was so impressed with my self as I enjoyed it a lot without expecting anything from anyone but everyone called or sent there wishes. Kids were nice and I later went out with friends for a musical.

Doing some shopping these days especially for the girls they grow so fast. God bless them. Planned by camping trip next week and hopefully some water activities during our stay. I also talked to my boss regarding the option of working from back home again. I am hoping they will reconsider . It would be great. Let's see. Planning to travel back in August so if that worked it would be the best scenario .

Own how are you doing? Your D must have traveled by now...

I am managing well but I get days where I get emotional mainly I think due to hormone fluctuating ... so far so good ... you will hear me in my desperate days . But hopefully they will become less frequent .. when sometime I recall what I have gone through and how some days I cried to sleep or prayed all night I realize that everything shall pass and we will be alright .

[Lana_71]

Hello...time for some update..

Things have been great. Been spending good time with my friends and the kids, having time to attend some shows and planning more the coming weeks. I feel relaxed doing what I want to do with the kids. somehow not having these emotional outburst I used to.(feeling bad for my situation)I am doing what I want to do meeting who I want to meet and enjoying who I want to.

So on my birthday I got a msg as I earlier wrote replied with a thank you msg only. This week too was my eldest daughter's birthday (his favorite) and for last three years he has not send her anything other than a msg. This time he was generous and was planning to buy her an apple watch. (I know interesting) actually I was happy he thought at last about his kids although was scared he will get something for the eldest and then forget the birthday of the youngest as he did before.

Funny enough my daughter did not want the watch and did not want to tell him. I think she was thinking I will jump and let him know and I decided not to interfere. in a way I wanted her to accept the gift graciously and say thank you as we learned that when someone gives a gift you should not be rude but on the other way that is her father and although his intentions are good his execution is off. he could have asked her what she wanted or even contact me to asks but of course he did not and well she feels bad to spend all the money on something she will not use...

it took her 48 hours before she replied to his msg. he did not call her all of this on msg. can you believe that he did not even call his own daughter on her birthday and want to buy an apple watch. maybe it did cross her mind...don't know but I did not stress on that. his call . Now my attitude is as long as the kids are safe they should be able to handle it. I am not there to protect him and I know they will be able to deal with him.

Anyway she told him she has no idea what she wants and they decided to discuss it later tomorrow...but regardless I think this must have been a hard lesson for him to know we are not waiting for his charity we are good on our own and kids are managing well. throwing money for gifts is not getting him anyway.

Own - last question on your thread -you asked me what would I do. I thought I will write it her. I did that exercise and realized everything I want to do I can do now. want to go out, enjoy my friends, cook meals, have fund with he kids, sit on the couch and read with no interruptions, travel . hike with meetup groups. so I started doing them and it is not bad at all. I don't miss the tension I had, I don't miss waiting for him to come for hours, I don't miss trying to make him feel good about himself. I don't miss going out with his friends or going to a wedding and have to stand by him as he has no one he knows.
if I want to hike I can, if I want to travel I can, yes money is restricted but we can do things with less money and enjoy and have the same fun.

I might miss intimacy, but at the moment I am not ready yet to start a relationship regardless single or married so when it come I might push for D but I don't have to now.

I realized my major issue is ignoring me as if I don't exists and this irritated me and he knows that. The more I complain about it the more he does that. with detaching completely I am giving him his own medicine and I know he also does not like it. let him decide what he wants for himself as we are moving on with our life with out him and if he want to send us a msg from time to time or a gift well that is nice but it will not affect us no more.

My eldest asked if we are going to see him this summer so I told her it is his decision and if she wants she can discuss it with him.(I know it is sad but you cant force someone to see you)

Anyway that is how I feel I feel good and in control of my own activities and a lot good things are yet to come.