Hi Fight, glad you had a bit of a respite. Hope that you will soon be out and can enjoy your peace and quiet on a daily basis. It is ever so much more pleasant than having to deal with one of them.
My sister's family and I (and S) went to a water park on the 15th. I had such a good time. S didn't really want to participate too much. I think he was overwhelmed by it all. There was a lot going on. There was one water slide where you stand in a tube, they close the door, and the bottom drops out from under you. Woo Hoo! I did it twice! I felt like a kid again.
The house is coming along and I anticipate I will be moving in next week. I have mixed feelings as the date approaches. Part of me is afraid of what will happen at our house when I am gone. I am also afraid of having even less information about H when I move out. Perhaps that is a good thing?
H revealed to me late last week that there are two Internal Affairs investigations pending against him. When he told me he began to tear up. The discussion came about while discussing who would care for S the following day because S had a fever (another ear infection). I could see his eyes becoming glassy and his voice cracked a little. He immediately composed himself and changed the subject. I didn't pursue the matter. If he wants to talk to me, he knows where to find me. I don't know if either of the claims have any merit. What I do know is it takes a lot of proof to get someone punished for wrongdoing and these are his third and fourth IA in four years.
Part of me would like to see him fall. That is wrong. It is vindictive. I try not to think too much about it. God will handle it as HE sees fit. Not as I want. HE has got this.
A colleague of mine is married to another police officer. Her husband was at a training seminar with a detective that works for my husband. The detective that works for my husband told my friend's H an earful about H. The detective shared the fact that he thought my H was going to get demoted (who knows if this is true) and my H is messing around with cadets (who knows if this is true). The detective went on and on about how my H is a terrible boss and a terrible human being. According to my colleague, the detective gave her husband an earful. I suspect the demotion thing is just wishful thinking on the detective's part. I have no idea whether my H is really messing around with cadets. And at this point, it doesn't matter to me. Just keep it out of my house and away from my S. If H wants to demean himself in this way, so be it. He is the one who has to live with it. Not me. God will take care of it.
While my family was in town I purchased some cupcakes for dessert. I noticed one of them was missing. A coconut one. H does not eat coconut anything. Initially, I let it go. But after my family let, I couldn't resist. I confronted H about the missing cupcake. He claimed he ate it. He then asked me what I thought he did with it. I told him I thought he gave it to his girlfriend (her b-day was a couple of days after it went missing). Of course he denied it. I have no proof that he gave it to her, just a really strong gut feeling that he did. If he did, shame on him.
He continues to watch porn. He has an account with a site that allows you to "chat" with the women and make "requests." Yuck.
I am feeling less bothered by some of these issues. If this was last year and these issues came up, I know I would be reeling. Now, I just feel a little twinge compared to my heart sinking. Progress. But not where I would like to be because it still bothers me some. I still find myself wondering about whether my H is back together with one of his OWs. I still wonder if they aren't back together, will they get back together soon? Is he spending time with her?
None of this matters. I know she is nothing. A mere distraction. But, at times, I still find myself wondering whether it really is true love and I am kidding myself.
What this does tell me is that this is in God's hands. He is working. He is working on all of us. I just need to continue to step back and let him do his thing.
I believe you are right in thinking that your move out will be beneficial to you and S considering what is going on with your H at work. You really don't need that type of worry on top of everything else.
I would be suprised if your H is in 'love' with anyone else! Why would he feel the need to have a porn account (yuk!) if he was! It really sounds like his world is starting to crash around him and to top it all you and S will be moving out soon and that familiar comfort blanket of family will be gone.
I'm so sorry you are having to hear all this about him second hand Fight but I think you are very strong to be able to let it just roll off your back. Oh and the water park sounded like it was a scream!!!
(((Fight)))
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I believe you are so right about the being in "love" part. I agree. I don't understand how the porn is not cheating if he is so in love with OW. But I'm not a man. And I am not H.
I have a question that I need help with.
I am turning my back on H; obviously, lol.
This Saturday morning I will be heading out of our home early in the morning to take care of an appliance and furniture delivery at the "new" home and I will bring S with me. How do I handle any questions by H, if he asks where I am going? I certainly don't intend on telling him the truth. My preference would be tell him it is none of his concern (but in a nice way). If I absolutely have to, I can tell him I am going to breakfast with my parents.
There is a part of me that thinks he has a right to know where I am taking S since we are still living under the same roof; but another part of me that thinks he has no right since he filed for D.
H revealed to me late last week that there are two Internal Affairs investigations pending against him.
Quote:
The detective shared the fact that he thought my H was going to get demoted (who knows if this is true) and my H is messing around with cadets (who knows if this is true). The detective went on and on about how my H is a terrible boss and a terrible human being.
Ummm.....in case you needed any further confirmation that this is NOT ABOUT YOU and that your H is NOT just a wonderful person who got temporary insanity during a MLC, but is actually a deeply flawed person with SERIOUS issues.
Let go, move on (safely). You already got a taste of how nice it is not to walk on eggshells around someone like this.
I couldn't clearly see my ex's narcissism until well after our separation, but boy, I'd sure never want to live with it again!
Just checking in to see whether you have gotten out and how the divorce is going. Hope you and S are doing well and have been able to step away from his circus.
