Limerence and My Situation 5

[25yearsmlc]

Park

again, "ugh" for you. So painful sounding. Zeus posited a good point about the 2 separate issues, one being whether you ever meet OM.

When she insists you "WILL MEET OM!!"

maybe all you have to say is "not today". ( I wonder why it's so important to her that you two meet soon. And the phrase "that which we resists, persists" comes to mind.)


Oh, and my point about saying


"affairs are 100% wrong 100% of the time" - is to ask,

if you believe that^^ -- then why come HERE? I'm asking.


Nope, I don't think affairs are all alike
and I don't think they should all be treated alike.

Just Seems over simplified. And no, I did not have an affair.

Park, I'm really sorry this is dragging on, and so in your face. It's one of the more difficult situations here. While, I don't think your approach is working,

for now I'm just sending you support in a horrific time.

[CW2017]

Hi Mark
A potential interaction with the OM must be excruciating, can't begin to understand what you go through there.

Still hoping I don't have to finally meet the OM next week (and possibly his own W) as my W asked me last week if I fancied going to her work Hallowe'en party. Still can't believe she had the gall to ask. I hope she doesn't ask again but if that is indeed the case I will of course reply with something along the lines of "hmm, interesting question, would a certain person be going?....." If for some bizarre reason she asks why did I ask that I will have to say that I can't believe she even asked me in the first place!

Gawd this sitch is so ***** up!

[25yearsmlc]

cw

why not say "he11 no. I'm shocked you'd ask."??

No questions for her, just declarations from you.

Ugh

[CW2017]

Sorry I was being ultra polite there! It'll be more along the likes of "you've got to be ***** kidding me?"!

[Parkema]

Morning 25,CW,

I'm sure somewhere down the line I'll come into contact with OM but will resist and protect my boundary for as long as I can. Can't control this as she can easily flaunt him right in front of me and I wouldn't put that past her!

Not seeing him has helped me with those awful pictures we all get, you know the ones. I can't put a face to him so has helped me manage them in a funny way.

CW - your predicament can for me be seen in two ways!
1. Continue with the detaching and allow her to see what it is like to go to these functions on her own.
2. IF she is trying to RC and IF one of the reasons the MR turned sour was because of a lack of mutual interest then I would say go to the party and show the world you are supporting your MR and wife even if the OP is there. Be uber intimate with her in front of everyone and gauge there/her reaction!

I'm sure Sandi would suggest caution as WW are working on emotion NOT logic she could very well be setting YOU up to gauge the reaction from the OM who knows except you its your situation and you are ultimately in the best position to know.

I'm all for working towards RC but would side on caution with this^^^^^^^^.

Weigh up the positives verses the negatives but IF they were in an A then it's too soon to be anywhere near emotionally over for them and if RC is on the table then NC with the OM is necessary and the above situation is not helping either of them and especially you.

Tough one sit her down and try and find out her motives if she's got any..

What I'd do..? 25 is the bees here (good thing in the UK), TOTALLY depends on the "feelings" you're getting, if it all went south would you be in a worse position..? Is going a 180 for you..?

Be careful.

Mark.

[CW2017]

Hi Mark
been mulling this over. Like you I would not want to clap eyes on the OM as it introduces a tangible image component to the mind movies. My W has definitely flirted with colleagues in the past in front of me (which I accepted up to a point, knowing the insecurities from her upbringing, but stepped in if she wanted us to be friendlier with a particular person/couple, etc.). Yet I would know in my current sitch why they might be exchanging knowing glances with each other in a social setting and I would not be responsible for my actions especially if I had been drinking. This is primarily because they probably think they are the Plan A couple and would be viewing everything from that lofty position. So for various reasons it's not worth the hassle. She has not mentioned the party since last Friday so I would hope she wouldn't mention it again this weekend. I am also detecting a change in vibes in recent days so maybe things are getting deep again but I'm certainly not going to mindread on this one.

[Parkema]

Hello All,

Just had a call from WW discussing arrangements for Christmas day and I feel I’ve just sent myself back 8-months!

We obviously both want our boys waking up with us on the day but they can’t be in two places at the same time, I basically said that I wouldn’t budge from my position but would personally prefer us ALL waking up together on Christmas day but said we are where we are and need to deal with it.

Deep down I feel that the detaching I’ve been doing has just been blown away but on the other hand I feel better in the fact that she knows I’m still invested in our MR.

All my good work undone..? Your thoughts.

Mark.

[MoveFrwd]

We obviously both want our boys waking up with us on the day but they can’t be in two places at the same time, I basically said that I wouldn’t budge from my position but would personally prefer us ALL waking up together on Christmas day but said we are where we are and need to deal with it.

So what is the plan then going forward? I feel like there should be a plan for holidays set between you two. Do you really think that if you were divorced, you would have the kids every christmas?

As you said....you are where you are and need to deal with it. What are you going to do to 'deal with it' in this instance?

[25yearsmlc]

no one act erases all the work, even if only in your eyes.

But when you pursue like this, IMO (I know, I know) you validate her choice.

Because she must be a great catch for you to still pine for her and want her back in a heartbeat.

Park, she knows you are invested in the m. There is no doubt in her mind. At all.

You could ignore her for 6 months and she'd know you're still there for her no matter what. Her weird wish for you to meet OM means, to me, she's further down the road than you realize. (But to be fair, she had a head start.)

So get back to what you can work out for Christmas b/c it won't be her and you and the kids going into a time machine as if nothing has happened. You gotta deal with what is real.

Sorry

[leahsue]

You may not like my thoughts, Mark, but you DID ask. (((( Mark )))))

I don't think her knowing you are "still invested" in the M is a good thing. I think it just gives her more rope to do exactly what she wants with the new framework she calls her "family"- meaning her new man and your kids, knowing if it doesn't work out, she can bring you back on board and insert you into your old position as her H. I think that makes you look weak and desperate. That shouldn't come as news to you, since you've been getting hit with those words from everyone on here. That's just from my female point of view. Take it or toss it.

That said, if you ARE interested in appearing more attractive to her from this day forward, I'd not mention any "let's spend it as a family" any more. You guys are NOT a family unit right now, with her new man living in your house.

Holidays are SO hard on families that are split up. HOWEVER, my philosophy has always been, (and one I believe I have convinced and exampled for my children) is that a holi-DAY is just that, a DAY, and can be celebrated the day before, the day after, the week before.... it's not about a date on the calendar. It's what you decide to make it whenever you get the opportunity. It's about people, and love. You can make it happy and special, regardless of the actual date. You kids will take their cue from you.